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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

You picked him (#1 of "3 things to keep in mind")

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:40 AM
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1 mom liked this

I saw a link to this on another blog one day and thought they made a lot of sense.  I'm going to post them as 3 separate post & am including a link to where I found it.  This woman really makes a lot of sense.  

She does point out that her advice is for the average woman who married the average man and does NOT apply in the instances of really nasty things like abuse...

Link to #2 "You can't change him"
Link to #3 "He's not a girl"

Quote:http://gardenofholiness.blogspot.com/2009/04/attitude-tips-for-wives-and-moms.html

1. You picked him.
All right. You picked him. If he really is as bad as you say he is, then who's fault is that really? Were you really such a bad judge of character all those years ago? The thing we ladies don't think about when we indulge in our sport of male bashing is this, while you are ranting people are wondering what was it in you that made such a (insert your favorite anti-hubby adjective here) man attractive to you.
What did make him attractive to you? Was he good with his hands? Good with kids? Did his voice in your ear send you over the moon? Come on! There's got to be something. Remember back to the days when your wedding band was so new it had a mirror sheen instead of the little nicks and scratches of long use. He was much kinder then. So were you. Try kindness again. Try it for a month. See if kindness and good manners on your part don't bring about a softening on his part. See if they don't bring back into the marriage that hopeful young woman and that sweet young man.


by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Fayanne
by Gold Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:46 AM

Very true.

And yes, while some women are pissing and moaning about how they are treated by their dh, I do wonder 'Then why in heck did you marry him?' because people don't change over night.

We get treated by others they way we allow them to treat us.

newwifenmom
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this

Good point but yes sometimes when we are very young we are bad judges of character.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:35 AM
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Sometimes, perhaps 10 or so years later, the reasons you picked him aren't good enough anymore. People evolve, but if both parties don't evolve together, the reasons you got together in the first place matter very little. 

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:18 PM

 I think this all the time when I read posts in here.

deadlights86
by Emily on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:25 PM

My dh is much different now than when I got with him. I would really like it if he could go back to being how he was when we first got together but I don't see that happening.

jojo_star
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:27 PM
While that is true, people do change.
kidlover2
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:39 PM
Yes and no. People change, that's a fact. It depends on circumstances and personalities sometimes. Looking back, I see tiny hints of character flaws in my ex-husband, but I never would have guessed that a year after we married, he would break his ankle and then foster a chemical dependency that turned in to just about everything and anything. Drugs turn people in to scary people.
Krysden
by Platinum Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:25 PM

Sure, sometimes people change... but I don't think it's that common for people to change the fundamentals of who they are.  From what I've seen in people over the years, they rarely change their core beliefs & values.   The details may vary, but those large parts that really make up who they are, seem to stay fairly steady. 

Obviously this is not always the case though. 

Jwick
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:25 PM

In a way I think its true.  But life changes people.  Sometimes the change is so big and gradual that the reasons you married may no longer even exist.  Espeially if you built your life of superficial things.  And more often than not people dont get to really know each other before they marry.

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:28 PM



Quoting newwifenmom:

Good point but yes sometimes when we are very young we are bad judges of character.

True enough


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