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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

It's complicated...

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:28 PM
  • 35 Replies

Hi there mommies,

I'm sure I'm not the only one but my life has become pretty complicated lately...

I got married when I was 19 and had a daughter in 2005 with my husband. In 2008 we separated and split custody of our daughter. When she started school we decided it was best for her to live with him full time. She's 8 now but I only get to see her a couple of weeks in the summer and on holidays when I can.

In 2012 I moved to California from TX (where my family still lives) and after the longest time of being single I ever experienced, I met a great guy and we have been making each other happy for 8 months now.

Still not divorced, I never wanted to get married again or have another kid. But the universe surprised me and I'm 3 months pregnant now! We have talked about it and even with a baby together neither of us want to get married (even if we could) but we decided to keep the baby and be together as a family. As much as we love each other, I'm afraid that getting married will just make us feel more trapped and eventually make us resent each other.

So... still married to my daughter's dad, having a baby with another man, wanting to get divorced but not wanting to get married again... it's complicated. Haha.

I'm curious if there are any other moms out there that are with their kid's dad but not married? How does it work for you?

by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
littlemrsd
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:36 PM

What about your ther daughter, where does she fit in? 

cerulean42
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:46 PM

She still lives with her dad and will continue to unless something happens where he can't keep her anymore. This is not because I don't want her, it's because he is so devoted to her that it would kill him to take her away, and that's not something I want to do to them.

She just recently visited me in California for the first time and we had such a wonderful time together. It makes me miss her so much more now that she went back home. She's going to be so excited to have a baby brother/sister, I didn't tell her it's a sure thing yet but just brought up, "What if mommy had another baby..." and she was just so happy.

Now that she's older she will be able to come visit more often, flying as an unattended minor, and we are both looking forward to that.

MagicTemptation
by Christina on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:57 PM

Is there a reason why you and your husband have not divorced yet? 

Now a days it is normal to be in a relationship with a man, love him, be devoted to him and not want marriage but have kids.

cerulean42
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:38 PM
The only reason we're not divorced is money, neither of us has had the money, or more accurately neither of us have made it a priority
earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:40 PM

 If money is the main reason and if either of you decide to make it a priority and you are low income enough you can do what I did when I wanted to divorce my ex but was too poor for a lawyer. Look up legal aid in your community (or your ex can) and make an appt to see if  you financially qualify for legal aid probono attorrney (100% free!) I did and my lawyer handled everything with me from filing and serving papers all the way thru custody, division of  property, visitation, changing my name back to maiden name (which I desparately wanted asap) and finalization of divorce. I was soooo grateful.

Good luck and congrats on your  new baby

Quoting cerulean42:

The only reason we're not divorced is money, neither of us has had the money, or more accurately neither of us have made it a priority

 

 YVONNE

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:44 PM
6 moms liked this

So, let me get this straight. You got married young, split but decided you were too poor to divorce, you not only gave your daughter to your husband BUT moved 4 states away from her, now you hooked in some new dude and are about to pro-create again? Is that about right?

These posts from new members just keep getting better, and better, and better.

jojo_star
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:50 PM

This is what I was thinking. But, don't blame her age. I was 18 when I got married, 7 years later, I'm still very happily married to the same amazing man. Age isn't the problem. 

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

So, let me get this straight. You got married young, split but decided you were too poor to divorce, you not only gave your daughter to your husband BUT moved 4 states away from her, now you hooked in some new dude and are about to pro-create again? Is that about right?

These posts from new members just keep getting better, and better, and better.


lapcounter
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 3:07 AM


Quoting littlemrsd:

What about your ther daughter, where does she fit in? 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
akLiLmama907
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 3:55 AM

My husband and I have been together nearly 11 years, we didn't get married until 2009, we started dating in 2001!  if that answers your question. 

:)

clowry02
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 9:09 AM
I was thinking that to and what mom would give there daughter away like that I would never do that


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

So, let me get this straight. You got married young, split but decided you were too poor to divorce, you not only gave your daughter to your husband BUT moved 4 states away from her, now you hooked in some new dude and are about to pro-create again? Is that about right?

These posts from new members just keep getting better, and better, and better.


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