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what do you do when you love your partner but are no longer in love with them

Posted by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 1:12 AM
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I have been with my DH for 23 yrs we have two adult girls 20 and 18 been through man many bad yrs and a few good ones but over the past 8 yrs have felt my self feeling less an less in love things I used to move on from I find I can no longer get past and just do not even try to express anything any more as it becomes the one bad part of sentence that is used against me ex: title of post you know what would be argued about you don't love me any more or if I say you are over reacting things get thrown and smashed see now I over reacted hate to say it but really am sorry I ever married or had my girls as they are his favorite weapon he works them all up causes horrible scenes and just leaves after everything is destroyed countless holidays and any special event have stopped going to social affairs over this because price is just to much when kids were little I carried on trying to make things special and keep in Holiday mood for them but never failed always a scene involved kids finally told him pleas estop ruining everything now just glowers all day just cannot do this any more would like to find that feeling again may be just to late not sure any more to ld and to young for thi crap thanks just needed to get out
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 1:12 AM
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LadyBast
by Brenda on Sep. 6, 2013 at 11:34 AM

I would say he needs help not sure it is you at all but if he is doing this I would toss his butt out and say get a life no reason to ruin all for everyone b/c he wants to be an ass and to me that is what he is doing...

Leave him or make him go you cannot let this keep going on I sure would not then again we used to do this I was worse I would break anything when I was mad but I was married young and had a child... Now I know better and we have been married 27 years  our daughter is 27...

Good luck!

mommadana
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 12:11 PM
23 years is a long time to just walk away. Id you are a reader, check out marriage on the rock by Jimmy Evans. If you like watching videos check out you tube same title. There is a chapter in there about how to find your love again and to make your marriage Better. Not saying he doesn't have issues, but do your kids come first or does he? If your kids came first the past 20 years, he may be jealous bc he is supposed to come first and your kids immediately afterwards. Something to think on.
PartyGalAnne
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 1:54 PM
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Are you happy?

If not, move on. You only get one life to live.

Irish_mama_2011
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 3:13 PM
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I've never understood that phrase, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." It makes no sense to me.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Sep. 6, 2013 at 4:59 PM
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 I agree with this. Love is a choice, not an emotion. You control how you feel about people.

However, only you can decide what is right for you. It seems 23 years is a long time to just throw away, but we can't tell you what to do.

Quoting Irish_mama_2011:

I've never understood that phrase, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." It makes no sense to me.

 




I'm training for a half marathon! If you'd like to follow my progress from an "All hope is lost" couch potato with a bad knee to a marathon runner, "like" my Page!

Irish_mama_2011
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 6:24 PM

I don't think it's always a choice, sometimes when you feel very strongly about something you just can't help the way you feel, but I suppose if you don't let your emotions get the best of you it is a choice.


Quoting MomToovey:

 I agree with this. Love is a choice, not an emotion. You control how you feel about people.

However, only you can decide what is right for you. It seems 23 years is a long time to just throw away, but we can't tell you what to do.

Quoting Irish_mama_2011:

I've never understood that phrase, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." It makes no sense to me.

 



Momof697
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 7:22 PM
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Love is not a feeling love is a verb. and sometimes we do not feel loving towards our Husbands it is up to us to push through and choose to love them in ways they hear and see it. Everyone has a love language and you might speak one language but their's is a different one so it is like you just spoke a foreign language to them.  Find out what their love language is and speak it. Remember what attracted them to you.

D.O.E.
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:33 PM

it makes perfect sense. that feeling of euphoria  and attraction does fade. the passion soon fades and you are left with someone you love, but........they no longer incite those passionate feelings which had originally brought you together.

Quoting Irish_mama_2011:

I've never understood that phrase, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." It makes no sense to me.


D.O.E.
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:42 PM

as for what to do about it......if your children are grown, fuck woman.

theres nothing stopping you.

my grandparents were married for 69years, until my grandmother died and they were still so sweet to each other and in love......i wish i knew what their secret was.

i do know she went 3 years without speaking a word to him at one point when they first married though.

they say marriage is work, well yeah. thats what i have noticed. 


Fayanne
by Silver Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:44 PM

 my ex had a knack for ruining holidays and special events, too.

Someone here recommended a book for someone else, called His Needs, Her Needs. I've read excerpts from the book, and it's got great ideas, but it takes two.

If he's not willing to work, move on. This year would have been my 30th wedding anniversary, but my divorce was finalized in Dec 2012. I have met a marvelous guy and am in such a healthier, happier relationship.

Only you can decide what's best.

hugs.

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