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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I don't think DH would....Need advice

Posted by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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I don't think DH would ever cheat on me.  But for the last few months when he comes home from work he locks himself in the bathroom for 2 hours with his phone and smokes.  We used to have sex 1-2 times a week now I'm lucky if it's once a week.  Usually when he gets called into work early he leaves at 1230 am and lately he's been leaving at 1115-1130 pm.  I picked up his clothes this morning to get them washed and smelt something.  So I brought each item closer to figure out what the smell is.  His boxers and pants smell like a womens crotch after sex.  Mind you the last time we had sex was last week monday.  He's been really short with me the last couple of days as well and I thought it was just from stress which is normally what he does when he is stressed, i've learned to deal with it.  I'm shaking while sitting here thinking that DH is sleeping with someone else.  There isn't any weird numbers on the phone bill, i've matched all the numbers to friends of ours that are guys and to people at work he has to talk to while at work and they are all guys.  DH always says no women is worth losing me or his kids.  I hate thinking that he is.  Could I be over reacting?  Or do you think he could be sleeping with someone else?  I'm going to confront him when he gets home today and tell him what I fear.  If he is in fact cheating I will break.  Him and the kids are everything to me and I'm already in a state of depression.  Please help me and please be kind.

by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
moogsmom03
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:32 AM
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Confronting him over something that you aren't sure of is not a good idea. Unless you have some sort of concrete proof I would not do that. I woult however sit down and talk to him, ask him if things are ok, explain to him that you're feeling uneasy because things are different lately and calmly talk it out to see if something is bothering him. Feel him out first. Then if you're still suspicious, watch things closely before you jump to any conclusions. Check things out and if you find any sort of proof then confront him. Trust me, if he is cheating something concrete will show up sooner or later. This is coming from someone who thought her DH would never in a million years cheat, but he did. It's heartbreaking and horrible. I've been there. 

charley31
by Bronze Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:44 AM
I wouldn't confront him necessarily. I would talk to him about your concerns. Start with the locking himself in the bathroom with his phone that's weird. Communicate with him. If you don't think that's a good approach perhaps you need to wait, collect some evidence and then bring that to him explaining this is why you're concerned. All I know is, if he tries turning it back around on you and gets angry and defensive then he has something to hide. Good luck to you.
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:46 AM
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 I don't think you should confront him. He's going to totally go psycho and make you feel like shit if you do. I wouldn't confront until you have proof. I'd get ahold of that phone. I'd also just try to set some ground rules on acceptable behavior. He works so he should get some down time but not at the expense of his family. So set some rules that you can both be comfortable with.

kiwiskiwi29
by Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:54 AM

It sounds like maybe all this could be your imagination. If you can't find concrete evidence then perhaps you're just imagining things. I wouldn't confront him persay but you can sit down with him and ask him why he has been so distant. Maybe something  at work is bothering him. It sounds like he is just stressed. Just talk to him but don't accuse. In my opinion I don't think he is cheating.

rugratsmommy4
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:59 AM

Thanks.  If he's talking to me when he gets home I'll talk to him about other things and feel him out.  I'm in a bad state of mind right now. Bipolar, manic depression and PTSD don't mix well together.  I do feel distance between us but until this morning cheating never crossed my mind.

Quoting kiwiskiwi29:

It sounds like maybe all this could be your imagination. If you can't find concrete evidence then perhaps you're just imagining things. I wouldn't confront him persay but you can sit down with him and ask him why he has been so distant. Maybe something  at work is bothering him. It sounds like he is just stressed. Just talk to him but don't accuse. In my opinion I don't think he is cheating.


MommyO2-6631
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 11:27 AM
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I would ask him if he needs you to pick up some stool softener. When he asks why tell him you've noticed he's spent a lot of time in the bathroom and if he isn't having troubles in there what's going on.
rugratsmommy4
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 11:36 AM

I've asked him that before and he responded with "that isn't the problem.  my stomach is just messed up and it takes awhile."  I will say that if the kids or I really need the bathroom he will stop and let us in to use it, it's our only bathroom, but it does strike me as odd.  He's never done this since we've been back together.  I've questioned in my head if he isn't in there looking at porn because when we do have sex, he's been doing some weird and crazy things.  Some I like and some I don't.

Quoting MommyO2-6631:

I would ask him if he needs you to pick up some stool softener. When he asks why tell him you've noticed he's spent a lot of time in the bathroom and if he isn't having troubles in there what's going on.


MommyO2-6631
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 1:56 PM
Don't want to alarm you but when we stopped having sex during my pregnancy... that's what my husband turned to also. It's better than cheating but it didn't make me feel any better about it.


Quoting rugratsmommy4:

I've asked him that before and he responded with "that isn't the problem.  my stomach is just messed up and it takes awhile."  I will say that if the kids or I really need the bathroom he will stop and let us in to use it, it's our only bathroom, but it does strike me as odd.  He's never done this since we've been back together.  I've questioned in my head if he isn't in there looking at porn because when we do have sex, he's been doing some weird and crazy things.  Some I like and some I don't.

Quoting MommyO2-6631:

I would ask him if he needs you to pick up some stool softener. When he asks why tell him you've noticed he's spent a lot of time in the bathroom and if he isn't having troubles in there what's going on.



rugratsmommy4
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 1:59 PM
He knows how much I hate porn and I've asked him not to look at it. He says "u have you so I don't need it." Just questioning everything now.

Quoting MommyO2-6631:

Don't want to alarm you but when we stopped having sex during my pregnancy... that's what my husband turned to also. It's better than cheating but it didn't make me feel any better about it.




Quoting rugratsmommy4:

I've asked him that before and he responded with "that isn't the problem.  my stomach is just messed up and it takes awhile."  I will say that if the kids or I really need the bathroom he will stop and let us in to use it, it's our only bathroom, but it does strike me as odd.  He's never done this since we've been back together.  I've questioned in my head if he isn't in there looking at porn because when we do have sex, he's been doing some weird and crazy things.  Some I like and some I don't.

Quoting MommyO2-6631:

I would ask him if he needs you to pick up some stool softener. When he asks why tell him you've noticed he's spent a lot of time in the bathroom and if he isn't having troubles in there what's going on.



TommyAbby
by Melissa on Sep. 10, 2013 at 2:39 PM

if he smells of sex but claims to not be cheating...my only other thought was a stripper. could he be going to a strip club before work?? 

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