As you can tell from my sn- I am trying to remain anonymous as I do not want my friends on CM to know my struggles until I decide on what to do.
My SO and I have been together ten years. We are in our mid 20's and have two children- ages are 7 and 4. Let me start off by saying that I love my SO very much and we refer to each other as husband/wife even though we are not legally married. I know I am not a perfect partner and would never want people to think I am advertising that I am somehow better than my SO. We are both responsible for the problems in our relationship. I realize that.
Last July, I had a nagging feeling that I should check into what my SO was doing on FB. I hacked into his e-mail and then hacked into his FB. What I found were hundreds of messages between him and women. Some we knew from HS, some he met through friends, some strangers. These messages were flirtatious and also sexual in nature. He asked for their numbers so he could text them instead. Part of me believes this is because he knew it would be more private that way so they could exchange pictures etc but I can't prove it. Because he sleeps with his phone in his pillowcase. He never puts it down where I can grab it. I'm not allowed to touch his phone. I flipped out and a week went by with me crying every single day. I didn't speak to him. He insisted he would change and we could work things out. Despite all the events from the past that I had caught him doing things like this, I believed that he would make the change based on the way he was acting. He deleted his FB and seemed to be putting in more of an effort in our relationship.
A few months go by and I could feel things going back to the way they were. He started going out more often, putting his friends ahead of me, texting more often. He started challenging me on his need for privacy and a FB to "network". He is a sometimes DJ and videographer. I insisted over and over again that our relationship would be over if he dared to do so.
Well, yesterday I found out he created a FB account to "network". He said I am overreacting and that he is not doing what he was doing before. I say bullshit.
Am I crazy to feel like he should not ever be on FB again. Am I over reacting. Do I have a right to feel this hurt a year later? Is there any way this relationship can work?
Please help and advise.