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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

if you dh had a mental breakdown

Posted by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 9:59 AM
  • 60 Replies
And was diagnosed with a mental illness/mood disorder, even had to be hospitalized for a short time, would you divorce him? I'm honestly appalled at how many ppl are suggesting, no insisting and demanding I do so. I am separated until I can see he is stable enough to live with but I won't divorce him.
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 9:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddiddlyumshis
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:00 AM
I absolutely would not!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:05 AM
3 moms liked this

DH had a mental breakdown last year.  He cheated on me and I left, tried to kill himself and was hospitalized.  I was ready to divorce him because of the cheating and the mental breakdown certainly didn't make me want to come back either.  However, I love him and when he got out of the hospital we did some counselling and he's been trying to prove ever since then that he's going to put our family first and get back what we had.  I'm back now and I'm happy to be here.  It was a really really hard year though.

xoxRachelxox
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:05 AM
3 moms liked this

If he was actively getting help, no I wouldn't. If he was in denial and not doing anything to fix the issues then yes I would.

Mommabearbergh
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:05 AM
No I wouldn't.
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this

 Whelp. I'm married to someone with a mental disorder. Going on 10 years now.

arwalters
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this
A lot of people don't realize the power of unconditional love. Our doesn't mean I'll let him get away with not getting help, I had to leave him before he would admit to needing it and by mutual agreement for the sake of our son we will remain separated a couple yrs until I'm sure he'll stay on meds, accept his illness and commit to working at it. In the meantime we talk everyday and I tell him I love and support him. He is honest with our son, told him he is sick and has to stay in the hospital a while. He's only 4 so we don't go into much detail. We pray, we encourage each other we are loving, b/c he chose to get help. I am losing friends left and right it seems b/c I don't want to divorce him. A separation is enough to protect our son and he's still his father, ppl want me to take his son away too, that would be detrimental to both of them. I really am saddened by my "friends" responses. I've been yelled at by them, treated like a child, told I make poor decisions. the 2 of them live out of state and are the only ones who feel this way. Everyone close to me at home agrees with my decisions, my own mother is so encouraging, knows what a good man he is and knows better than anyone as my brother is paranoid schizophrenic. These same friends claim it's ok to be supportive of my brother and his illness but not my dh. They claim it's different. Wow. As close as i've always been to them, I'm ready to move on to more positive friends. Idk why I always let the things they say to me go. When I was pregnant at the age of 26 one of them said I was selfish for not having an abortion b/c I wasn't married. I miscarried that one. I forgave her but now I feel she will never stop crossing lines and is, both of them are, abusing our friendship :(
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting arwalters:

A lot of people don't realize the power of unconditional love. Our doesn't mean I'll let him get away with not getting help, I had to leave him before he would admit to needing it and by mutual agreement for the sake of our son we will remain separated a couple yrs until I'm sure he'll stay on meds, accept his illness and commit to working at it. In the meantime we talk everyday and I tell him I love and support him. He is honest with our son, told him he is sick and has to stay in the hospital a while. He's only 4 so we don't go into much detail. We pray, we encourage each other we are loving, b/c he chose to get help. I am losing friends left and right it seems b/c I don't want to divorce him. A separation is enough to protect our son and he's still his father, ppl want me to take his son away too, that would be detrimental to both of them. I really am saddened by my "friends" responses. I've been yelled at by them, treated like a child, told I make poor decisions. the 2 of them live out of state and are the only ones who feel this way. Everyone close to me at home agrees with my decisions, my own mother is so encouraging, knows what a good man he is and knows better than anyone as my brother is paranoid schizophrenic. These same friends claim it's ok to be supportive of my brother and his illness but not my dh. They claim it's different. Wow. As close as i've always been to them, I'm ready to move on to more positive friends. Idk why I always let the things they say to me go. When I was pregnant at the age of 26 one of them said I was selfish for not having an abortion b/c I wasn't married. I miscarried that one. I forgave her but now I feel she will never stop crossing lines and is, both of them are, abusing our friendship :(

I'm sorry.  I wouldn't keep friends like that.   My whole family is upset that I came back to my husband but they know that if they want to keep me in their lives they have to stay out of my business.  They gave me their opinions and reasons why I shouldn't come back and I appreciate their honesty but after that they left it alone.  If I kept hearing comments about how it was wrong to come back I'd just cut them out of my life.  I can't live to make other people happy.....I have to find what makes me happy and being with DH makes me happy.

 

Lorena
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:38 AM
1 mom liked this
No I would not. I would be next to him and helping him. I know it would be an up hill battle the whole way. But I made a vow to my husband for better or worse I would love him and be his partner until the end of time.
CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:38 AM


I think that for many, unless they've been in the situation they won't understand at all.  It's not as black and white as many think it is.

Those "friends" were not real friends to begin with and there is no need to keep such negativity in your life - especially at a time where you and your family are trying to heal.

Quoting arwalters:

A lot of people don't realize the power of unconditional love. Our doesn't mean I'll let him get away with not getting help, I had to leave him before he would admit to needing it and by mutual agreement for the sake of our son we will remain separated a couple yrs until I'm sure he'll stay on meds, accept his illness and commit to working at it. In the meantime we talk everyday and I tell him I love and support him. He is honest with our son, told him he is sick and has to stay in the hospital a while. He's only 4 so we don't go into much detail. We pray, we encourage each other we are loving, b/c he chose to get help. I am losing friends left and right it seems b/c I don't want to divorce him. A separation is enough to protect our son and he's still his father, ppl want me to take his son away too, that would be detrimental to both of them. I really am saddened by my "friends" responses. I've been yelled at by them, treated like a child, told I make poor decisions. the 2 of them live out of state and are the only ones who feel this way. Everyone close to me at home agrees with my decisions, my own mother is so encouraging, knows what a good man he is and knows better than anyone as my brother is paranoid schizophrenic. These same friends claim it's ok to be supportive of my brother and his illness but not my dh. They claim it's different. Wow. As close as i've always been to them, I'm ready to move on to more positive friends. Idk why I always let the things they say to me go. When I was pregnant at the age of 26 one of them said I was selfish for not having an abortion b/c I wasn't married. I miscarried that one. I forgave her but now I feel she will never stop crossing lines and is, both of them are, abusing our friendship :(



arwalters
by Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 3:24 PM
You're right and thank you


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


I think that for many, unless they've been in the situation they won't understand at all.  It's not as black and white as many think it is.

Those "friends" were not real friends to begin with and there is no need to keep such negativity in your life - especially at a time where you and your family are trying to heal.


Quoting arwalters:

A lot of people don't realize the power of unconditional love. Our doesn't mean I'll let him get away with not getting help, I had to leave him before he would admit to needing it and by mutual agreement for the sake of our son we will remain separated a couple yrs until I'm sure he'll stay on meds, accept his illness and commit to working at it. In the meantime we talk everyday and I tell him I love and support him. He is honest with our son, told him he is sick and has to stay in the hospital a while. He's only 4 so we don't go into much detail. We pray, we encourage each other we are loving, b/c he chose to get help. I am losing friends left and right it seems b/c I don't want to divorce him. A separation is enough to protect our son and he's still his father, ppl want me to take his son away too, that would be detrimental to both of them. I really am saddened by my "friends" responses. I've been yelled at by them, treated like a child, told I make poor decisions. the 2 of them live out of state and are the only ones who feel this way. Everyone close to me at home agrees with my decisions, my own mother is so encouraging, knows what a good man he is and knows better than anyone as my brother is paranoid schizophrenic. These same friends claim it's ok to be supportive of my brother and his illness but not my dh. They claim it's different. Wow. As close as i've always been to them, I'm ready to move on to more positive friends. Idk why I always let the things they say to me go. When I was pregnant at the age of 26 one of them said I was selfish for not having an abortion b/c I wasn't married. I miscarried that one. I forgave her but now I feel she will never stop crossing lines and is, both of them are, abusing our friendship :(





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