For 33 years I've been married. I've been unhappy after the first 15. I've tried on several occasions to leave but the old, "look what your mom's is doing to our family", or "you kids will just have to learn how to live with a lower lifestyle", or "see how unhappy mom is making everyone else because she thinks only of herself"...the usual pitting kids emotions against mom routine. I gave in because my sons were my world & stupid me, I assumed, I would always be protected by them. Skipping thru details of many years of heartache & years of living thru his lies, porn addiction, his controlling mother, back-handed manipulation using our sons, several high-risk financial decisions gone horribly bad, & the final blow...moving us back to the state I have hated my whole life & I swore I'd never retire in. Now our sons are grown & male bonding is the way they spend their days. I have been "relieved of duty" so to speak. More gently put, I've been fired. I don't get invited to the pro-games, the weekend with the guys on the beach (drinking & quads mom, not enough room in the toy-hauler & the guys will be making guy 'noises'), beer-pong night, game-days bbq's with the guys, ......the list is endless.
So my dilemma.....I've been told to get counseling, get a hobby, join a club, get a pen pal, make new friends. I don't need counselor to tell me I feel abandon, empty, insignificant, dejected, & lonesome. My hobbies included baseball score keeping, room mother team mom, etc. I hate writing letters & I thought I'd made life-long friends in my sons.
I'm now ready to walk away from them all. I'm ready to start a new, alone. I'd rather be alone and happy than alone & walk steps behind 5 men that treat me like an after thought. It's going to be hard but having control over my own money, travel, living, & future for what life I have left sounds good.