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Need help dealing with SD

Posted by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:46 PM
  • 3 Replies

My SD is 22yr old and the only time she will contact my DH is when she wants something or is trying to get information for my SIL who my DH has cut all ties with do to drug use and abandon her own children. My DH has not really had relationship with her do to he didn't know about her until she was 18 and she contacted him. I try to be supportive of him trying to have some kind of relationship, but I'm getting tired of her being such a brat.I was handstitching bibs for her son who was born in December. Right before I was ready to ship them she informed us shedidn't like bibs and was throwing them out, so I gave the bibs to a friend of mine who had a baby around the same time. SD threw a fit and has not talked to me since. Then she had ask us to refinance our home to send her and her husband $10,000 to help catch up their back house payment and when he told her no she didn't talk to him for 6 months. Now his sister is living in the same state and trying to make trouble for my DH. He does have a felonywhich we have never hidden from anyone so her trying to exploit this has backed fired on his sister so now she is using he DD to get more information. I know he wants a relationship with her but we both hate how he is being used. DH has multiple seizure disorder that is controlled by medication however he has break threw seizures when under a lot of stress, which with all SD crap he has had 4 so far this week alone. How much longer should I let this go before trying to convince he his DD is not worth it or set ground rules for him to have relationship with her?

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:46 PM
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Replies (1-3):
jorjiegirl
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 12:11 AM
Wow so sorry for you guys, I would stop answering them to be honest his health isn't worth the stress and aggravation, they sound so manipulative...
lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 12:21 AM
That's something he needs to decide not you. I hope he tells his daughter to grow up or move on. That he wont play her sad little games anymore or be used.he needs to realize his health is more important then the games dd and sis are playing.
earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Sep. 4, 2013 at 12:54 AM

 I agree with this.. it does have to be up to him, you can't do it for him because if you do it won't stick or he may even resent you on some level even though you mean well.

You can talk to him about your concerns but be a good listener too and listen to his feelings and wants needs and concerns. He most liikely has mixed feelings. So far he is doing a good job keeping healthy boundaries as far as NOT allowing her to manipulate or use him. If she goes thru long periods of no contact to punish him for not allowing her to use him then comfort him with the peace of mind that he didnt do anything wrong and is doing the right thing and maybe do some relaxation exercises or even go on youtube and type in hypnosis for relaxation or hypnosis for anxiety or hypnosis for stress relief and use those during the hard times. Its very healthy and effective! (try to choose recordings that are 15 min or longer).

Remind him that sometimes we can care for and love someone but if they make us feel like they poke a hole in our soul and drain the light out or make us feel bad when ever we have contact with them then they are toxic for us and if so it is important to keep our distance from them UNLESS or UNTIL they respect us and our boundaries and to stay firm letting them know we will only accept respectful kind behavior (we teach people how to treat us by what we put up with and where we set our firm boundaries- they can take it or leave it but we are taking tlc of us and IF she decides she doesnt want to  follow that she is an adult and that is her poor choice and her loss it does not mean he failed or did anything wrong)

good luck

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

That's something he needs to decide not you. I hope he tells his daughter to grow up or move on. That he wont play her sad little games anymore or be used.he needs to realize his health is more important then the games dd and sis are playing.

 

 YVONNE

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