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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

My husband threw me for a loop tonight

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:30 AM
  • 17 Replies
We were talking about how even the nonlatex condoms are causing me issues and he said he wants a vasectemy. I know I probably misspelled it but I don't care. I'm upset. I'm only 25, in not sure that I'm done having children. I actually know I'm not. :( Advice? He said that because he will be 30 this year he is done. :(
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
skmehlebam
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:35 AM
1 mom liked this

My dh and I both said we wanted to be done at the age of 30, too. But we're the same age and we had our 4th child a month before I turned 30. I mean, it's a two way street. you both have to take into consideration of each other's feelings. I personally wouldn't want more kids with someone who didn't want them.

Ninjascreenname
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:39 AM
I'm not going to do anything to get pregnant. I wouldn't do that, I'm not that kind of person. I love our kids dearly but I guess this is where the age difference comes into play. I just needed to vent I think. This came from no where, sigh.

eta: thanks for your blunt honesty. I needed that and no I'm not being snarky.


Quoting skmehlebam:My dh and I both said we wanted to be done at the age of 30, too. But we're the same age and we had our 4th child a month before I turned 30. I mean, it's a two way street. you both have to take into consideration of each other's feelings. I personally wouldn't want more kids with someone who didn't want them.
MrsSexyCurtains
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:52 AM
I don't want kids after 30 either. Me and hubs are a year apart but we're on the same page as far as kids go.

Honestly if he feels he's done having kids, then if you had another he'd only be doing it for you, not him. Does that make sense? That's what happened to some friends of ours. He only gave her a child because she begged him to but deep down inside he truly did not want more.

I'd talk to him and see why he feels that way. If he doesn't change his mind then I'd say you have to accept his decision. I know you may want more but maybe y'all could foster a child as a happy medium.
skmehlebam
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:57 AM
I didn't imply that you would. I just meant its a 2 way street. One of you is going to have to bend. I know, way to state the obvious, eh? Lol. Ive never been in your shoes so I can only speculate, but I think it would hurt pretty bad if my dh didn't want another baby when I did. 4 was both of our limits. How many kids do you have? If we started having kids at an older age I wouldn't of had 30 as my limit. But I was 23 almost 24 when we had our first. Dh was already 24.

Quoting Ninjascreenname:

I'm not going to do anything to get pregnant. I wouldn't do that, I'm not that kind of person. I love our kids dearly but I guess this is where the age difference comes into play. I just needed to vent I think. This came from no where, sigh.



eta: thanks for your blunt honesty. I needed that and no I'm not being snarky.





Quoting skmehlebam:My dh and I both said we wanted to be done at the age of 30, too. But we're the same age and we had our 4th child a month before I turned 30. I mean, it's a two way street. you both have to take into consideration of each other's feelings. I personally wouldn't want more kids with someone who didn't want them.

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momalee40
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:58 AM
Why not try an iud? Something more reliable but not permanent. My dh had a vasectomy, was checked and told he was all clear, 2 mo later I'm pregnant. Yes, it is def his ! We both said no more kids but are thrilled w our little girl.
Ninjascreenname
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:38 AM
Because I have a lot of issues with endo and things along those lines. I had the Merina (sp) and I ended up having to have surgery to have it taken out. Never again will I put one of those things in my body.


Quoting momalee40:

Why not try an iud? Something more reliable but not permanent. My dh had a vasectomy, was checked and told he was all clear, 2 mo later I'm pregnant. Yes, it is def his ! We both said no more kids but are thrilled w our little girl.

Ninjascreenname
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:42 AM
I'll sound so selfish, but we have three. They are seven, almost three, and six months. They are still babies- kwim? I told him that we will be waiting a while and we would revisit this. If we revisit and it still is iffy then we will wait. I would rather him bend than me because I am the childrens sole caretaker but it still hurts. :'( Its not even like I'm saying that we need to have another baby next week, but I just don't feel like my wee one is my last wee one. Gahhhhhh I knew one day this would be a decision that had to be made but I am not ready for it.


Quoting skmehlebam:

I didn't imply that you would. I just meant its a 2 way street. One of you is going to have to bend. I know, way to state the obvious, eh? Lol. Ive never been in your shoes so I can only speculate, but I think it would hurt pretty bad if my dh didn't want another baby when I did. 4 was both of our limits. How many kids do you have? If we started having kids at an older age I wouldn't of had 30 as my limit. But I was 23 almost 24 when we had our first. Dh was already 24.



Quoting Ninjascreenname:

I'm not going to do anything to get pregnant. I wouldn't do that, I'm not that kind of person. I love our kids dearly but I guess this is where the age difference comes into play. I just needed to vent I think. This came from no where, sigh.





eta: thanks for your blunt honesty. I needed that and no I'm not being snarky.








Quoting skmehlebam:My dh and I both said we wanted to be done at the age of 30, too. But we're the same age and we had our 4th child a month before I turned 30. I mean, it's a two way street. you both have to take into consideration of each other's feelings. I personally wouldn't want more kids with someone who didn't want them.



Ninjascreenname
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 5:44 AM
He's already said no to fostering. That was a great want I gave up when we got married. See, I bent and gave in on that. LOL! Thank y'all for listening to me. Oh and not telling me I'm selfish


Quoting MrsSexyCurtains:

I don't want kids after 30 either. Me and hubs are a year apart but we're on the same page as far as kids go.



Honestly if he feels he's done having kids, then if you had another he'd only be doing it for you, not him. Does that make sense? That's what happened to some friends of ours. He only gave her a child because she begged him to but deep down inside he truly did not want more.



I'd talk to him and see why he feels that way. If he doesn't change his mind then I'd say you have to accept his decision. I know you may want more but maybe y'all could foster a child as a happy medium.

justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:30 AM
I think as a man at 30 he is being pretty smart and honest. You have to respect that. There is college to pay for and kids arent getting cheaper.

If you feel the need to revisit it do so but with gentle hands, he has already told you how he feels. Most men do not offer to get snipped if they aren't serious.
jen1130
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 7:19 AM
We had 3 boys and then Adopted a daughter when she was 2 ( our kids were 14,12,6 and 2)DH got it done. I knew I wanted more kids but he didn't so I said ok. I also knew that if he changed his mind we could always adopt again & we did 2 1/2 yrs ago we adopted a sibling group of 3 : )
Now our 7 kids are 25,23,17 14,12,12 and 6. Everything worked out perfect: )
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