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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

A judge taking away parental rights?!?! Help!!!

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:46 PM
  • 14 Replies
My SO wants to adopt my boys when we get married. The problem is my ex- he is not involded in their life even though he lives 2 miles away. He doesnt see them doesnt talk or call them. He hasnt ever held a job, is thousands behind in CS. He has no license lives with his parents, has been addicted to drugs, has been to rehab and a mental facility for a month. And has been in and out of jail several times.. But especially this yr. he also has multiple warrents out for his arrest. He has never filed for visitation or custody. I have full and sole physical and legal custody of the boys, always have.

Now me and SO have a home that we own, 2 cars .. He has a great job that pays very well and has been at this company for 7yrs. Were a great team, he loves the boys and they love him- they actually think he is their dad.

The problem is the ex will not sign over his rights, why? I dont know since clearly he doesnt want anything to do with them. We would like to get a lawyer and take him to court to fight for his rights. I know this is hard to do and i know that me and SO will need to be married before a judge would ever allow him to adopt.

My question is does anyone have any experience with this?? Or any advice.. I know it will be a long process- i just wan to make sure we come at it 2000%
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DKk0531
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 12:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Just went through this with dd and her bio dad. Every state is different. In NV, the grounds for terminating rights were
-havent paid cs in 6+ months (bio dad was served 2 yrs ago and never paid anything)
-hasent seen or tried to see the child in 6+ months (he hasent seen her or tried to since dec 2010)
-hasent tried to contact the child in 6+ months

it was an extremely long drawn out process. We filed last oct to have his rights terminated, before we were married. The court date was set for june, 7 months after we got married. Bio dad got his notice for a court date and said he would be there to fight it. He wasent there of course. The judge was a hardass, he even called him on conference call to give him his chance to state his case. He said a bunch of bs. Rights were terminated on the grounds of abandoment. We are still waiting for the court order stating that, two months later, going on three.

Your ex sounds excalty like mine and if your state laws are like mine, then go for it. You have a great case. First step is to get a lawyer, then find out your state laws. Go from there. Keep all contact or anything you have showing he doesnt want to ses his kids, and emails, texts, fb. Get a letter from CS division saying he hasent paid and is this far behind. If he was abusive at all in the relationship, get police reports. Evidence will be your best friend. Goodluck.
BlessedAgain3
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 1:10 PM
Thank you. I live in michigan and it would be on abondment charges as well. But mine has to be 2yrs of non payment or constantly seeing the kids. But with the different ages i have 2yrs on one but not the other..and honestly my ex would do the same- he would say he will fight it but i dont think he would show, honestly. But im just wondering if i should wait the full two yrs to give myself a better fighting chance. I dont want to come to court with all this evidence and clearly show hes not in the kids best interest but since it hasnt been a full 2yrs they throw it out..

Do you mind me asking about how much did the whole thing run you?
furbabymum
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 1:13 PM

 it's called abandonment. If you can prove it his rights can be taken away.

DKk0531
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 1:33 PM
Ide wait the full two yrs. I know it sucks, but if you go to court, the judge is gonna look at you like...you dont even meet the requirments. It was the hardest thing for me having to wait and think ok hes gonna call out of the blue or send in CS...he never did of course.

I had a friend of mine from high school, shes a paralegal, she did the paperwork for me and charged me only 30 an hr instead of lawyer fees, that was only like 120 total, then the filing fees were 385. And that was it, but i also didnt use a lawyer. I figured my case was so cut and dry it wasent complicated so i didnt need a lawyer. If it were to get messy somewhere then i would have needed a lawyer.

As the judge said to me, these kind of cases are the equivalent of the death penalty and when you start it you really need to have all ground covered and be ready to hand over anything they ask for. I thought i was prepared and wasent. I just got lucky the judge saw the dead beat in my ex. Wait the full two yrs and collect everything you can


Quoting BlessedAgain3:

Thank you. I live in michigan and it would be on abondment charges as well. But mine has to be 2yrs of non payment or constantly seeing the kids. But with the different ages i have 2yrs on one but not the other..and honestly my ex would do the same- he would say he will fight it but i dont think he would show, honestly. But im just wondering if i should wait the full two yrs to give myself a better fighting chance. I dont want to come to court with all this evidence and clearly show hes not in the kids best interest but since it hasnt been a full 2yrs they throw it out..



Do you mind me asking about how much did the whole thing run you?

BlessedAgain3
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 3:04 PM
What were you not prepared for??


At least yours was 6months...2yrs feels like forever from now!! :( and thats what im worrired about that he will randomly come around


Quoting DKk0531:

Ide wait the full two yrs. I know it sucks, but if you go to court, the judge is gonna look at you like...you dont even meet the requirments. It was the hardest thing for me having to wait and think ok hes gonna call out of the blue or send in CS...he never did of course.



I had a friend of mine from high school, shes a paralegal, she did the paperwork for me and charged me only 30 an hr instead of lawyer fees, that was only like 120 total, then the filing fees were 385. And that was it, but i also didnt use a lawyer. I figured my case was so cut and dry it wasent complicated so i didnt need a lawyer. If it were to get messy somewhere then i would have needed a lawyer.



As the judge said to me, these kind of cases are the equivalent of the death penalty and when you start it you really need to have all ground covered and be ready to hand over anything they ask for. I thought i was prepared and wasent. I just got lucky the judge saw the dead beat in my ex. Wait the full two yrs and collect everything you can




Quoting BlessedAgain3:

Thank you. I live in michigan and it would be on abondment charges as well. But mine has to be 2yrs of non payment or constantly seeing the kids. But with the different ages i have 2yrs on one but not the other..and honestly my ex would do the same- he would say he will fight it but i dont think he would show, honestly. But im just wondering if i should wait the full two yrs to give myself a better fighting chance. I dont want to come to court with all this evidence and clearly show hes not in the kids best interest but since it hasnt been a full 2yrs they throw it out..





Do you mind me asking about how much did the whole thing run you?


DKk0531
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 3:18 PM
I had so much evidence against him, fb messages, emails, texts, recorded phone calls (because i had a restraining order) letters from CS. But the stuff i wasent prepared for the the bs he starts spewing out which i knew he would. How hes a big war hero marine...um no...he was kicked out before dd was even a thought, how he has her on his medical insurance with the VA, once again he has no VA benefits, he was kicked out, how he has this bank account set up for her with thousands of dollers. It was all lies and i had nothing to prove it was lies, but the judge saw through all that crap

i would suggest, if you think your ex is gonna say something not true, even just a thought of what if he says that or tries this, have something to back yourself up, like hes been in and out of jail, he might try to say hes had a steady job for so many months, get arrest records proving hes been in and out of jail. Stuff like that.

The judge kept asking me if i had evidence to show he was being dishonest and i kept having to say no. It made me look unprepared. I knew the things he would lie about but i was just too lazy to get the evidence :(


Quoting BlessedAgain3:

What were you not prepared for??





At least yours was 6months...2yrs feels like forever from now!! :( and thats what im worrired about that he will randomly come around




Quoting DKk0531:

Ide wait the full two yrs. I know it sucks, but if you go to court, the judge is gonna look at you like...you dont even meet the requirments. It was the hardest thing for me having to wait and think ok hes gonna call out of the blue or send in CS...he never did of course.





I had a friend of mine from high school, shes a paralegal, she did the paperwork for me and charged me only 30 an hr instead of lawyer fees, that was only like 120 total, then the filing fees were 385. And that was it, but i also didnt use a lawyer. I figured my case was so cut and dry it wasent complicated so i didnt need a lawyer. If it were to get messy somewhere then i would have needed a lawyer.





As the judge said to me, these kind of cases are the equivalent of the death penalty and when you start it you really need to have all ground covered and be ready to hand over anything they ask for. I thought i was prepared and wasent. I just got lucky the judge saw the dead beat in my ex. Wait the full two yrs and collect everything you can






Quoting BlessedAgain3:

Thank you. I live in michigan and it would be on abondment charges as well. But mine has to be 2yrs of non payment or constantly seeing the kids. But with the different ages i have 2yrs on one but not the other..and honestly my ex would do the same- he would say he will fight it but i dont think he would show, honestly. But im just wondering if i should wait the full two yrs to give myself a better fighting chance. I dont want to come to court with all this evidence and clearly show hes not in the kids best interest but since it hasnt been a full 2yrs they throw it out..







Do you mind me asking about how much did the whole thing run you?



BlessedAgain3
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 3:57 PM
I think he would say he had a job, and if he did i would ask to see a paystub or why hes not paying his CS

I know he would say that hes asked to see the kids and i dont let him. YET HE has no evidence of that. I would just say if thats true why havent you filed for visitation or custody.

We dont communicated on FB bc he blocked me. When he calls, if ever, its always a different number. I dont even know his number bc it changes so much.


Quoting DKk0531:

I had so much evidence against him, fb messages, emails, texts, recorded phone calls (because i had a restraining order) letters from CS. But the stuff i wasent prepared for the the bs he starts spewing out which i knew he would. How hes a big war hero marine...um no...he was kicked out before dd was even a thought, how he has her on his medical insurance with the VA, once again he has no VA benefits, he was kicked out, how he has this bank account set up for her with thousands of dollers. It was all lies and i had nothing to prove it was lies, but the judge saw through all that crap



i would suggest, if you think your ex is gonna say something not true, even just a thought of what if he says that or tries this, have something to back yourself up, like hes been in and out of jail, he might try to say hes had a steady job for so many months, get arrest records proving hes been in and out of jail. Stuff like that.



The judge kept asking me if i had evidence to show he was being dishonest and i kept having to say no. It made me look unprepared. I knew the things he would lie about but i was just too lazy to get the evidence :(




Quoting BlessedAgain3:

What were you not prepared for??








At least yours was 6months...2yrs feels like forever from now!! :( and thats what im worrired about that he will randomly come around






Quoting DKk0531:

Ide wait the full two yrs. I know it sucks, but if you go to court, the judge is gonna look at you like...you dont even meet the requirments. It was the hardest thing for me having to wait and think ok hes gonna call out of the blue or send in CS...he never did of course.







I had a friend of mine from high school, shes a paralegal, she did the paperwork for me and charged me only 30 an hr instead of lawyer fees, that was only like 120 total, then the filing fees were 385. And that was it, but i also didnt use a lawyer. I figured my case was so cut and dry it wasent complicated so i didnt need a lawyer. If it were to get messy somewhere then i would have needed a lawyer.







As the judge said to me, these kind of cases are the equivalent of the death penalty and when you start it you really need to have all ground covered and be ready to hand over anything they ask for. I thought i was prepared and wasent. I just got lucky the judge saw the dead beat in my ex. Wait the full two yrs and collect everything you can








Quoting BlessedAgain3:

Thank you. I live in michigan and it would be on abondment charges as well. But mine has to be 2yrs of non payment or constantly seeing the kids. But with the different ages i have 2yrs on one but not the other..and honestly my ex would do the same- he would say he will fight it but i dont think he would show, honestly. But im just wondering if i should wait the full two yrs to give myself a better fighting chance. I dont want to come to court with all this evidence and clearly show hes not in the kids best interest but since it hasnt been a full 2yrs they throw it out..









Do you mind me asking about how much did the whole thing run you?




MomToovey
by Marianne on Aug. 20, 2013 at 4:18 PM

 I don't have any experience, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck. ((HUGS))

BlessedAgain3
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 6:54 PM
Bump
jamamama00
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 6:57 PM
My advice is to give him hell....hound him for child support...when he doesn't pay keep taking him back in to court.....keep doing everything you can to get him arrested...all the while letting him know that you will stop it all once he signs those papers.
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