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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

what should i do???

Posted by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:03 PM
  • 16 Replies
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ever since i had my baby me and my boyfriend have been argueing all the time. how do i stop this, im afraid its gonna break us.

by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
motetsi
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:30 PM
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I had the same prob, although we argued most of the pregnancy too. I think HE had post pardom! I was hormonal too. We got through it, but I thought it was going to be the end also.
I bf, so I also think he was jealous of my bond with the baby early on. He also seemed like he did not know what to do with the baby, so I kept encouraging him.
I would literally have to ask him to hold our newborn, this went on for months. He finally snapped out of it, and once he saw my hormones were leveling off, we got back to normal. Then he came out of his funk too.
Rough, rough, so I feel your pain.
UCFknight
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:43 PM
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babies/kids add a lot of stress to a relationship. What exactly are you arguing about? Is it a cycle where there is no conclusion or resolution made? Communication is key. Yelling the loudest doesn't make anyone more right than the other. Try to talk, express your concerns and allow him to the same opportunity. Do not interrupt and give each other the chance to really say why your behaviors have shifted so much. 

ablox
by Aisha on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:57 PM
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That stinks I didn't even have the strength to argue after having our baby, but UCFknight babies out a lot of stress on the relationship and this to shall pass. Just be patient
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 7, 2013 at 5:26 PM

Well, what exactly are you arguing about?

Fayanne
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:29 PM
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 exactly what I was going to ask

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Well, what exactly are you arguing about?

 one way to end an argument is to just stop responding. !

                   
    Life is divine chaos
Embrace it.  Forgive  yourself.   Breathe
           And enjoy the ride....   

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 8, 2013 at 4:48 AM
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 Having a new baby can be very stressful and you are probably sleep deprived and your attention is forced to go from  focused all on one another to all for the baby and that can be hard to adjust to and cause unintended hurt feelings etc. If at all possible, get a grandparent or someone to watch the  baby at least one hour a week so you  can spend one on  one couple time together, it helps a lot. hugs

If you guys can't talk without yelling but need to get some communication across, try to write to eachother, so you each  can  express yourselves without being interrupted and there is no yelling. Make sure you  both use I statements like I feel, I need, I'd appreciate, it'd mean alot to me if, I want us to be closer because you are important to me because.... instead of you  statements like You always, you  never, you  should, because you statements make people defensive and think about what they are going to say to defend themselves instead of taking in the point you  are trying to  make. Also try to make a rule that if either of you  have a criticism  you  try to deliver it constructively not cruelly and sandwich it between things you  DO like or appreciate about the other person.

good luck

 YVONNE

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Nov. 8, 2013 at 8:00 AM
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Figure out why are are arguing.   Who does it usually start with?  Are there any common factors (tired, hungry, money, etc..)   If it's mostly about something substantial (like $$) you can brainstorm ways to make things better.  If it's emotional then it's just a matter of reigning that stuff in.

My grandmother has always said "it takes two to argue"  Interacting like that is a choice, choose to do different.  Obviously you can't control what he does, but you can control what you do and how you repspond to him.  It's not always easy but it's doable and one of the great things about being an adult human.  Good Luck.

Pnukey
by Jennifer on Nov. 8, 2013 at 9:52 AM
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It takes two to argue. When you see the conversation turning into an argument, stop talking. Remain calm and think before speaking. It takes practice, but it's worth it.

beeky
by Alexandra on Nov. 8, 2013 at 8:09 PM
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Step 1 - Just stop!  It takes two to argue. 

Step 2 - Learn to pick your battles.  If it isn't worth fighting about, then don't pick a fight or engage him if he tries.

Step 3 - Choose your words carefully.  If you want him to do something, make it a request not a demand.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Nov. 8, 2013 at 10:29 PM
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 I love all the advice you've already been given. All very good.

I remember that things were really rough for me and my DH too, right after baby was born. Between being sleep deprived, hormones running amok, and all the added stress of caring for the baby, all while trying to maintain some form of sanity - it's hard. And the fights are normal. Like the other moms have said, stop and figure out what the core issue is and work on them together.

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