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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is there such a thing as a nice man?

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:07 PM
  • 27 Replies

Ok, here is the situation. My df and I live together, have a child together and I am a SAHM, so we might as well be married. We got into a big fight and I said somethings i shouldn't have. I have apologized tremendously. This happened two nights ago. He ignored me all day yesterday, then didn't talk to me until thirty minutes before he left to go to work. He left me tonight in tears, crying my heart out because he is so mad at me for something I feel terrible about doing and he knows how bad I feel, yet he continuously yells at me and makes me feel worse. I feel like he is so mean, I told him he is so, and he told me to grow up, to go get my big girl panties on. I feel heartbroken and shattered to pieces. Are all men this mean? 


Thank you all for your answers, obviously there is a lot more going on than what I just posted, but most of your responses were very helpful. Time heals all wounds, I suppose.


by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
OliviaW.
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:12 PM
No. My dh & I don't really fight. When we do have an argument we don't raise our voices but after it's over and we've gotten whatever it was off of our chests it's done and over, we let it go.
Nicolle_09
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this

No and he sounds like he is the one that needs to grow up and get over it. If you have said your sorry and shown how bad it makes you feel then he has no reason to keep hurting you. 

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Aug. 27, 2013 at 12:31 AM

 No I have met many nice guys after my divorce when I was online dating and then married the best one of all. Even when we get into a disagreement, the worst it gets is one or both of us might get an irritated or frustrated tone but we never say mean or hurtful things to eachother and make one another more important than whatever topic and know how to respectfully agree to disagree or compromise or whatever.

I don't know your df but maybe he was just reacting from feeling really hurt too. It sounds like it might be  helpful for both of you to learn conflict resolution and healthy ways to express yourselves when you are in a disagreement that can be a healthy effective outlet and resolution to things instead of hurtful, damaging even scarring event?

 YVONNE

MagicTemptation
by Christina on Aug. 27, 2013 at 7:53 AM
2 moms liked this

He is probably still hurt. Just because you said sorry doesn't mean he can just let go of the anger. Without knowing what you said and done we do not know if his behavior is justified or not. 

Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 8:01 AM
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I always tell my kids that sorry isn't usually enough and that you need to choose your words and actions wisely because you can't always make it better as easily as you can hurt someone.

the reality is that is you want a nice guy, you have to act nice yourself. you can't throw crap at them when you are mad and expect them to later say, " ok, you feel bad about it now so I'm not going to be hurt any longer"

we attract the kind of people who are like us. if we want the good, responsible kind of men we have to be the good, responsible kind of woman.
Fayanne
by Gold Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 8:08 AM

 No.

My ex would walk out and not talk to me for oh... 4 days, whenever he was mad at me. No kiss, nothing. And when he was mad at me, he was mad at the kids too. Years of that erroded the marriage and finally, I had had enough.

Now I am dating a new guy, and we had a lot of talks about our failed previous relationships early on. One of the things I wanted to know early on was "What do you do when you get mad?", and later in our relationship, I told him that if he ever gets livid over something, to promise to tell me he still loves me.

Unfortunately, the 'technique' he uses when he's mad, he probably learned from his parents. You did too. I will bite my tongue to shreds and tears before I will ever same something that hits below the emotional belt. You can't unring the bell, and once those words fly out of your mouth, you have no control over what they'll do. Now, he's lashing back.

Respect is a big thing with guys, moreso than love. If you treat him with disrespect, it's a huge emotional blow.

Give him some space to cool off. And learn some better techniques to handling your disagreements. Once you've crossed that 'Don't go there, Don't say THAT' barrier, it's a lot easier to go there next time, then you end up in a huge downward spiral.

jellybeanjean
by Bronze Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 10:11 AM

my DH can be pretty mean when we fight. But I mean thats what happens when you fight. He gets over it eventually - I assume your DF will too.

furbabymum
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 10:19 AM

 Hmm you seem to both have some issues. Communication issues. A good marriage counselor could help you break the pattern of communication you are currently in and build a healthy one. I think you should seek out help.

P.S. My DH is bipolar and he's not really been mean to me ever. He just broke a lot of shit around the house.

jlbelknap35
by Bronze Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 10:23 AM
I like this answer


Quoting Roo1234:

I always tell my kids that sorry isn't usually enough and that you need to choose your words and actions wisely because you can't always make it better as easily as you can hurt someone.



the reality is that is you want a nice guy, you have to act nice yourself. you can't throw crap at them when you are mad and expect them to later say, " ok, you feel bad about it now so I'm not going to be hurt any longer"



we attract the kind of people who are like us. if we want the good, responsible kind of men we have to be the good, responsible kind of woman.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Aug. 27, 2013 at 10:39 AM

 Your husband might forgive you. But not right away. What you said to him is till fresh in his mind. Give him time

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