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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

ex gf still on his account!?!edit

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As i was going through the mail, i picked up my DH bank statement, to read it was addressed to him and another women.

So i questioned him about it, he said it was his ex  from college, that he just never took off his account and he hasnt talked to her in 5 years.

So at first i just teased about her last name, (baldasso) lol sorry but i thought it was funny.

But as the conversation went on I got madder and madder.  why had he never mentioned this to me? All our money goes into this account!! If her names on the account, she could get it anytime!!

He got mad and said if she hasnt done it after all this time she isnt going to now. Which just made me madder. If he hasnt talked to her in this long he dosent know her anymore, for all he knows shes a crack head begging for money and one day she'll wake up and remeber. Which yes sounds like a streach, but from what i had heard about her from his friends, i wouldnt doubt it. Still I know its unlikely, but ughhh im just so mad!!! In the two years we've been married, it never occured to him to AT LEAST tell me!!!

Hes acting like im completly blowing this out of control, but how would u feel? IM  not even on his account, and im the mother of his children, but he put this stripper with a pill problem on it, and never took her off!!!!!!!

 

Thank you to the ones who showed support, but to the rest, i forgot what drama queens you can be, so let me correct myself and you before you keep on.

No, my name is not on his account, nor is his name on mine. Its both of our faults, its not that we dont want to, we just keep making excuses not to, mostly just because its more of a hassle to drag the kids into a bank screaming while we try and set things up. I worded it wrong when i said all our money goes into that account. All of HIS work check goes into that account, We have a seperate account that we put our savings into, that is in MY name. Thats just how we did it once we got married.

Yes i am a stay at home mom, and besides child support make no money of my own right now, but i am in charge of the finances. i control what goes where and when. I have the debit card unless he needs it. He is the one who wanted it that way. I check the balance and statements all online, which i have even double checked, nowhere says her name, so no i never would of known, except to find this statement.

If she was to steal the money, or something was to happen to him, my kids and I would be just fine. Its just the fact that i'd prefer the money my husband works for not go to some sleezy tramp from college. I just meant this to be a rant to get off my chest, not attack me because you think im unstable. Other than this my marriage and life is pretty awsome.

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:50 PM
Replies (31-40):
jadedcynic
by New Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:11 PM

Not taking an active role in your family's finances is still pretty dumb.

Quoting my4loves4:


no, ive been a stay at home mom for awhile, only money i get myself is CS for my son, which goes in a diffrent account. But i see his money as our money, its what we all use to live.

Quoting jadedcynic:

Ummm... you've been putting your money into an account that doesn't have your name on it? Not smart.




Mrs.Engel11
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:12 PM
Why are you not on the account?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommyof11050307
by Bronze Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:12 PM

Why aren't you on his account?

almburr
by Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:13 PM
Wow. Why are you not on the acct? Tell dh to take her name off ASAP! If something happens to him, wouldn't she be the sole on the acct.?
camocountrymom
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Whether he has children with her or not is irrelevant. No woman other than his wife should be on his account. Not his mother even. I would be livid.
my4loves4
by Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:26 PM

 

First off, we did talk finaces, he just didnt mention someone else was on his account, and i never thought to check, because i would of just assumed if their was, it was his ex that he has a childwith that he was with before me, and that would of been diffrent. And no my name isnt on his account, we keep saying we are going to go set up a new account together, we just never get around to it. Nor is he on mine.

 If he were to die "in a fiery car cash" his military life insurance would more than take care of us plus the savings we have that we put into MY account would take care of us until that came in.

I've been married and divorced before, this isnt my first time. i guess i phrased it wrong when i said all our money goes into that account. All his money, which is what we live off of goes into that account. I have a savings that i set up years ago, so does my son, and as soon as i do get back to work i'll set one up for my daughter. We have fall back money, for any situation. But i'd prefer not to touch it because some bitch stole our money.

So... yea, you two just kind of sound stupid. I was ranting about something that happened to me today, something i just needed to get off my chest, and you two took it way deeper than it was meant.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't understand how some women are born with no sense of self preservation.

Quoting TommyAbby:

 

Thank you. I had no nice way of saying that. 


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

My head is about to explode here. You're married to this man, but before you married you didn't discuss finances? You agreed to be a stay at home mom, I'm assuming, so he is your sole source of money and he doesn't even have your name on his account? Do you even realize how stupid that is? If he were to die in a firey car crags tonight, you'd be destitute. You'd have no access to his account, but apparently a "pill popping stripper" would. He cared enough to put a "college fling" on his bank account, but not his wife and mother of his children.



How do you dumbasses get yourselves in these scenarios??? Seriously, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, that is STUPID! Ladies, make better decisions and for the love of all that is good in the world protect yourselves financially!!!!!! Gah!




Quoting my4loves4:

 



im not on his account, and ussually he checks the mail



Quoting RJC78:



How did you not notice beofre?



 



 

 


 


 

my4loves4
by Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:32 PM

 

I'll admit it is both our faults i am not on his account. We've been sayin forever now that we were going to set up a new account together at a diffrent bank, and we just always find excuses not too. "too tierd" "kids wont behave" "to much else to do" all that blah blah blah, most of that is acually me. I just never expected this or i would of!! and im not sure if she would be or not, thats deff something im going to bring up to him. even if she was its not that big of a deal, we arent rich, just his paychecks go in there, savings are in my name, plus his life insurane, we'd be okay. I'd just prefer that NOT to happen though, she dosent deserve any of it.

Quoting almburr:

Wow. Why are you not on the acct? Tell dh to take her name off ASAP! If something happens to him, wouldn't she be the sole on the acct.?


 

my4loves4
by Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:35 PM

 

Only part of finances i dont do, is make the money. I have his debit card, i pay the bills and shop with it. I check the balance online, so all the statement is there, online it dosent say her name anywhere, i even went back to double check afte i found this out. I wouldnt of know unless i went into the bank and asked myself.

Quoting jadedcynic:

Not taking an active role in your family's finances is still pretty dumb.

Quoting my4loves4:

 

no, ive been a stay at home mom for awhile, only money i get myself is CS for my son, which goes in a diffrent account. But i see his money as our money, its what we all use to live.

Quoting jadedcynic:

Ummm... you've been putting your money into an account that doesn't have your name on it? Not smart.

 

 



 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:36 PM

How can you be sure you are on his SGLI? Have you seen that paperwork? Also, the military life insurance only covers him if he dies in the line of duty, read the fine print. I did, when I made sure that I was the beneficiary on my husband's SGLI. Thats Servicemembers Group Life Insurance in case you didn't know. 

Quoting my4loves4:


First off, we did talk finaces, he just didnt mention someone else was on his account, and i never thought to check, because i would of just assumed if their was, it was his ex that he has a childwith that he was with before me, and that would of been diffrent. And no my name isnt on his account, we keep saying we are going to go set up a new account together, we just never get around to it. Nor is he on mine.

 If he were to die "in a fiery car cash" his military life insurance would more than take care of us plus the savings we have that we put into MY account would take care of us until that came in.

I've been married and divorced before, this isnt my first time. i guess i phrased it wrong when i said all our money goes into that account. All his money, which is what we live off of goes into that account. I have a savings that i set up years ago, so does my son, and as soon as i do get back to work i'll set one up for my daughter. We have fall back money, for any situation. But i'd prefer not to touch it because some bitch stole our money.

So... yea, you two just kind of sound stupid. I was ranting about something that happened to me today, something i just needed to get off my chest, and you two took it way deeper than it was meant.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't understand how some women are born with no sense of self preservation.

Quoting TommyAbby:


Thank you. I had no nice way of saying that. 


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

My head is about to explode here. You're married to this man, but before you married you didn't discuss finances? You agreed to be a stay at home mom, I'm assuming, so he is your sole source of money and he doesn't even have your name on his account? Do you even realize how stupid that is? If he were to die in a firey car crags tonight, you'd be destitute. You'd have no access to his account, but apparently a "pill popping stripper" would. He cared enough to put a "college fling" on his bank account, but not his wife and mother of his children.



How do you dumbasses get yourselves in these scenarios??? Seriously, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, that is STUPID! Ladies, make better decisions and for the love of all that is good in the world protect yourselves financially!!!!!! Gah!




Quoting my4loves4:




im not on his account, and ussually he checks the mail



Quoting RJC78:



How did you not notice beofre?













ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Sep. 24, 2013 at 9:37 PM

Or, apparently, looked at a bank statement, which would a normal thing to do. Which, even if you physically went in to ask, they wouldn't tell you anything because you aren't on the account. If you have all of his info and were using it, but not cited anywhere, they'd probably assume you stole the debit card. 

Quoting my4loves4:


Only part of finances i dont do, is make the money. I have his debit card, i pay the bills and shop with it. I check the balance online, so all the statement is there, online it dosent say her name anywhere, i even went back to double check afte i found this out. I wouldnt of know unless i went into the bank and asked myself.

Quoting jadedcynic:

Not taking an active role in your family's finances is still pretty dumb.

Quoting my4loves4:


no, ive been a stay at home mom for awhile, only money i get myself is CS for my son, which goes in a diffrent account. But i see his money as our money, its what we all use to live.

Quoting jadedcynic:

Ummm... you've been putting your money into an account that doesn't have your name on it? Not smart.







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