Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

what is the first step you would take to leaving your husband

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 5:51 PM
  • 19 Replies

 i have been battling this demon for  years.... and alot of you have bashed me for staying with this emotionally abusive man...but i have decided i am out.....i just need advise on the first step i need to take...i have never been a strong women...i am weakend by his " i love you's", but i can  no longer do this to myself or my kids.....i hate this man......

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 5:51 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Docgirl2000
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 5:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Stash away money. Reach out to family/friends or anyone who will help you. Come up with a strategy.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Fayanne
by Gold Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:07 PM
7 moms liked this

 start collecting copies of financial statements, payroll statements, bank statements, etc. Write down all account numbers for financial insitutions, life insurance policies, retirement plans, mortgage balance if you own, vehicle loans, car values, etc. ANYTHING that has value. These are all marital assets.

Start squirreling away money if you don't have your own income.

Get his social security number if you don't already know it.

Know his salary, overtime, bonuses, additional compensations (cell, gas, mileage, etc).

You'll need to itemize everything the two of you own. You'll also need to come up with reasonable costs of groceries, medical bills, utilities, schooling, clothing, etc. Whatever it costs for you to live.

Does he have a degree or special certification? That has value, too.

Get pictures of cars, trucks, trailers, motorcycles, etc.

Take a photo inventory of things in the house.

Start looking around for a  lawyer.

Make an extra set of keys for the house, nd the car if you can

If there's anything of value that you own personally that is not marital property, hide it!

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:13 PM
2 moms liked this

THIS!!!! All of this.. and GOOD LUCK MOMMA!!! You got this.



Quoting Fayanne:

 start collecting copies of financial statements, payroll statements, bank statements, etc. Write down all account numbers for financial insitutions, life insurance policies, retirement plans, mortgage balance if you own, vehicle loans, car values, etc. ANYTHING that has value. These are all marital assets.

Start squirreling away money if you don't have your own income.

Get his social security number if you don't already know it.

Know his salary, overtime, bonuses, additional compensations (cell, gas, mileage, etc).

You'll need to itemize everything the two of you own. You'll also need to come up with reasonable costs of groceries, medical bills, utilities, schooling, clothing, etc. Whatever it costs for you to live.

Does he have a degree or special certification? That has value, too.

Get pictures of cars, trucks, trailers, motorcycles, etc.

Take a photo inventory of things in the house.

Start looking around for a  lawyer.

Make an extra set of keys for the house, nd the car if you can

If there's anything of value that you own personally that is not marital property, hide it!



cali_angel_girl
by Amy :) on Aug. 26, 2013 at 7:15 PM

I haven't been in that situation and hope I never am but I just wanted to say good luck with everything hun ((hugs))

Texasladybug84
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 8:04 PM
Get support lots of it
Start counseling immediately
And get your own income
Nicolle_09
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:52 PM

the first thing i did when I prepared to leave was get a copy of all the legal forms that I would need to file and fill them out. That way the day i left i just had to drop them off. But I knew I had a place to go, you need to find a friend or family member you and your kids can go stay with, someone that will keep you from going back

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Aug. 27, 2013 at 12:11 AM
1 mom liked this

 In addition to the excellent advice already given, try to get a lawyer. If you can't a a lawyer, if you  are low income on your own (without  him)... then call your local legal aid office and make an appt to see if you  qualify for a FREE probono divorce lawyer. I DID! And my lawyer helped me for free right from the filing of the divorce and serving the papers, advice for me along the way and everything from me getting sole custody of my 4 kids, division of property, getting my maiden name back, everything all the way until the day the divorce was finalized (which takes 1 year in Michigan.) That help was priceless and didn't cost me 1 penny.

good luck

 YVONNE

Dreamly
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 3:39 AM
This plus get a job. When my exh and I "separated" I still lived in the home we shared because he said he wouldn't just throw me out on the streets. I saved up money from our accounts and knew every detail I possibly could know. I got a job working at Walmart for a while until I got a job that made enough money for me to support myself and my child while maintaining my own home. It made things 10000000% easier to have my own income.
Quoting Fayanne:

 start collecting copies of financial statements, payroll statements, bank statements, etc. Write down all account numbers for financial insitutions, life insurance policies, retirement plans, mortgage balance if you own, vehicle loans, car values, etc. ANYTHING that has value. These are all marital assets.

Start squirreling away money if you don't have your own income.

Get his social security number if you don't already know it.

Know his salary, overtime, bonuses, additional compensations (cell, gas, mileage, etc).

You'll need to itemize everything the two of you own. You'll also need to come up with reasonable costs of groceries, medical bills, utilities, schooling, clothing, etc. Whatever it costs for you to live.

Does he have a degree or special certification? That has value, too.

Get pictures of cars, trucks, trailers, motorcycles, etc.

Take a photo inventory of things in the house.

Start looking around for a  lawyer.

Make an extra set of keys for the house, nd the car if you can

If there's anything of value that you own personally that is not marital property, hide it!

Gmgej
by Michele on Aug. 27, 2013 at 8:46 AM

I would secretly build a nest egg.

LoraKuhn
by Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 9:01 AM

I agree that you  need to "squirrel away" money of your own. Depending on where you live and how long you've been married, I suggest you don't find a full time job until the divorce is final because, Im told that will affect the amount of alimony and child support you receive, and if there are kids, you need to try and hang on to the house and make him leave. Your best advice will come from a lawyer however. I think I'm going to be going through the same thing very soon and, that is the advice given to me.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)