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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I think I'm finally leaving my husband for good.

Posted by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:46 PM
  • 74 Replies
I feel really sad and hopeless right now. I have been trying for months now for things to get on a better path but nothing is working.

I found out in December that dh had been sexting another woman and sending her dirty messages on fb. We decided to try and work things out after a few months we ended up pregnant with this baby. I thought he was really sorry and that it wasn't going to happen again. I found out after getting pregnant that there had been other instances of him sexting and sending sexual messages to other girls. A total of four women over about 4 years. I was sad and angry to find out there were more women and angry that he didn't come forward about it when I found out about one of them in December.

He also won't quit looking at porn. I realize feelings on porn are divided and it's not a big issue for all but it is to me. It feels like he's lusting for the women in those videos and makes me feel like I'm not good enough to compete with then and that I'm not fulfilling enough.

I haven't found out about any more cheating or porn watching but I'm still very hurt by what he did and paranoid he's still doing it but better at hiding it or something.

I am scared. I want things to work but we can't afford counseling and I can't get him to talk to me. I say we need to talk about our problems and figure out a solution but he says he doesn't feel like we have problems. Except what he did which he says he's changed.

I tell him I think our communication is poor and we are disconnected but he doesn't feel the same. He works all of the time and when he's home barely speaks to me. He thinks a marriage of just sitting together in silence watching tv for an hour a day is ok and I don't. It wasn't like this in the beginning this is not tr life I signed up for.

I have no job, no car, no money and no place to go. I'm sad and I'm scared. Part of me wants to just out up with it until the kids are older another part I me can't stand it anymore.

Should I give it another try or just go?
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RJC78
by Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this

If you belong to a church, see if the minister is willing to counsel you.  If you're unhapy, something needs to change.  I'm sorry you're going through this, especially being pregnant.  It makes everything so much harder to deal with.  Good luck

LadyBast
by Brenda on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I feel what he did was not cheating but this is me and if you love him and want this to work then you will find a way for that to happen, seems to me you want an excuse b/c of what he did.. JMO

But both of you have to try and I suggest talking to him and saying I will leave and see what he says first you have nothing so why would you even consider leaving??

Rockabella
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:59 PM
I've told him I will leave if things don't change and that's been about 8 times now. I even left once before dd starts kindergarten and it still hasn't changed things.

He doesn't want to talk to me or do anything with me anymore. I feel like it's cheating because he was telling another women how he wished I wasn't here so they could be fooling around and telling her how he fantasized about her everyday. It's hurtful and we agreed early on on what we considered cheating and he broke my trust. Twice with one of the girls they had plans to meet for sex but things fell through. Had they not he probably would have slept with her :(


Quoting LadyBast:

I feel what he did was not cheating but this is me and if you love him and want this to work then you will find a way for that to happen, seems to me you want an excuse b/c of what he did.. JMO

But both of you have to try and I suggest talking to him and saying I will leave and see what he says first you have nothing so why would you even consider leaving??


ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Your posts are all over the place. Are you sure your hormones aren't totally messing with you? In one post you are desperate to keep him so you make yourself have sex with him every day. Now, you want to up and leave. You don't sound totally stable.
Rockabella
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:05 PM
No it's not a hormonal thing. I have been desperate to keep him but I'm fed up. I have sex with him almost every day still but I just do it to try and keep him from straying. It still doesn't give me faith in him that he isn't doing anything. I feel like I constantly have to look for a knife in the back with him. The porn issues still hurt me as well I don't believe he's stopped I think he just hides it better than before.

I wanted and still do want things to change but they aren't and I'm tired of going above and beyond but him continuing to ignore me and not try.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Your posts are all over the place. Are you sure your hormones aren't totally messing with you? In one post you are desperate to keep him so you make yourself have sex with him every day. Now, you want to up and leave. You don't sound totally stable.

Smoore922
by Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:13 PM

 I don't think you guys have a very strong relationship, and if he is looking elsewhere for sex, even if it is just over the phone or in porn, he is obviously not happily married, and it doesnt sound like you are either.. If you can't afford counseling try church, some churches will offer it for free. Or there are workbooks you can get and go through together... The fact that he doesn't think anything is wrong is very sad, especially if you have expressed you are hurt. He sounds immature, and no offense, you don't sound like you have it all together either. You both have a lot of growing to do, it's up to you if youre going to grow together or apart... Good luck, I hope everything works out for the best

Rockabella
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:15 PM



Quoting Smoore922:

 I don't think you guys have a very strong relationship, and if he is looking elsewhere for sex, even if it is just over the phone or in porn, he is obviously not happily married, and it doesnt sound like you are either.. If you can't afford counseling try church, some churches will offer it for free. Or there are workbooks you can get and go through together... The fact that he doesn't think anything is wrong is very sad, especially if you have expressed you are hurt. He sounds immature, and no offense, you don't sound like you have it all together either. You both have a lot of growing to do, it's up to you if youre going to grow together or apart... Good luck, I hope everything works out for the best


Rockabella
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:17 PM
Sorry I think I quoted you with an empty response, stupid phone.

I just don't feel like I've done anything wrong. I've gave it time and many attempts I've tried to forgive him but it's really hard when someone lies to you and cheats multiple times. I agree that it's sad he doesn't see a problem. He agrees cheating and lying were wrong but says the problem is fixed because it's no longer going on. It's not as simple as that though :( I just don't know what to do it feels like leaving or staying are both bad options right now


Quoting Smoore922:

 I don't think you guys have a very strong relationship, and if he is looking elsewhere for sex, even if it is just over the phone or in porn, he is obviously not happily married, and it doesnt sound like you are either.. If you can't afford counseling try church, some churches will offer it for free. Or there are workbooks you can get and go through together... The fact that he doesn't think anything is wrong is very sad, especially if you have expressed you are hurt. He sounds immature, and no offense, you don't sound like you have it all together either. You both have a lot of growing to do, it's up to you if youre going to grow together or apart... Good luck, I hope everything works out for the best


AlannaMaria
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:18 PM
Good luck! Follow your heart.
Rockabella
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:21 PM
Thanks. It's hard making a decision like this. I hoped I wouldn't have to. After all the time I've wasted I'm just fed up :-/


Quoting AlannaMaria:

Good luck! Follow your heart.

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