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Would you forgive (or expect forgiveness) if there was cheating going on in your marriage?

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:10 AM
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Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks Cheating Shouldn't Ruin a Marriage

by Michele Zipp

gwyneth paltrow familyWe have to hand it to Gwyneth Paltrow even though it pains some of us to do so. The woman is making her marriage to Chris Martin work and she's making it look easy. We should remember that this is a couple who chose the names Apple and Moses for their kids -- if they can agree on that, they can agree on anything.

Apparently Gwyneth would also forgive her husband of 10 years if he cheated on her. And she expects he would do the same. Cheating shouldn't ruin a marriage, she thinks. And I agree with her.

Cheating, oftentimes, is a symptom of a problem. There has to be something huge going wrong for a person to cheat. So it's not necessarily the act of cheating that ends a marriage, it could be the culmination of all the other issues with the cheating being the cherry on top. Bad description, I know. Nothing sweet about it. It's all horrible -- cheating, marriages ending, love lost. Which is why when couples can make it work -- truly make it work and be truly happy -- that's an art. An art Gwyneth and Chris have seemed to master so far.

On cheating, Gwyneth said, "No couple is the same, and as such, every couple takes on different challenges. I would like to think that I would be forgiving and/or forgiven, but I can’t give an honest answer as I haven’t really experienced that." She also said that if Chris cheated on her, she'd want to know right away and not years later. I have to agree with her again there. What is this world coming to? I'm agreeing with Gwyneth!

Cheating happens sometimes because people screw up all the time. You can say that shows there isn't enough commitment in the relationship, but breaking up after cheating also shows that the couple can't stick it out through thick and thin or as we vow "in good times and in bad."

As with anything ... it always depends.

What do you think? Would you forgive (or expect forgiveness) if there was cheating going on in your marriage?

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:10 AM
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by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:18 AM
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I have forgiven but don't think I would "expect forgiveness" from my spouse.  I don't agree that "there HAS to be something huge going wrong for a person to cheat." In my case it was a bunch of little things that added up to it being okay to look for a new relationship, one that included sex.  Thankfully I woke up and fought for my marriage before it was too late. Fifteen years later (we will be celbrating our 25th anniversary in March) and a lot of hard work on both of our parts... Our marriage is strong and we are best friends.  I take my part of the blame in my case. It's tough to look at your marriage and ask "what have I done to make it okay for my husband to cheat?".  

Now not all cases of infidelity are a result of a problem in the marriage. Some men are just shits.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:21 AM
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I forgave the first one but he continued to cheat.  Never again will I forgive cheating

by Ruby Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:43 AM

I forgave DH and he had forgiven me but no, I never expected to be forgiven and neither did he.  It has always been a deal breaker for me and I left him for almost a year before he proved to me that this marriage was worth saving.  I still have some days where I'm hurt and upset but for the most part we are happy and moving forward now.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:46 AM

I will say this......if you want forgiveness expect to forgive......I cannot forgive but I can deal.  If it happens again I wont deal and will let you sleep it over all alone and by yourself. 

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:51 AM
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I wouldn't forgive. And I wouldn't expect forgiveness.

There's no excuse for any of it. It's disgusting.
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by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:54 AM

I wouldn't forgive or even go to the point of were I wanted to cheat. I would break up with the guy before it got that bad. Some people act like it's a big accident but I find it extremly easy not to cheat.

by Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:59 AM

I forgave over and over for a decade with my last marriage. I'd like to say I wouldn't forgive again but honestly I think I would forgive my SO now. I also know that he wouldn't cheat and would not expect me to forgive him.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:06 AM
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DH and I have always said that would be a deal breaker and neither of us would stay. However, we do have 8 kids together and if it actually happened i'm not sure what either of us would really do. It' easy to say you'd be done but sometimes there are other factors to consider. I know for sure if I forgave him once I DEFINITELY would not forgive a second time.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:18 AM
Thats a point of no return for me.
by Casey on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:28 AM
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As I just stated in another post, I have 3 cheating dealbreakers. I could forgive a one time, random alcohol fused indiscretion that he fessed up to immediately. It would take a lot of time, a lot of groveling, and a lot of effort, but people are human and make mistakes. One time is a horrible mistake. All bets are off however if............................

1.) He goes back for seconds. Or thirds, or fourths and so on. One time is a mistake. Two or more times is a concious choice to be deceptive and I could never trust him again. 

2.) The person he cheated with is a family friend, family member, or a co-worker. I'm not having any of that. I will never be able to get over it if he, or we, have to see or interact with this woman again in our lives. If he has to work with her, I'd never be able to gain the trust back because even if he never touched her again, every time he saw her I'd know that he'd be thinking about the time he got all up in her business. Nope, not happening.

3.) His indiscretion results in a little bundle of "OOPS!". Nope, not happening. I'm not that big of a person, and I'm perfectly capable of hating a baby just for existing. I'm not living with a life-long reminder that he cheated on me, and I'm sure as shit not taking care of that little nightmare. The other woman can have him, good luck with that. 

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