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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Don't wanna marry me!

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 2:52 AM
  • 14 Replies
Me and my boyfriend have been together for some time now. We have a beautiful daughter together. Well In his family, he has his mom, and 2 sisters, no one is married. Well my parents have been married for 28 years now, so I want to experience marriage. I ask him about marriage, and he says "my family doesn't get married". What's that supposed to mean? I feel like he just doesn't want to marry me. Any advice?
by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 2:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Fayanne
by Gold Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 5:07 AM
5 moms liked this

 ehm... you've been together for some time and have a child together and now you're finding this out? I'd reccommend that conversation earlier and before having kids, but that's too late now. If you're not on the same page about marriage, I don't know how you compromise. You can't be half-married unless you go for commom law or a commitment ceremony only. You'll have to ask him what that means. Perhaps there's a story there. You didn't mention he had a dad, why?

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Oct. 3, 2013 at 5:27 AM

 If no one in his family is married he very well may not believe in marriage. It would have been best to discuss such beliefs before you had a child together or invested so much time with him.. but since you can't undo the past, you are here at this point with a big decision. Assuming he very well may NEVER want to marry you or possibly anyone for that matter, you have to decide if you love him enough to sacrifice the wedding and legal marriage if you  feel he is still committed for the longterm without that then stay and drop the subject and just accept him for who and how he is because you should never be with someone you hope to change into someone they are not. 

Or if you will always regret that in your heart or believe he is just not committed to you enough to do something that or feel you can't trust him to stick by your side for the long term then it may be time to move on in life without him. He can still be your childs father and you can coparent but you  don't need to be a couple if you aren't happy with your relationship.

That is the decision you have the way I see it. Good luck

 YVONNE



ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Oct. 3, 2013 at 7:05 AM
2 moms liked this
I agree with this. Did he tell you at any point before now that he never wants to marry? Did you assume that some day he would change his mind? If so, this is your fault. Women tend to not take what men say at face value and instead let those fairy tale hopes and dreams take over and live on the hope of "someday" rather than reality. If he says he never wants to get married, well, he most likely doesn't. Accept it, or move on.

Quoting Fayanne:

 ehm... you've been together for some time and have a child together and now you're finding this out? I'd reccommend that conversation earlier and before having kids, but that's too late now. If you're not on the same page about marriage, I don't know how you compromise. You can't be half-married unless you go for commom law or a commitment ceremony only. You'll have to ask him what that means. Perhaps there's a story there. You didn't mention he had a dad, why?

Pnukey
by Jennifer on Oct. 3, 2013 at 7:31 AM

Ouch! He probably doesn't want to marry you, or he wouldn't have given such a bone-head answer. He also probably doesn't know how to have a good marriage, so not marrying him could be a good thing. If you're ok with that, stay with him. If not, break up, co-parent, and find someone who does want to get married, but find that out before having any more kids.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 10:38 AM
2 moms liked this

 What does Beyonce say?

If you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it.

Marriage, legal marriage, is important to me. It affords me a sense of security and certain legal protections. If my DH did not want to offer me either the sense of security or legal protections than he obviously doesn't love me as much as he professes.

You need to figure out if this is a deal breaker for you. Can you be the girlfriend the rest of your life?

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 10:41 AM

Hmmm.   I was all set to tell you to decide if it's a deal breaker.... until I re-read it and saw that his answer is "my family doesn't get married"   I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.  He is not his family, his family is not him.  It's up to him to make his own choices.    That would be like deciding to get divorced because that's what everybody else in the family does.  It makes no sense.  

An answer like that would make me feel like he didn't expect to be with me long term.   Because he didn't say "I don't ever want to get married"  He said "my family doesn't get married"   I may be wrong but I would think that if he was sure he didn't EVER want to get married to ANYBODY, he would have said that and not even mentioned the rest of his family.  


xoxRachelxox
by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:01 PM

I have to agree that this is something that should have been discussed when you first started dating. 

Some people don't feel marriage is important and some never want to get married. You have to decide if it's something you can deal with or move on. 

sharon6345
by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 8:14 PM

He is not keeping it a secret either. so you have it all out in the open. he is not going to marry you.

polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 8:18 PM
Ask him directly how he feels about the two of you getting married. Then go from there. Aside from dh's parents and us, everyone else got married after the bfp. Maybe he just hasn't seriously considered marriage because he didn't grow up around married people. I would not be able to stay the girlfriend, but it's up to you and what you want.
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bbyB10
by Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 11:23 PM
I would leave him becauae not worth being with someone who doesnt want to marry me , I almost did leave him but he agreed to marry me he didn't want to lose me so we are now engaged and also have our wedding bands
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