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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

ok, here's the deal, I've been with my husband for three years, but not married that long.... there was this other guy that I left for my husband, who came back ( he was with someone else too) and we talked about a lot of things, before either of us got married, we are somehow deeply connected.  Well, we stopped talking and both got married, then when i'm at my lowest, can't get any real affection out of my hubby, i feel really low, and absolutely feel disappointed when i look in the mirror, don't have hardly any emotions towards my husband, sometimes hate it when he touches me at night, just skin contact, we never kiss goodnight,.... anyway you get the idea.....   guess who went out of his way to find me on Facebook, and my husband decided to pretend to be me and answer back, nothing bad, but suddenly I have butterflies again, I can feel again,... I managed to grab his number so I can call him tomorrow.... am I crazy, does this happen to everyone?

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 12:16 AM
Replies (41-50):
newstepmom61811
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 10:04 PM
You need counseling about yourself and the men you CHOOSE...that many marriages and that many unhappy...being poorly treated has to do with YOUR CHOICES...that is where you need to start working instead of playing games with another man outside your marriage...unless you want divorce #3


Quoting julariel:

2 divorces doesn't make me a bad person and neither does having doubts and regrets ... one ended because he hit me and went through and destroyed everything in our home, the 2 nd because he beat my 2 yr old daughter and showed no remorse and wouldnt get help, the 3 rd one died of a heart attack, u really shouldn't judge what u don't understand . I have been through counseling and is it really so bad to want to feel beautiful and attractive again ? Im trying to work on my marriage and tell him what i need it just doesn't seem to work. I talked to the other guy this morning and we discussed talking and friendship not cheating. Everyone needs somebody to talk to that understands them

carly32
by Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 8:05 AM
It's not a good idea to rely on other men to make you feel attractive and good about yourself. Trust me bc I used to get that feeling, like when I was mad at my husband another man wd be so much nicer to me (I wd think that anyway). I now realize that is a pure fantasy, and I think that with each new man comes new or different obstacles that try your relationship. Not all men are bad but in your heart you know you are just missing the sex w this one. After that 'thirst is quenched' he may go right back to his wife, and leave u in an even worse situation:(
1stTimeMom1982
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 9:14 AM
You're reacting to your husband not being affectionate enough which is a normal reaction for attention. However you need to talk to your husband about things if you want things to get better or end things with him so you can pursue the other guy. If you go with the other I hope you know what you're doing and it's not a mistake.
littleangie
by Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Think about the long term affect that it will have on you and others around you.

hancex6
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 8:44 PM
I don't think it is judgement, when there is a pattern. Okay so maybe the previous DH's were bad, but why is it that 3 of your 4 marriages were with bad men. Not pointing any fingers. Do you really think because you are so deeply connected to this guy that he will be any "better" than the rest, & is he still married? If he is...well if he isn't that is not saying much!

My favorite quote that explains all those FB post about how great everyone's DH's are;

"A "PERFECT MARRIAGE" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other!"

I've been married for 15 years, & there has been times when I couldn't stand my DH, even took a year in the beginning & moved out, but that year when I thought I would move on to bigger better things, find a man who woul treat me right...I got slapped in the face. I learned it wasn't just him that wax the problem. It wax the majority my fault. He didn't do things for me, or treat me right because I wouldn't let him. Good luck, just do the right thing, cheating is not right, put the shoe on the other foot.


Quoting julariel:

2 divorces doesn't make me a bad person and neither does having doubts and regrets ... one ended because he hit me and went through and destroyed everything in our home, the 2 nd because he beat my 2 yr old daughter and showed no remorse and wouldnt get help, the 3 rd one died of a heart attack, u really shouldn't judge what u don't understand . I have been through counseling and is it really so bad to want to feel beautiful and attractive again ? Im trying to work on my marriage and tell him what i need it just doesn't seem to work. I talked to the other guy this morning and we discussed talking and friendship not cheating. Everyone needs somebody to talk to that understands them

Blueluvr
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 10:05 PM

If you feel this way about your husband than why stay? Idk if it's jst me, but it seems as if your husband pretended to be you, then you jst got the number and thats it?! Are you 2 jst going to act like that didnt happen? NEITHER of you dont think this is an issue ASIDE from the fact that you are tempted to call another man in your "dispair" when it should be your husband you turn too? I think it's time to sit down and be the grown ups you are either fix this or end this... bc it's only going to get worse.. AND the other man is married? No no... not good.

ZennMomma
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 2:38 AM

If you are that unhappy, get a divorce. Don't cheat.

if you think you could have a happy marriage then try for that.

dont be a cheater.

and No, not everyone does this. I like to be noticed and of course getting attention feels good, but my husband makes me feel good too. He compliments me, we talk a lot, we work on problems and we have great intimacy.

yorkiemaz
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 9:13 AM

you need to sort things with hubby.. 

24clark
by Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 8:52 PM

So sad. You need to leave that issue alone and figure out your life. What you are doing isn't going to help you look in the mirror and like the reflection, it will only make you feel worse about yourself. What if the shoe was on the other foot. 

Also, why not dedicate this amount of energy on your HUSBAND? You are not a passenger in your life, this didn't just happen TO you, you made choices that put you where you are. Now woman up and do what is honorable and act like a married woman. Don't put yourself in a position that is unhonorable to you (and all wives out there) and also to the man you committed yourself to. You have already crossed over boundries that shouldn't have been, but it is not too late to do the right thing from here on out.

You need to work on you self esteem and your marriage, not who will climb into bed with a married woman. Good luck sister. I wish you the very best and that your marriage gets the attention it needs so you can find hapiness where you are at.

lifeglow
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 9:38 PM
I have no advice except that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. You may think your husband has all these imperfections etc but so will the other guy. Just try to go back and remember why you chose your dh. Why you got married. Try counceling. Dont cheat. If you have to be with the other guy, get a divorce.
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