i want to break down and cry. Or maybe just run his truck into a tree..
Actually the truck is mine so i wouldnt do that. but i am really really really pissed right now.
short back story, I have an 8 year old in 3rd grade, and i have a almost 2 (in november) year old. i was a SAHM from the time my youngest was born until a week before school started this year so maybe 5-6 weeks ago. I work at night, most days from 3 or 4 until 11:30-midnight. i have Sunday and Thursday off. My husband works during the day from like 5am until 4pm usually. He has the weekends off and holidays (i dont). He also goes to school... Well i should say, he goes to one class for an hour three times a week. putting him home around 5pm those days
Since I started working nights I figured since I obviously am not home, my husband would help with things like making sure my oldest sons homework gets done, helping him study his spelling words, making sure he does his chores, making sure he is getting to scouts and getting checked off in his book and mainly taking care of the kids like feeding them a good dinner, and making sure they take showers/brush teeth/etc because you know.... that IS the parents job. not MOTHERS job. PARENTS job. i also stupidly assumed thathe would make sure to clean up after them since i kept the house cleaned all day long and it sucks coming home to a trash pit every night.
Oh also i'd like to add here that i take care of all the bills, all the grocery/whatever shopping, all the appointments with doctors, all the teacher/whatever meetings, and general errand running. I'd also like you to take note of where above I said that I only have Thursday and Sunday off. and go to work at 3 or 4 the other days. My youngest has his nap from 12:30 to 2-2:30pm which basically gives me between 9:20am (which is right after i drop off my oldest to school) until around noon to run errands/clean/cook/do anything when it's not my day off.
okay so why am i mad?
the first two weeks after i started working, i found out that my husband was feeding the kids nothing but sandwiches and a couple pizza's or McDonalds here and there. okay, so i started making freezer meals which basically takes up and entire day to make for the week, oh but then i also have to prep them the day they'll be eaten or my husband wont bother, so with simple salad/side dish making that takes an hour or so out of my day. but whatever at least my kids are actually eating well and feeling full everyday.
my husband literally does not do laundry at all. no i take that back. he washes his own underwear and work clothes. thats it. the kids clothes, nope. not even if i wash and dry them will he put them away. he wont even make sure my oldest puts his OWN clothes away. so i have so many clothes in my laundry room from over the last few weeks, that i almost cant even walk in there. i try to do at least three or four loads a day if i have the time, but i dont always with everything else, and it just seems to build faster than i can get it cleaned.
the house is trashed every single day. i'm not talking about just toys everywhere and stuff out of place, i'm talking about right now, as i speak there is some unknown liquid substance splashed all over the wall, and crumbs of i dont even know what ALL OVER the living room. and guess what. nobody is even allowed to drink or eat in the living room at all in the first place. i feel like its a statement that says "welcome home. clean this shit up."
my son if failing all of his spelling tests. and not getting his daily reading done. then when i try to give him consequences (because although it's really my husband not taking the time to help him, he should also be taking inititave to get it done but all he wants to do is play video games) my husband just doesnt care and lets him do whatever. he gets the homework packet on monday, the spelling test is friday and i dont see him all week. so usually thursday i am trying to cram 20 words into his brain which is pretty uneffective, and then he still doesnt do well. Also, i looked in his scout book yesterday. he hasnt been signed off on anything. like, not even bobcat. oh and his book report hasnt even been started yet..
my son also told me that he hasnt taken a shower in a week since i made him take one on Sunday and i asked if he saw his brother getting a bath and he said no. apparently they've also been eating out regularly again. idk what the heck they are doing with the freezer meals i prep.. oh and i found out on Sunday that my son's lunch account has been empty for three days and despite me asking my husband to give him some more, he hasnt.. so, yeah.. theres something else i need to take care of. really? how hard is it to drive a block away to the ATM?
oh i forgot to mention that his mother is over hanging out with the kids almost everyday, which means, he's not even watching them. she is..
but the thing i'm pissed off the most at right now, is the fact that i came home tonight and there is a GIGANTIC spidering crack in my $1500 television that i bought with my money that i saved for a freaking long time because it was extra and i had to save little by little, and i havent even had it for a year yet. and ya know what? it's not even about the crack. it's the fact that he cant even tell me HOW it got cracked. he has no idea. i mean, clearly it was my youngest. we catch him trying to throw crap at it all the time.. but the fact that he doesnt even know how it happened just says that he isnt even watching the kids. so what the hell is going on all night?!?!?
i asked him about all of this several different times and he always has the same set of answers. "i was just too busy." "it's really hard to get that done with Porter around." "i just had so many other things to do, i didnt get around to it."
to which i always answer with the same questions, "busy with what?" - because wtf was he busy with? nothing is done. not even his OWN homework, the place is trashed... so seriously, what were you so busy with? youtube? "wait, but i used to/still do that stuff all the time when Porter is around plus this, this, and this. he's not really that hard to manage. Especially with Andre there to help you with him. and he's not even there when i have him.." - because really... its not that hard. no joke, if you give that kid a truck, motorcycle, train, and a flat surface, he is occupied for hours and hours. and "like what" - because really, nothing is done so what were you doing?
i ask my son what they did on *insert random day* and he'll say things like, we went to Steph and Drews (BIL and SIL's) or we went out to get ice cream, or nothing we just watch tv and dad was on his computer...
its frustrating. not just because i'm the one doing all the work. not just because his excuses are crap. not just because he seems to think he gets to have a social life and i barely even get to see my immediate family because i'm constantly playing the role of Cinderella, but mainly, it's because his responsibilities as a parent are obviously non-existant. his priorities are totally out of whack. but mainly, because when i try to talk to him about it, he says all the things i want to hear and goes back to doing what he wants. and then when i point that out to him as well, he starts to one-up me, like i should be the one doing more etc etc. leaving me feeling like my opinions and feelings dont matter. like i HAVE to carry all the stress of everthing around and he isnt going to help me even carry a tiny little piece of it. and there is nothing i can do about it. and i am totally helpless and i have to sit there and watch it happen and there is NOTHING i can do.
i know this is long, and i rambled a lot.
i just feel so overwhelmed and i dont know what to do.
my husband is a great guy seriously. loving and all that. i just seriously dont understand why this is happening. i know he cares about me. like for real, despite all the things i said here, he really is great. in the 5 years we've known each other he's always been the greatest guy. it's just in these last 5-6 weeks that i'm like who the heck are you? and even then it's like he's not doing it on purpose and he doesnt mean to, but he is anyway for some reason.. idk.
i'm tired of being nice about it, and being mean isnt going to do anything.. so what now?