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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is He A Very Involved Father?

 kissing dad Is your kid/s/ bio dad and/or stepdad a very involved father when  he's not at work or do you  feel more like a single parent even  when he's there?

 YVONNE

by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:47 AM
Replies (81-89):
baileymarie723
by Silver Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 5:41 PM
My daughter has no relationship with her biological "sperm donor" (that is a whole other story), so she wants a daddy/daughter relationship with him that much I do know. Before he met me he didn't have any experience in raising a child, so he always acted like he did around his friends kids. When we got married he started letting her call him "daddy" or "dad" (which she will do on occassion), but he still has a hard time figuring out how to take on the "daddy" role. He wants to, and there are times he does really well at it, but he can't seem to stick with it. He wants to adopt my daughter since her so called father is going to prison because he was in contempt of court for not paying child support and isn't there for her anyway, but we can't afford to hire a family lawyer right now to find out what we have to do to make that happen. Her biological father isn't even on her birth certificate, and he makes no attempt to see her, so the odds are in our favor, but if we have to go to court we couldn't yet. Part of me just thinks my husband is scared to get to close to her.

Quoting earthangel1967:

 Have you  two talked as a couple privately what you  guys feel like his role should/can be? Then after that maybe it would also help to have a little family meeting to get feedback from daughter on what she feels and thinks about their relationship and what she'd like and feel comfortable with too?


Quoting baileymarie723:Kind of both. My husband is my daughter's stepdad, and I think he isn't sure how involved to be sometimes, so there are times when he is involved and times when he's not.

 

lageise
by on Nov. 11, 2013 at 12:55 AM

My husband is very involved with the kids and he does housework too.

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 11, 2013 at 4:41 AM
1 mom liked this

 Thanks for caring about all these ladies to type that all out and share your very personal experience and what you learned from it and your advice for others who may be in your previous situation. That is so sweet of you.. I hope it helps some of the other moms who are up in arms over what to do next with their uninvolved dh's. HUGS

Quoting Marisol1106:

Truthfully I left him and that tore him to pieces. He couldn't bare to be without his children or me. He didn't want to miss out. It broke his heart that I left him but it also opens his eyes. I hate what happened and how I handled it at the time. I would do things differently if I could but I'm extremely grateful that he realized we loved him and all we wanted was a dad and a husband. It's been five months now and we do family things every weekend. I have been with him 15 years so this is the most fun as a whole we have been having. When we aren't doing family things we are having some alone time which we need and it's so hard to get with no help. We had no support system at the time and we still don't. But, we just learned that there are ways to make time for ourselves because it is very important for a marriage. We always lived for our kids and neglected us. It isn't easy but if you TRUELY love the person and want to spend your life with them then you make it work. I chose to give my husband another chance because I know he loves us all and he wanted to change. We are also seeking marriage counseling for some other stuff which will only strengthen our marriage more. We need to learn to communicate more with one another. We have made it this far and in my heart I know we can make it to the end. We were kids when we started our relationship and we grew up together so there were changes but we can learn to deal with them. My advice fight for what you want and love. Always keep your kids interest at heart. Put their needs top of your priority list and then yours. Express to the dads that the kids need their dad just as much they need their mom. If he wants alone/down time that's fine but compromise. If that's what he wants then he also needs to make time for kids and wife. Make a schedule if you have to and put it on the fridge.
Best wishes to you all. :)


Quoting earthangel1967:

 Ohhh what a happy turnaround! : ) Was there anything special that inspired that turnaround that might help some of the other ladies here who's significant others arent involved dads?


Quoting Marisol1106:

Yes, he is. He wasn't always but thankfully he has turned around and now is always there and we spend way more time as a family. :D

 


 

 YVONNE

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 11, 2013 at 5:17 AM

 Have you had a private gentle heart to heart talk with dh and express to him that you appreciate all he does for her as a dad but you sense some hesitation  and you are not judging him but are wondering if he feels afraid or hesitant, why he is feeling that way and is there anything  you can  do to help him feel more comfortable etc?

Quoting baileymarie723:

My daughter has no relationship with her biological "sperm donor" (that is a whole other story), so she wants a daddy/daughter relationship with him that much I do know. Before he met me he didn't have any experience in raising a child, so he always acted like he did around his friends kids. When we got married he started letting her call him "daddy" or "dad" (which she will do on occassion), but he still has a hard time figuring out how to take on the "daddy" role. He wants to, and there are times he does really well at it, but he can't seem to stick with it. He wants to adopt my daughter since her so called father is going to prison because he was in contempt of court for not paying child support and isn't there for her anyway, but we can't afford to hire a family lawyer right now to find out what we have to do to make that happen. Her biological father isn't even on her birth certificate, and he makes no attempt to see her, so the odds are in our favor, but if we have to go to court we couldn't yet. Part of me just thinks my husband is scared to get to close to her.

Quoting earthangel1967:

 Have you  two talked as a couple privately what you  guys feel like his role should/can be? Then after that maybe it would also help to have a little family meeting to get feedback from daughter on what she feels and thinks about their relationship and what she'd like and feel comfortable with too?


Quoting baileymarie723:Kind of both. My husband is my daughter's stepdad, and I think he isn't sure how involved to be sometimes, so there are times when he is involved and times when he's not.

 

 

 YVONNE

baileymarie723
by Silver Member on Nov. 11, 2013 at 12:05 PM
No. With him "heart to heart" talks are difficult unless I am upset about something. He is a very caring person, but for some reason he seems to shut down with "heart to heart" conversations. I think he feels like he is being accused of things in conversations like that, so he tries to avoid them. He was adopted himself, and he has never wanted to meet his biological parents, and his adoptive parents are amazing, but I think deep down that affects him when it comes to parenting.

Quoting earthangel1967:

 Have you had a private gentle heart to heart talk with dh and express to him that you appreciate all he does for her as a dad but you sense some hesitation  and you are not judging him but are wondering if he feels afraid or hesitant, why he is feeling that way and is there anything  you can  do to help him feel more comfortable etc?


Quoting baileymarie723:My daughter has no relationship with her biological "sperm donor" (that is a whole other story), so she wants a daddy/daughter relationship with him that much I do know. Before he met me he didn't have any experience in raising a child, so he always acted like he did around his friends kids. When we got married he started letting her call him "daddy" or "dad" (which she will do on occassion), but he still has a hard time figuring out how to take on the "daddy" role. He wants to, and there are times he does really well at it, but he can't seem to stick with it. He wants to adopt my daughter since her so called father is going to prison because he was in contempt of court for not paying child support and isn't there for her anyway, but we can't afford to hire a family lawyer right now to find out what we have to do to make that happen. Her biological father isn't even on her birth certificate, and he makes no attempt to see her, so the odds are in our favor, but if we have to go to court we couldn't yet. Part of me just thinks my husband is scared to get to close to her.
Quoting earthangel1967:

 Have you  two talked as a couple privately what you  guys feel like his role should/can be? Then after that maybe it would also help to have a little family meeting to get feedback from daughter on what she feels and thinks about their relationship and what she'd like and feel comfortable with too?


Quoting baileymarie723:Kind of both. My husband is my daughter's stepdad, and I think he isn't sure how involved to be sometimes, so there are times when he is involved and times when he's not.


 




 


valrubio
by on Nov. 11, 2013 at 12:08 PM
My DH is an amazing father. When he is home, I can do whatever I want. He gladly takes care of the kids and our kids adore their dad. I could not have imagined a better man to father my kids.
lemleyfam13
by on Nov. 11, 2013 at 2:21 PM
my sons bio dad sucks he has our son right now friday-sunday and keeps him in daycare on fridays he does not work at all the rest of the time i get calls from his mom that she has our son most saturday until sunday when he meets me to pick up my son :( lame lame lame...my hubby on the other hand is a wonderful step dad he works 8am till 5 pm comes home and we eat as a family and he plays with my son constantly we have been together a year and a half now we got married in june the best feeling ever was hearing him call my son our son and he always tells me not to worry about mr. lame because he will always be my sons best friend and help him any way he can :) i love that my son has my hubby to look up to makes me proud of myself for finding us such a great man to take care of us
Jellybean1123
by Jocelyn on Nov. 11, 2013 at 6:58 PM

He's very involved with my 2 children and our son together (1 week old). He is a wonderful father/stepfather.

deadlights86
by Emily on Nov. 12, 2013 at 1:53 PM
Depends on what's going on. I always have to get up and get things for the kids even when dh is home. He sleeps a lot.
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