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Make up or move out ?

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 12:31 AM
  • 7 Replies
Well my dh and I have had a very stressful last few months ( money, work, his children from his first marriage child support, custody issues, and not seeing each other) we are at wits end----
I was trying to confront him over keeping a secret or not telling me a important fact highly involving my life and he just kept right on facebooking !!! I told him if he didn't care any more than that he coul get out! He said what vehicle do you want!! I made my choice and then he asked if we had enough momey to get divorced !! i tol him im not staying married for money if i loose ecerything so be it & he left ! He didn't try to argue or act upset or hurt or anything!! ( this is extremely normal for him) so I'm not sure what to think - I will say since he has been gone I have been calm and focused on house chores and not really been upset. I really don't want to divorce I do love the person he use to be, however the person he is now is completly diffrent!
Any personal opinions that are sincere would be greatly appreciated as I am honestly just in shock
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 12:31 AM
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Replies (1-7):
earthangel1967
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:46 AM

 If his reaction is his norm that doesn't sound like he is really committed to you or your  marriage.

It sounds like you  two have reached a state of indifference towards one another and that doesn't make for a very fullfillling or healthy marriage.

No one can tell you if making up  or moving  out is the right thing for you, because no one else knows 100% of the entire story/history etc and also no one else has to live with that choice like you do.

I believe that most of the answers to the  questions we ask are already inside of  us. I believe that your OWN  intuitions and gut feelings are already telling you  if you should give it another chance or give it up. Too many people ignore those things and I believe we are given intuitions and gut feelings to help guide us and it's a mistake to ignore them. So listen to your own inner guidance and follow thru.

I am sorry you  are going thru this and good luck.

 YVONNE

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:29 AM
This..

Quoting earthangel1967:

 If his reaction is his norm that doesn't sound like he is really committed to you or your  marriage.


It sounds like you  two have reached a state of indifference towards one another and that doesn't make for a very fullfillling or healthy marriage.


No one can tell you if making up  or moving  out is the right thing for you, because no one else knows 100% of the entire story/history etc and also no one else has to live with that choice like you do.


I believe that most of the answers to the  questions we ask are already inside of  us. I believe that your OWN  intuitions and gut feelings are already telling you  if you should give it another chance or give it up. Too many people ignore those things and I believe we are given intuitions and gut feelings to help guide us and it's a mistake to ignore them. So listen to your own inner guidance and follow thru.


I am sorry you  are going thru this and good luck.

NDADanceMom
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:49 AM
Go forward with the divorce unless he will go to therapy with you.
shimmifairy
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:59 AM

That you're not upset is an answer....that he's not upset is another answer...It's hard when someone you loved changes into someone you don't even like...but chances are he's not going to go back to the person he was....You have to let go of that...

Get your divorce and move on, you're happier and more peaceful with him gone, it seems....A big change like this is always a shock to the system, but it doesn't seem that your heartbroken, but relieved...

furbabymum
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:30 AM

 I've done this with my DH. In fact we sat next to each other at our computers and filled out the pro se divorce forms. Even supplying information to each other so we could fill them out speedily and correctly. Rather insane when you think about it. Here he is filling out the financial affidavit for me and I'm writing the complaint and his answer to the complaint. Those were some interesting times. We did rather calmly decide that counseling was necessary for us. See we were at the point you are. Where being apart didn't sound all that bad so we weren't upset about it. However, there was still love. We decided to stick it out and see what we could do. Was the best decision we've ever made. Now we have 2 kids and a ton of love. Our marriage has worked out nicely.

Anyhow, you can only work it out if he's willing to try. It won't be particularly easy either. I can't even say it'll really be worth it in the end. Hopefully it will be but who knows. So just ask him to go to marriage counseling with you. At the very least it may help you two come to some closure.

LuvMyZBoy
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:33 PM

Marriage is so hard at times! It sounds like you've had a really rocky season with a lot of external stressors pushing in on you both - you probably have different ways of coping with stress and that may all be colliding right now. So sorry for that :(

 I have to say I'm a big advocate for trying to work through hard times together as much as humanly possible before you throw in the towel - there are a lot of couples like furbabymum (above) out there - actually stats show that couples that "ride the wave" vs. divorce are often happier a few years out than those that choose to leave.

If you decide you'd like to try marriage counseling, Focus on the Family has referrals for all over the country. The # is 1800-232-6459. I work with them and they've really helped a lot of couples find new hope --no cost or strings attached at all. It could be worth a shot. May you find the courage and strength you need for today!

LuvMyZBoy
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 3:10 PM

How are you?

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