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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Where to start! Lets begin with Love then Marriage...

Posted by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 5:30 PM
  • 20 Replies

Hello everyone!  I'm kind of hoping for I don't know anything really at this point. So we start at the beginning.  I joined the Air Force when I was 25 and I think it was my second year in the military I was on a site called hotornot.com.  I know its one of those stories right.  Well I met my current husband on this site while he was stationed in Germany but was deployed at the time to Iraq.  He was I think 20 at the time and we clicked really well.  I mean it was crazy how well we just connected.  Even funnier is he was born in Idaho while I was born in Washington State.  So it worked out very well.  We talked for a year and decided we were going to get married.  I know what were we thinking.  Well it was one of those you know its amazing and you can't get enough of it, was what it was. He was at the time saying he was getting out of the Army once his enlistment came up and that was about a year left and he was being stationed back in the states.  Unfortutantly it was still going to be on the East Coast.  The opposite side of where I was.  But what was a year right to two who were so in love.  Well we got married a year later from meeting and we went back to our separate bases.  Now maybe I should have listened to my family and my past expierences but I was madly inlove with him and gave him the benefit of the doubt.  So lets back up a little bit.  While we were engaged he started sleeping with his tattoo artist.  Now I'm not making excuses I'm simply explaining the type of man he is.  He is what I say more of a girl than I am.  lol He needs that physical attention.  He doesn't do long distance well he doesn't do distance well at all.  Especially when he's hammered in Germany.  So I forgave him after I found out.  I had hoped we could survive the year apart and he wouldn't do this crap again.  I guess I was just hoping he was as strong and as in love as I was.  I thought if you truly love someone you won't hurt them and cheat on them.  So either he is just too weak to cheating or at some point when we were apart he fell out of love with me.  Because some married Army female in his group decided to take advantage of my husband's sweet and caring nature which is what attracted me to him.  He listens so well and he was so attentive and people are drawn to him.  And of course she was a southern girl who thought the man should run things and he should do what he wants when he wants blah blah blah. Mind you, my husband back in the day couldn't balance a bank account even if he wanted to.  He's horrible with money.  He's a little better now but back then he was always in the hole.  He was always withdrawing his bank account and I was always sacrificing what little pay I had to pull him out.  What was worse is she tried to be my friend and play off that she had no interest in my husband and her husband was abusive and they were going to be separating soon and blah blah.  He states he wasn't a divorce its not working out between us.  We haven't even lived together right! So I fight like hell and he's picked up smoking again, and re-enlistest for another 4 years! Then he askes to get stationed in Hawaii with this girl.  All this time he's been kissing her and staying at her house.  They said they never slept together but I really don't know.  I only know as much as I do b/c I found the evidence. Both of them lied about everything!  So finally about a year later my husband decides we can try to work it out if I get stationed in Hawaii.  Mind you I'm in Montant only 12 hours from my family and none deployable.  I'm safe.  But if I go to Hawaii not so safe.  So I'm like okay and I put in a request and I get my orders.  Mind you this girl is in Hawaii with my husband and they are still hanging out.  So 3 months before I'm suppose to arrive in Hawaii he gets into a horrible motorcycle accident.  The motorcycle I didn't want him to have in the first place.  He wrecks and severes all 4 nerves from his spinal cord to his right arm.  This is the oh poo of all poos.  He should have died.  So I get over there 2 months earlier than I was suppose to because of his accident.  So I'm trying to fix a broken marriage, get rid of that girl who is still trying to be invovled in his life, and help a broken man recover.  The broken marriage well its still in the process, but that girl done.  I made sure she understood that if she ever tried to talk to him again I'd make sure she was kicked out of the military and if she had any concern for her kids she'd put them first and get the hell out of our lives.  Sadly I had to do this because my husband wouldn't do it himself.  So one problem solved.  But sadly I found out he was still flirty and sending photos to someone I thought was just a friend.  She got cut out of our live quickly.The other two so much harder.  The short of it, I gave up any life I had to tend to him and fix our marriage.  I went to work and then came straight home and was at his beckon call.  It took about 2 years to where we became pretty normal again.  We were going out we were getting back to us.  It was great but then he had this neck nerve surgery and it almost paralized him.  After that it was like everything we had worked for died!  He wouldn't go out and wouldn't do anything.  We moved to San Antonio Hell, I didn't want to go but my husband decided that is where he wanted to go for his ampuation.  We went there and he ended up being a couch potatoe and went from 165 to 205 lbs.  He didn't want to do anything except sit in front of the tv and do nothing.  I'd come home from work and he'd barely acknolwedge I was there.  It wasn't a marriage I wanted and I had told him before we left Hawaii and multiple times this wasn't what I wanted from a marriage.  He never seemed to sink it I wasn't happy or to change anything.  So I didn't mean to not consiously at least.  But I ended up having a bit of a flig with someone from work.  It wasn't until then my husband decided Oh I need to do something.  Of course his answer was to beat the guy up.  We then got pregnant and we are on the mend.  We are working through a lot and still have a very long way to go. This is just a breif overview of the last 7 years. 

Nothing is impossible,
Bebs
 

by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 5:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kidlover2
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 5:41 PM
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I stopped at married woman " taking advantage of his sweet and caring personality" You are making excuses for his disrespectful and hurtful behavior and he is showing no desire to stop. My husband goes to college with 18 and 19 year HOT women who throw themselves at him because he is a sweet, nice guy who is also good looking. I trust him explicitly. Is it because I am a gorgeous and perfect woman who always treats him right and has sex with him 5x a day? Nope. Not even close. He loves me and is loyal and faithful to me because that is the kind of guy he is, not because I deserve it. ( although I'm married to him so I have the self respect to expect it because he promised) I married a man who is honest and respectful because my first go at marriage was similar to yours. He was neither honest nor respectful and blamed it on me and I accepted it. You need to reevaluate your relationship and him. I think your love goggles are on so tight, they're squeezing off circulation to the brain.
Bebsy
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 6:20 PM

Thank you for your opinion.  Trust me, we have almost divorced but after being through hell and back with the lose of his arm and seeing the improvement I can't walk away at this moment.  I understand most people would walk away and believe I should but we all have to make our choices and be satified with our choices.  So again thank you for your opinion. ^.^

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jul. 27, 2013 at 7:43 PM
3 moms liked this

 Wow I couldn't have a marriage with out trust and I dont understand how there can be trust in a marriage with a serial cheater. No matter how much I loved someone if they were a serial cheater on me, as far as i AM concerned thru their actions and lack of respect and consideration for our marriage and my feelings obviously do NOT know what love is and does not love me the way I  deserve and to  put up with is settling for less than what I personally consider REAL love. I'm sorry for all you have been thru. only you can decide how you wish to live your life and what standards you have for how you  are treated and I truly wish you the best. good luck. I hope things get better from here on out.

 YVONNE

ChrissyReznor
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 10:36 PM
1 mom liked this
So basically he cheats on you over and over again and u just keep going back. I'm not sure what you're asking advice for
MomToovey
by Marianne on Jul. 27, 2013 at 10:43 PM
3 moms liked this

 Please be careful. It's one thing to allow that kind of crap happen to ourselves, but when your children grow up, seeing you put up with this, they're going to think it's what a marriage looks like. They'll either treat their spouse or allow themselves to be treated in the same way. And when you think about what you're going through happening to your kids, how does that make you feel? Me personally, my stomach is in knots thinking about it.

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jul. 27, 2013 at 10:56 PM
1 mom liked this

 This is such a good point and so very true sadly. And as always from MomToovey, compassionately expressed. I agree, please be careful.

Quoting MomToovey:

 Please be careful. It's one thing to allow that kind of crap happen to ourselves, but when your children grow up, seeing you put up with this, they're going to think it's what a marriage looks like. They'll either treat their spouse or allow themselves to be treated in the same way. And when you think about what you're going through happening to your kids, how does that make you feel? Me personally, my stomach is in knots thinking about it.

 

 YVONNE

beeky
by Alexandra on Jul. 27, 2013 at 11:27 PM

Wow, all that in 7 years!

I did a long distance relationship.  My husband (boyfriend at the time) is British, so he spent many a weekend getting pissed up at the pub and yet, he still manged to be faithful and remains so, to this day.

Mommylovesdada
by Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 11:29 PM
This is such an important point! We have to be role models for our kids! When my husband and I went through a rough patch, we had to tell ourselves to get it together. Having a dad treat a mom this way teaches a boy that its ok to do women like that. And it teaches a girl that that is how a husband is supposed to be treated.


Quoting MomToovey:

 Please be careful. It's one thing to allow that kind of crap happen to ourselves, but when your children grow up, seeing you put up with this, they're going to think it's what a marriage looks like. They'll either treat their spouse or allow themselves to be treated in the same way. And when you think about what you're going through happening to your kids, how does that make you feel? Me personally, my stomach is in knots thinking about it.


Mommylovesdada
by Member on Jul. 27, 2013 at 11:30 PM
I meant a wife is supposed to be treated lol


Quoting Mommylovesdada:

This is such an important point! We have to be role models for our kids! When my husband and I went through a rough patch, we had to tell ourselves to get it together. Having a dad treat a mom this way teaches a boy that its ok to do women like that. And it teaches a girl that that is how a husband is supposed to be treated.




Quoting MomToovey:

 Please be careful. It's one thing to allow that kind of crap happen to ourselves, but when your children grow up, seeing you put up with this, they're going to think it's what a marriage looks like. They'll either treat their spouse or allow themselves to be treated in the same way. And when you think about what you're going through happening to your kids, how does that make you feel? Me personally, my stomach is in knots thinking about it.



JanuaryBaby06
by on Jul. 27, 2013 at 11:42 PM
goodluck, i hope everything works out!
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