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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How to financially leave your husband?

Posted by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:44 PM
  • 13 Replies

Hey All,

I have serious questions that need serious answers.  I have been married to my husband going on 7 years. During this time he has only physically abused me once, but has verbally abused me nearly the whole time.  He tells me that he will kill me all the time.  I know he uses drugs (pot) too.  He wasn't while we were dating but once we got married he started it back up (off and on).  I tell him I don't like him doing it.  He never does it in front of the kids or in the house.  He is always doing it going to work or coming home from work.  I don't understand why he can't give it up.  I have never done it nor will I ever.  He knew where I stood with drugs before we got married.    We have 2 kids together but I have 1 from a previous marriage.  They are still small, all under the age 7 yrs. I have been wanting to leave him for a while now, but I don't because I don't have a job.  I have no one to watch my kids for me while I search for a job or go to interviews or even the first week or so of work (until I get paid).  How can I financially leave him?  I know there is food stamps, and medicaid, but that takes a while to get doesn't it.  Ive never used these means so Im unsure on how long it actually takes.  Is there anything else I should look in to?  I can take his verbal abuse but I can't have him doing it in front of the kids.  They will grow up thinking this is how men should act.  I want more for them.  Please help me!!! 

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LadyBast
by Brenda on Sep. 11, 2013 at 6:57 PM

Well who cares to be honest about smoking pot, I sure do not and that would not be an issue w/me he does not smoke in the house around the kids or you so why the big deal?

Next if he has been doing this abusing for this long why have you stayed?

I would find a shelter pack my shit and leave if he would not change the abusive part the drugs nope but pot I would not care!

Fayanne
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 7:17 PM

 get a phone book, call a lawyer, and see if they will meet with you for some free advice. Many will give an hour for free.

 the emotional abuse would have had me out the door a long time ago, and the pot would be a deal breaker too

gmoen1977
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:03 PM

look for your local women's shelter they can help give advice and i would also contact social services to see what help is out there for you.

m-n-m-mom
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:48 PM
Ive stayed bc i felt like i had no option. I dont have any body to really count on. I never even knew about womens shelters until you guys just mentioned them. Are they similiar to homeless shelters? My husband scares me to be honest. He watches these shows about how criminals almost got away with murder and he looks over at me and says that he could get away with it bc he is learning what not to do from all the shows he has watched. I try to play it cool with him so he doesnt know that i am scared of him. He makes me feel so small and that no one cares how i feel. He tells me that im worthless and makes me feel like i cant do anything. After hearing it for so long you believe it. But today he bad mouth me in front of the kids. He threw the chair across the room, scaring the kids. He threw the trash can and trash went flying everywhere. One of the girls beds, he threw into the wall creating holes. I just see him getting worse and more violent . I know i need to leave. Just dont know how bc of no money. How am i going to provide for my kids? Shelter, food?
The drugs may not be a big deal to some of you but it is to me. I dont want my kids to grow up thinking its ok to break the law for a quick high. Plus my husband is a complete a** when he is using it. He doesnt care what he says to anybody or how he says it.
PartyGalAnne
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 11:15 PM

RUN!

There are shelters and social services that will help you.

Document the verbal abuse and drug use.

shadow_lark
by Silver Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 12:24 AM
In some ways they are similar... But they differ a lot. A lot of them are hidden so that the abusers can't find their victims. It depends on the shelter, but many offer resources to find jobs and apply for aid as well as counseling for you and the kids. One way to get in touch would be to make a doctor appointment. If your Dh asks, just tell him you're going for a pap or something. Tell your doctor what is going on and they should be able to point you in the right direction.
You need to be documenting this stuff though. If you have no police reports to back you up, it will be difficult to prov what has been said and done.


Quoting m-n-m-mom:

Ive stayed bc i felt like i had no option. I dont have any body to really count on. I never even knew about womens shelters until you guys just mentioned them. Are they similiar to homeless shelters? My husband scares me to be honest. He watches these shows about how criminals almost got away with murder and he looks over at me and says that he could get away with it bc he is learning what not to do from all the shows he has watched. I try to play it cool with him so he doesnt know that i am scared of him. He makes me feel so small and that no one cares how i feel. He tells me that im worthless and makes me feel like i cant do anything. After hearing it for so long you believe it. But today he bad mouth me in front of the kids. He threw the chair across the room, scaring the kids. He threw the trash can and trash went flying everywhere. One of the girls beds, he threw into the wall creating holes. I just see him getting worse and more violent . I know i need to leave. Just dont know how bc of no money. How am i going to provide for my kids? Shelter, food?

The drugs may not be a big deal to some of you but it is to me. I dont want my kids to grow up thinking its ok to break the law for a quick high. Plus my husband is a complete a** when he is using it. He doesnt care what he says to anybody or how he says it.
kiwiskiwi29
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 12:15 PM

Do this. Ask a lawyer for advice.


Quoting Fayanne:

 get a phone book, call a lawyer, and see if they will meet with you for some free advice. Many will give an hour for free.

 the emotional abuse would have had me out the door a long time ago, and the pot would be a deal breaker too



Mrs.Thomason
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 2:03 PM
1 mom liked this

My mom took us to a womans shelter once and the biggest rule is that you have absolutly no contact with him.  They are great places they provide counsiling right there at the shelter so you don't have to go looking for it.  They help you find a job.  they have all kinds of resources to help you get on your feet.  I think it would be great idea for you and your kids.  Don't put it off.  I've heard of woman who said I'll go just not yet and then something bad happens.  I would also try to find a way to get a nanny cam or a recorder of some kind to have proof of the things he says.  There are people out there who care.  We do or we wouldn't be giving you this advice.  NO woman should have to go through what you are going through.  You are better than that.

robin7771
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 7:47 AM

Get a job first step .

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:58 AM

Apply for assistance, put your kids in daycare/pre-school. At 7, the one should already be in full time school anyway.

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