Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Controlling? *Edited

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:12 AM
  • 45 Replies
1 mom liked this

A response got me thinking...

My DH and I have, I guess you could call it, a full disclosure relationship.  We read each others texts, share the same email address and open each other's snail mail.  This is not an every single day thing but it is pretty regular.  Though if there is an issue it gets more frequent until its resolved.  We will also tell each other "heard from so and so today" and a jist of what was said.  We are totally immersed in each others lives.  There have been some issues but because of the way we do things they were caught early, talked about and resolved.  Oh, and we each have the other's passwords to sites like Facebook, twitter, ect.

Do you think this type of relationship is controlling or a healthy way of doing things?  I do understand it might not be for everyone but just wondering what the general concensus is.  

*Edit

I just want to clairfy, we dont go looking for things in each others phones, emails.  We just look.  Example, I was bored the other day so grabbed DH's phone and looked through his pics, texts, played one of his games.  He has done the same thing with my phone for the same reason.  And if the other doesnt see us do it we tell them we have.

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:12 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mommyof11050307
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:13 AM
No it's not something we do but if it works for you who am I to judge.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
RheaF
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

 That's how DH and I are. We are not controlling, we simply do not feel the need for that kind of privacy. We don't go snooping, but if we see a text or email, no biggie. I open his mail all the time, simply because it is always bills,lol.

We have never caught any issue though, because there are no issues like that.

furbabymum
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:17 AM
1 mom liked this

 I think it's weird and my DH has actually cheated on me. I mean if the phone rings and one of us answers we may ask who was calling and what they wanted. I don't dive into his phone to check up on him though. I snooped on his FB awhile ago and wish I hadn't, not because what my DH had done but what his best friend had said that really hurt my feelings. lol

So I did check up on him regularly for like a year but that was only because he'd cheated and I didn't trust him. Now that we have trust back I can't see "checking up" on him and opening his things just because.

To me, for you two to be doing that it means you really don't trust each other because if you did you wouldn't feel the need. Anything important would be conveyed to you without you having to look.

MsTessie
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:17 AM

 If works for you, then that's what matter. My DH and I do the same thing and we're fine with it.

jonsgirl99
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:20 AM

Dh and I have the same type of relationship. We communicate about everything, never "hide" anything, and if there is something going one that either one of us doesn't feel comfortable with it is addresses. The only thing we fight about is him not helping with DD and housework. But we also do go any where other than work or out with family without each other. We are happen and have a health relationship. Marriage is about sharing your life with someone not just a house and bed.

mcginnisc
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:22 AM

Dh and I have full disclosure. We've been married for 18 years. It's not controlling at all. We don't snoop in each other's accounts..we use the same passwords for everything, just because it is what we can remember. LOL... we've had the same passwords for the past 18 years.  

Controlling is : not allowing someone access to anything, not allowing friends of the opposite gender, no family, snooping in the other person's accounts...

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

Mommy4000
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:22 AM
2 moms liked this

I really don't know which way is healthier in a relationship. I do know that secrets and hiding information is unhealthy, but to what extent is healthy privacy, I really couldn't say. I know in my marriage, nothing is hidden, but nothing is looked for either. For example, I could look through my husband's texts, I don't feel the need to. His texts are business related and boring lol. He doesn't have e-mail/facebook, and I don't even check my e-mail, there's no need for him to. I do open snail mail even if addressed to him, because I'm the one who pays the bills, so I don't think he's opened a single piece of mail in years. If it's something he needs to see, I give it to him. There maybe just needs to be a balance between trusting and respecting ones privacy, and willing to be open enough to allow the other access to those things.

furbabymum
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:24 AM

 Yes. I do agree with this. Better said. It's not that I couldn't check up on him like that it's just that I don't feel the need. I think the fact that they feel the need is worrisome.

Quoting Mommy4000:

I really don't know which way is healthier in a relationship. I do know that secrets and hiding information is unhealthy, but to what extent is healthy privacy, I really couldn't say. I know in my marriage, nothing is hidden, but nothing is looked for either. For example, I could look through my husband's texts, I don't feel the need to. His texts are business related and boring lol. He doesn't have e-mail/facebook, and I don't even check my e-mail, there's no need for him to. I do open snail mail even if addressed to him, because I'm the one who pays the bills, so I don't think he's opened a single piece of mail in years. If it's something he needs to see, I give it to him. There maybe just needs to be a balance between trusting and respecting ones privacy, and willing to be open enough to allow the other access to those things.

 

leanntx
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:25 AM
We're the same way. Never had any issues, we just don't see the point since we tell each other everything anyway.
HaileysMom07180
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:28 AM

you just defined our relationship.  i don't have dh's passwords because i'm controlling though, i have them because he either saves them to the computer or has had me log into them.  I've used his email for certain bills so i have asked for his email password before so i can print the receipt.  i do the finances, so i open his mail, but all we get is bills anyway.  i don't snoop in his facebook or anything, although we are friends with allt he same people so there have been times that i accidently ready his messages thinking they were mine.  then the confusion makes me realise i'm in the wrong account lol

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)