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Dont know what to do...please help...

Posted by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 2:11 AM
  • 12 Replies
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I have a child by him and I want to break up. My problem is I don't have the courage to do it because of our child I want a family I don't want my family to split up but darn it I'm not happy. Reason being I don't like the way he talks to me he's so mean and disrespectful if hes going through something its like im the main target, everything i do or say irritates him. I do what i can as a girlfriend cook, clean, laundry everything but all that gets looked over and he only focuses on the negative. I feel unloved, uncared about unappriciated everything above. I honestly don't know how I put up with him for this long. I sometimes go out of town to my dads place for a breather just me and my daughter. I find myself being so happy and feeling like a huge weight has been lifted. The minute I come back into town I feel depressed its like I feel trapped . I literally walk on egg shells with him I try not to say to much to him I try not to do certain things I try to leave when I'm suppose to so I won't make him mad I'm sick of it but why can't I find the courage to break it off? He's not like this all the time it's like a part of me wants to stay for his good side and the other half of me is like "no way it's time to go" please help I don't know what to do ...
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 2:11 AM
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by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 3:27 AM
Sorry to say but if he will continue if you stay. Its obvious you still care but yet your torn with how disrespectful he is. I know for your child sake you want to keep your family together. But think of it this way do you want her to see mommy get mistreated by daddy.
He has gained control and its time to rip those chains off. You said you feel like your walking on egg shells and you have to watch what you say and do. Thats by far a healthy relationship. Go on with your life. You will see in the long it will he worth you walking away.
by Bronze Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I grew up in a household like this. My father was also physically abusive. That's easier to identify and say no to. But emotional and verbal abuse are also real. We never knew when Dad would go off. Here are the main points.

A. You feel better when you are away. 

B. Your daughter doesn't need this as the model of what a loving relationship looks like. It took a lot of therapy and work for me to figure out how someone you loved was supposed to treat you and decide I was worth it.

C. You want your daughter to respect you. I look at how beat-down my mother is and it's mean, but I still resent that she didn't get out when we had a chance. She thought that giving me better financial opportunity was worth living in an abusive environment. I lost a lot of my childhood and would have been happier playing in the dirt.

D. What happens when she is old enough to have friends over? I never could because we didn't know how Dad would react. I couldn't depend on him to pick up a carpool or attend an event. It comes down to he was a selfish jerk. Yes, she will still have to see him every other weekend or so, but that is better than every day! You said he can be a decent person. Maybe he could do that for her if it's not a daily demand. 

Good luck. 

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:07 AM

I'm sure it's hard! Especially when a child's involved! Good luck, I hope you find the courage to leave ;)

by Emily on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:20 AM
Its not a good environment for your child. Think of it that way.
by Platinum Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 7:03 AM

 Suck it up and walk out. This isn't just about you anymore. It's also about the pattern you are setting up for your daughter. Do you want her to fall into this same type of relationship when she's an adult?

Do it for HER.

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 7:07 AM



by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 5:53 PM

Aww, I'm sorry, friend... That sounds really hard. Do you have anyone you could talk to about this who could give you some good advice??

by Amy :) on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:03 PM

I know it's hard but you need to take your daughter and leave.  You deserve love and respect and know matter what he is going through he should not be taking things out on you.  

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:13 PM

Do you fart in front of him? Change your pads? When my husband was irriraded I did that alot. I told all his friends that I used old bedding for my pads when I was in my teens and how a washed it. Challenge him a little bit and lagh at his reaction. It will be so funny to see his face when you tell his mother about blood clots coming out of you, and if he is an assole he can leave, but you get child support and the place, just saying make breaking up fun ;) and yes I did and still do all of that and my husband is still with me.

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:20 PM

Cohabitation does not make a family.

Your child will fare better by growing up in a happy, stable home filled with love, respect, and kindness.

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