I will be the first to say that I have been a complete basketcase regarding this whole situation. Now I'm to the point of calling off my wedding. I think I need to see and hear the majority; a voice of reason to either tell me I'm not insane or to get the heck over myself and suck it up....
A brief-ish history: I got engaged in January of this year. It has been a rough year and not a very enjoyable engagement. Reason for this being my fiance's family. My fiance wanted to propose to me Christmas morning of 2012. Well his bother beat him to the punch and proposed to his girlfriend 6 days before Christmas. Hence why my fiance decided to hold off and wait until January. When his brother got engaged, being the first child in the family to get engaged, the whole family rejoiced; they were given celebratory gifts and blessing and the wedding planning seemed to start immediately. When my fiance and I got engaged his family essentially disowned him and did not speak to us for 8 months. Once a dialogue was finally re-established with his family their behaviour was simply explained as a "misunderstanding due to hurt feelings"...ummm, yeah, whatever that means. It's *still* a mystery to me. I know my fiance's Mom has a few bones to pick with me, but for the most part we've all gotten along well, never had any sort of known conflicts...any ways, needless to say, my engagement has been less than pleasant and things are still subpar with this family. They have yet to congratulate us and it's almost November.
We've perservered and have finally decided to say, "Screw it, let's have ourselves a wedding any way!"....so we've been planning a small family only wedding despite our feeling inferior second banana. Honestly, it bothers me to feel this way, but I'm trying to set sour feelings aside and enjoy this process (although I'm not). In some petty way, it would *really* make me feel good to get married before them...like we've *finally* come first and they can't steal our thunder. (I'd also like to mention that during this time, my fiance's brother and future bride also turned on us as well....) So, we've decided to get married in the end of May 2014. This week I find out they are getting married in April 2014. Good Lord, this information got under my skin!
Keep in mind, both couples (my fiance and I and my fiance's brother and his girlfriend) all started dating at the same time, we've hit every mile stone at literally the same time, i.e.; moving in together, getting engaged, planning a wedding and now getting married. Jesus H. Christ, am I going to have to be pregnant the same time as this chick too? I'd like to not have to share EVERY SINGLE MOMENT with this girl.
So pretty much I'm looking forward to maintaining my position as sloppy seconds and then throwing a wedding where 85% of the guests had single handedly sucked the joy out of my engagament, disrespected me and my fiance for 8 months and will probably show up with their phony bologna facades. Which led me to think, "Why are we having a wedding? Why are we paying $200 a head for these rude, ungrateful people to eat and celebrate a marriage they are not happy about?".... I suggested eloping to my fiance, which is something I actually wanted to do since day one, before the shit hit the fan. I've mentioned it periodically during the year. Well, I plead my case again and requested we elope. He said NO. I asked him to rethink it. He said NO. I told him we either elope or don't get married! At this point I don't want a wedding. I guess you could say I've called it off. I even cancelled our venue.
I've never been the jealous type, I've never been irrational or selfsh. I'm pretty much the community doormat, quiet, never say no, always willing to help, will give the shirt off my back, never one to rock the boat. I've spent a good portion of this year being treated very poorly by people who should have been supportive. Is it so bad that I'd like to have the last laugh so to speak? I will admit, no matter how childish it sounds, I'd like a little glory, some recognition, some acceptance. I'd like to feel like my wedding, my marriage is important. Can I have one, just one, shining moment, please? But we just can't seem to win here.
Where I stand now is to either elope or not get married at all. Or to suck it up, put on my big girl panties and move forward with my second banana May wedding; family and all. I'm just so bent out of shape about this whole situation, it's making me NUTS and petty and irrational. I'm thisclose to getting on the floor and throwing a full fledged temper tantrum....SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT!