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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Should I cancel my wedding?

Posted by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:16 PM
  • 76 Replies

I will be the first to say that I have been a complete basketcase regarding this whole situation. Now I'm to the point of calling off my wedding. I think I need to see and hear the majority; a voice of reason to either tell me I'm not insane or to get the heck over myself and suck it up....

A brief-ish history: I got engaged in January of this year. It has been a rough year and not a very enjoyable engagement. Reason for this being my fiance's family. My fiance wanted to propose to me Christmas morning of 2012. Well his bother beat him to the punch and proposed to his girlfriend 6 days before Christmas. Hence why my fiance decided to hold off and wait until January. When his brother got engaged, being the first child in the family to get engaged, the whole family rejoiced; they were given celebratory gifts and blessing and the wedding planning seemed to start immediately. When my fiance and I got engaged his family essentially disowned him and did not speak to us for 8 months. Once a dialogue was finally re-established with his family their behaviour was simply explained as a "misunderstanding due to hurt feelings"...ummm, yeah, whatever that means. It's *still* a mystery to me. I know my fiance's Mom has a few bones to pick with me, but for the most part we've all gotten along well, never had any sort of known conflicts...any ways, needless to say, my engagement has been less than pleasant and things are still subpar with this family. They have yet to congratulate us and it's almost November.

We've perservered and have finally decided to say, "Screw it, let's have ourselves a wedding any way!"....so we've been planning a small family only wedding despite our feeling inferior second banana. Honestly, it bothers me to feel this way, but I'm trying to set sour feelings aside and enjoy this process (although I'm not). In some petty way, it would *really* make me feel good to get married before them...like we've *finally* come first and they can't steal our thunder. (I'd also like to mention that during this time, my fiance's brother and future bride also turned on us as well....) So, we've decided to get married in the end of May 2014. This week I find out they are getting married in April 2014. Good Lord, this information got under my skin!

Keep in mind, both couples (my fiance and I and my fiance's brother and his girlfriend) all started dating at the same time, we've hit every mile stone at literally the same time, i.e.; moving in together, getting engaged, planning a wedding and now getting married. Jesus H. Christ, am I going to have to be pregnant the same time as this chick too? I'd like to not have to share EVERY SINGLE MOMENT with this girl.

So pretty much I'm looking forward to maintaining my position as sloppy seconds and then throwing a wedding where 85% of the guests had single handedly sucked the joy out of my engagament, disrespected me and my fiance for 8 months and will probably show up with their phony bologna facades. Which led me to think, "Why are we having a wedding? Why are we paying $200 a head for these rude, ungrateful people to eat and celebrate a marriage they are not happy about?".... I suggested eloping to my fiance, which is something I actually wanted to do since day one, before the shit hit the fan. I've mentioned it periodically during the year. Well, I plead my case again and requested we elope. He said NO. I asked him to rethink it. He said NO. I told him we either elope or don't get married! At this point I don't want a wedding. I guess you could say I've called it off. I even cancelled our venue.

I've never been the jealous type, I've never been irrational or selfsh. I'm pretty much the community doormat, quiet, never say no, always willing to help, will give the shirt off my back, never one to rock the boat. I've spent a good portion of this year being treated very poorly by people who should have been supportive. Is it so bad that I'd like to have the last laugh so to speak? I will admit, no matter how childish it sounds, I'd like a little glory, some recognition, some acceptance. I'd like to feel like my wedding, my marriage is important. Can I have one, just one, shining moment, please? But we just can't seem to win here.

Where I stand now is to either elope or not get married at all. Or to suck it up, put on my big girl panties and move forward with my second banana May wedding; family and all. I'm just so bent out of shape about this whole situation, it's making me NUTS and petty and irrational. I'm thisclose to getting on the floor and throwing a full fledged temper tantrum....SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT!

by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ryanswifey42012
by Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:25 PM
Wow, tough decision.
bmw29
by Bronze Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:31 PM
3 moms liked this
This is what it boils down too.
Do you love your fiance? Do you want to spend your whole life with him? Can you deal with his family for the rest of your life?

If the answer is yes then get married, ignore the assholes and focus on you and your fiance. If it's no then cut him loose so you can both move on with your lives.
MomAmy77
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:38 PM
4 moms liked this

If it was me Ill  save the money on the 200 a person I would pay for his rude family , fly somewhere tropical and make your own happy memories and get married . In the end if you have this wedding  there  you most likely will always remember your cinderella day as ruined plus unhappy .  You deserve the excitment, joy,congrats, help plan . Im serious though this will be something you will never forget and why make unpleasant memories to one day share to your kids . You deserve your fairy tail and do what ever it takes to get it 

ravis_mommy
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:49 PM

Yes, I love him. I want to marry him. I just don't want a wedding. Not at this rate. I want to elope. I even suggested that we can throw a celebratory dinner after we elope. I would just like to cut the crap and stress and drama and ENJOY my wedding day. Just me and him. Because that's all who matters, he and I. But he does not want to elope. So I snapped and became "that woman" who basically threatened him...elope or nothing at all.

So here I am...at a stand still. No wedding. No elopement. Nothing.


Quoting bmw29:

This is what it boils down too.
Do you love your fiance? Do you want to spend your whole life with him? Can you deal with his family for the rest of your life?

If the answer is yes then get married, ignore the assholes and focus on you and your fiance. If it's no then cut him loose so you can both move on with your lives.



ravis_mommy
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:53 PM

Thank you for sympathizing! I just know that all the sour feelings will be in the back of my head on my wedding day and that just doesn't seem fair to me. But then again, if I cancel my wedding altogether, does that mean that they "win"...they get what they want, right? I just can't stomach going through with a wedding. I truly want to experience this experience without feeling inferior or like it's been a competition. I would LOVE to elope...my fiance REFUSES.

I'm in a pickle.


Quoting MomAmy77:

If it was me Ill  save the money on the 200 a person I would pay for his rude family , fly somewhere tropical and make your own happy memories and get married . In the end if you have this wedding  there  you most likely will always remember your cinderella day as ruined plus unhappy .  You deserve the excitment, joy,congrats, help plan . Im serious though this will be something you will never forget and why make unpleasant memories to one day share to your kids . You deserve your fairy tail and do what ever it takes to get it 



OliviaW.
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Elope. Go to Vegas. You can have the wedding recorded or whatever.
muisjes
by Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:59 PM
I would say that as long as you don't agree on this, you shouldn't have a wedding. Why doesn't your so want to elope?
ravis_mommy
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:04 AM

He almost came around to eloping earlier in the year. And then his Oma (Grandmother) passed away. Now he feels that his Aunt, who is living, is like an extension of his Oma. He feels his Aunt would be devestated if she didn't get to see us get married. His Aunt and Oma have been the only supportive and pleasant people in his family and now his Oma is gone. He would carry a lot of guilt and doesn't want to have any regrets.

I feel now though that since I've given him such a strong ultimatum, I am robbing myself of a marriage altogether. Here I am, no wedding, no elopement...nothing. And for what? My pride? My ego? I feel hurt either way.


Quoting muisjes:

I would say that as long as you don't agree on this, you shouldn't have a wedding. Why doesn't your so want to elope?



nebcutie
by Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:15 AM
1 mom liked this
Why dont you guys maybe do something small with only the ones who have supported you? See if he would go for that? I am like you andreally would not want them there but would love the people who were there for us.


Quoting ravis_mommy:

He almost came around to eloping earlier in the year. And then his Oma (Grandmother) passed away. Now he feels that his Aunt, who is living, is like an extension of his Oma. He feels his Aunt would be devestated if she didn't get to see us get married. His Aunt and Oma have been the only supportive and pleasant people in his family and now his Oma is gone. He would carry a lot of guilt and doesn't want to have any regrets.

I feel now though that since I've given him such a strong ultimatum, I am robbing myself of a marriage altogether. Here I am, no wedding, no elopement...nothing. And for what? My pride? My ego? I feel hurt either way.



Quoting muisjes:

I would say that as long as you don't agree on this, you shouldn't have a wedding. Why doesn't your so want to elope?





jae414
by Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:26 AM
1 mom liked this
I've been through this with my own sister. But I sucked it up and had my own church wedding. In the end, my wedding was a lot nicer and cost less. And we're both happily married, going on 8 years now.

Good luck with what you decide on. :)
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