Let's try something! I'm curious.....
A lot of posts lately seem to revolve around the theme of a marriage or relationship starting to turn sour and go down the tubes. So... I am interested in trying an 'experiment'.
Participate if you want, or don't.
I am realizing, understanding, learning, that we women have more power to chart or change the course of our relationship with our men than we sometimes realize or want to admit.
The old saying goes...."You can't change someone else, you can only change yourself".
So... I want to see if a few simple changes might bring about a change.
For seven days, you agree to try a few simple changes in your daily interactions with your SO/dh. You commit to trying the change whole heartedly, and without expecting any sort of 'what's in it for me?' in return. You do it simply because you want to, or at the very least, you pretend you want to.
If you already practice something like this in your life daily with SO/dh, then you just try to increase the frequency of it occuring.
If you haven't done this lately, and it's not going to be an easy habit to fall into, set up a reminder system. New habits do not naturally fall into place. You need to practice a new habit at least a minimum of 16 - 20 times before it actually starts to become a habit.
So.. a reminder. A subtle clue that serves as your reminder.
For example (totally unrelated to SO, but helps with a habit)... I have recently dropped just enough weight to be able to wear a ring I haven't worn in a long time. I have a horrible habit of eating too many snacks. Now I wear that ring all the time as a reminder to stay away from the snacks.
Your minder might be a wedding pic you post on the fridge, so you see it as you prep for dinner, or an object that's a centerpiece at the dinner table, to remind you during your dinner conversation, or something on your nightstand, to remind you as you begin or end your day. No one else needs to know it's your reminder.
So.. here we go. First 7 day challenge.
1) Give compliments. At least once each day, you must find something to say to your SO/dh that is a genuine compliment. You do not expect a compliment in return, but you say it as genuinely as possible,.. even faking it if you have to.
Something as simple as " I admire the way you handled that at work"... or "that kiss on my neck you gave me last night really made me feel special",,, or a "You did a nice job reminding ds to brush his teeth, thanks'.
2) Ask his opinion about something.
Then... in one week.. report back and let us know if you noticed any inkling of change in your SO/dh's attitude. If you get the tiniest nudge of a positive change, you've got some momentum to build on. If you get a bigger change, you've taken steps toward improving your relationship. If nothing happens, what have you lost? A few minutes of your time?
Life is divine chaos.
Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe.
And enjoy the ride....