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Could you forgive the other woman if your partner cheated?

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:16 AM
  • 38 Replies

7 Reasons You Should Forgive 'The Other Woman'

by Emily Abbate

the other womanWhen you find a man who wants to wine and dine you and makes you feel truly beautiful -- it makes you feel all warm and happy inside. But that heartwarming feeling can quickly turn to heated anger if you find out there's another woman in his life; another woman whom he tells the exact same mushy gushy goodness. And before most women can even blink their eyes, the hatred ensues. The other woman. You hate her. She stole your man. How could she live with herself? BAM -- the tears begin.

Let's be real here. So often ladies get mad at one another when they should be getting mad at this two-timing man. As someone who's been "the other woman" and had absolutely no clue he was in a full-fledged relationship with someone else -- that label, well, it's just not fair.

I'm not saying homewreckers don't exist. I'm just saying that not all "other women" are homewreckers with no regard for a man's marital or family status. Thus I present you with 7 reasons not to hate the other woman:

1. She probably had no idea: It may not be easy to hold back your anger at first, but until you know better, you have to assume that this woman didn't have a clue about you either. Just like in the courtroom, innocent until proven guilty. Besides, if you don't freak out on her the first second you have, then you can get her side of the story and be able to piece things together in your own mind.

2. She's probably just as upset about this as you: Granted, you care more about your own feelings than hers. But considering she obviously cares about the same man as you do -- she's probably upset that this thought-to-be-awesome man is actually a scumbag.

More from The Stir: 10 Understandable Ways to Get Revenge On Your Cheating Husband

3. She probably believed she was cared about. Heck, maybe she was: This is probably the worst part. When you meet someone and it's new, you're not exactly entitled to ask EVERYTHING about their past right upfront. While it's new and exciting, she probably didn't want to know exact details yet while she was still feeling things out.

4. It's not her fault there were other problems in your relationship (aside from him cheating): Unfortunately, that's typically why men go astray in the first place. I'm not saying that him cheating is YOUR fault. It's not. I'm just saying that usually when things start to go south or there's a problem the two of you can't work out, that's when he starts looking elsewhere instead of focusing on the issue.

5. She's probably a good person: Again with the benefit of the doubt notion from before. If you don't know this woman, you have no idea if she's a bad person. For all you know, you two could have potential to be besties. Although, I'll be honest, that could get a little awkward.

6. Forgiving her will help YOU move forward: You need to figure out if this man is worth your time and effort, considering the circumstances surrounding this "other woman" scenario. Forgiving her, whether or not you really interact with her, will help you focus on what really matters: how YOU need to cope with this sticky situation. (Oh, and my suggestion is to get the hell away from this two-timer.)

More from The Stir: Mom Overhears Man Bragging About Cheating & Secretly Posts His Pic on Facebook (PHOTO)

7. And most importantly -- no woman ever wants to be "the other woman": OK, so the exception to this rule is those homewrecking women I mentioned earlier that thrive off of this horrible relationship-ruining feeling. However, any woman with a good conscience is just looking for a good man, a good companion. Being "the other woman" isn't exactly a holy accomplishment.

Have you ever dealt with an "other woman" situation? How did you handle things after you found out he cheated?

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:16 AM
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by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:21 AM
3 moms liked this

 No I have never had to deal with the other woman. If I did I just would leave those 2 alone with eachother. I could careless if she knew about me or not, however I wouldn't give him the time of day to try to "explain" anything either. Yes it would hurt like hell but I would never let myself fight for someone who thought that he could have two pieces of cake from different stores

Mommy to one angel, 1 crazy toddler and 1 on the way!!
by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:25 AM

Facing almost that now.

I could give a frog's fat a** about her.  Right now, I have enough crap to deal with him about.

Seriously, she is the last thing on my mind right now.  It is his sneaky, lying butt. that I am worried about.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:58 AM

Exactly. I see no reason for forgiveness. And if the other woman was a friend of yours, then there's definitely no reason to forgive.

Sorry you're going through that.

Quoting carrieme:

Facing almost that now.

I could give a frog's fat a** about her.  Right now, I have enough crap to deal with him about.

Seriously, she is the last thing on my mind right now.  It is his sneaky, lying butt. that I am worried about.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:00 PM


by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:00 PM

I never had to deal with that.  I don't know what I would do if I had to though.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Once there was another woman, she knew about me, met me and tried to be my friend while f*ing my ex. Hate doesn't begain to describe it. Have I ever forgiven her? No she just became an insignificant part of my past.
by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:05 PM

I think the ONLY way I could forgive the other woman is if she genuinely DID NOT KNOW that I was in the picture and that I didn't treat him like s**t or that he was single or whatever excuse he used. If she knew that I was in the picture and still continued her relationship with my SO then I don't think I could forgive her

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:09 PM
3 moms liked this

 There would be nothing to forgive. She didn't swear in front of God and our families to be committed to me.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Yea ive been in this situation. Heres how it went.

My now ex DH was home from C School about to be PCS'd to North Carolina Cherry Point. I hadnt seen him four months around about and I was excited he was home. We took the weekend to ourselves left the kids with his mom and went to a place about two hours away called hocking hills. He had his phone but not to much. Someone named Red in his phone text every now and then. He claimed it was a guy who they called red cause he had red hair. He is a marine I knew they had odd names whatever didnt care. When we got home from the weekend he got distant and started to party alot in our home town while the kids an I were at my moms. Well I made him come back to my moms because our daughter needed formula. The dummy left his phone in the car. I am smart enough to figure out his password and found out that red was a girl named kelsi. Well needed to say I got back to my moms phone in hand (i had saved her number in my phone) and he said baby whats wrong. PSH well that didnt go over well. I called Kelsi from my phone threatened to report to her command as she was in the navy and for three weeks she called me begging to not ruin her career. I was bitter for a long time, very long time. Two days later I found a blonde stratteling him at a party she got punched in her face. Needless to say he stayed with kelsi an three months later they split up. I took him for 1200 a month in child support the new car and left him with no custody. Things have settled now in the past two years. Were civil however I still hate the red headed chick no matter what she said. She was either stupid and fell for every word out of his mouth or didnt care. The blonde strattling him? Well she had a black eye for a few weeks and runs if she sees me. Not my finest moments but thats okay

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:13 PM

Forgiving is easy when the infraction is small.  Something large like that would take time but it might eventually happen....maybe.

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