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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Have you ever made plans for what you'd do if you lost or divorced your spouse?

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:10 AM
  • 17 Replies

Every Married Woman Needs a Plan B in Case of Divorce

by The Stir Bloggers

parachuteI don't know about most divorced ladies, but I saw my split with my husband coming -- by a few years. I'd brought it up a few times, and he kept talking me out of it, which was sort of a relief. But I knew I was just postponing the inevitable. So I came up with the list: My Plan B. Everything I needed to put in order before I could divorce my husband for real, this time.

I'm so glad I made that list and followed through with it. I'm glad I didn't wallow in denial -- or in false hope. Some might say I doomed my marriage by giving up that hope and planning for the worst. But who's to say what the worst is? I say planning for a split is the most hopeful thing a woman can do.

First on my list was to get a full-time job with health insurance. Before I'd just sort of pieced together a career with freelance this and that. But if I was going to be on my own, I'd need much more stability. No more swinging from vine to vine. Plus, I knew I'd need a reason to get dressed and leave my home every day. I knew working from home in my pajamas would not be conducive to my recovery.

But it wasn't enough for me to just get "a" job -- because I had time, I went after the writing career I'd never thought before I could pull off. Something about taking the bold step of admitting I was headed toward a divorce also emboldened me to stop monkeying around with my career and start working at something I actually wanted to do. As long as I was thinking about what I wanted my life to look like, it just made sense to apply that to my career.

And then I got a hold of my finances. I should have been doing this all along, but I created a spreadsheet tracking all my expenses. I wanted to find out if I could actually make it on my own. To my great relief, the math all worked out.

That's not everything from Plan B, but it's enough to show something interesting: Planning for the "worst" outcome actually improved my life before I even started to divorce my husband. Suddenly it was no longer about giving up -- it was about making smart choices and planning for the future. Even if I hadn't decided to divorce, I would have been moving ahead with a clearer vision of what I wanted my life to look like.

You never know what's going to happen next. It may not be divorce -- your husband could die suddenly. Anything could happen. Viewing your life through the lens of "what if" can be just the motivation and perspective shift you need to make changes that will make you happier regardless of what happens with your marriage.

Have you ever made plans for what you'd do if you lost or divorced your spouse?

by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommabearbergh
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:14 AM
I made a plan if my spouse died not if we divorced though. I guess I could use the same plan. It's pretty much stay single raise my girls till they are both in college. Travel for a bit and settle in Ireland Scotland, England or Jamaica.
HappyGirl77
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:21 AM

I've thought about it...

RheaF
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:21 AM

If my DH died? Yes, I do have a plan. No, I do not plan for divorce. IMHO, that would just be setting myself up. In our marriage we believe that divorce is not an option.

If he died, I would stay single, finish school, and live my life with my children.

3xangel
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:35 AM
2 moms liked this
I'll continue what I'm doing now. I already have a career and money for a rainy day.
lancet98
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes, every one should have a plan for what to do if their spouse died or they got divorced.   Either event is common and no one is immune.

Especially,  every person should keep up their work skills even if they aren't currently working.   Attending classes, being involved with a family business, learning new things all the time, is very, very important.   Always be looking to a possible future where you are on your own.  Always be planning for it.  

Fayanne
by Gold Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this

 You should always have a plan for what to do if your spouse were to die or become incapacitated.  Too many times women are left in a financial hell hole because they don't have access to financial information or lack the skills to deal with it.

Both spouses should know all the insurances, bank account info. etc. In most cases, I am going to say both spouses' names should be on everything, the only exception is that you should have at least some money in an account with only your name on it, and at least one credit card with only your name on it. And apply for credit in your name only. Buying a car? Get it titled and registered in your name only if it's going to be primarily or exclusively for your use.

I have had a huge headache of an ordeal straightening out our homeowner's insurance policy because only EX's name was on it. Why ? I have no clue. We were married when we took it out.

And the Hughesnet bill I am still paying monthly, even though the satellite is disconnected. His name alone is on the Hughesnet account, and it's billed automatically to my credit card. Can't cancel it on my own since it's not my account. Credit card company won't not pay it, either.

Wills, power of attorney, etc, .. those should be all set, too.

There is no reason to think "I need to plan for divorce" will lead to "I will get divorced".

Never say never.

My divorce lawyer very sternly (but supportively) told me not to get married again without a pre-nup.

newwifenmom
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:03 AM

A loose plan

furbabymum
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

 Yes to both and also to if he became horribly disabeled. I tend to like to have plans and know what I would do/how we would be. Also, detailed plans on how to murder him and make it look like an accident should the need ever arise. ;) I kid, kinda....

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:39 AM
4 moms liked this

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD! Not that you want to, or expect it to happen, but for petes sakes ladies, have some means to support yourself if something unexpected happens. I get so tired of hearing "I've got no money, and no where to go". You may be a wife, but you are also an adult who is capable of making their own decisions and taking care of themselves. You don't lose the ability to become a functioning member of society when you become a wife and mother. Women need to remember that. 

AlannaMaria
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:05 PM
I'm working on it
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