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heart=broken

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 2:25 AM
  • 19 Replies
Anyone else have a boyfriend/hubby that just goes to bed while you cry about a big fight your having.. it seriously just breaks my heart. No matter how many times I tell him it hurts he just doesn't care.
by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 2:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LaughCryLive
by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 2:26 AM
Depends. Has he fried to comfort you but your being stubborn?
carson101013
by New Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 2:27 AM
Not exactly sure what you mean

Quoting LaughCryLive:

Depends. Has he fried to comfort you but your being stubborn?
LaughCryLive
by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 2:31 AM
Has he tried to calm you down at all during this fight? Maybe he's too upset himself and has to walk away.
LaughCryLive
by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 2:31 AM
Has he tried to calm you down at all during this fight? Maybe he's too upset himself and has to walk away.
carson101013
by New Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 2:33 AM
Its like I try to talk to him about things that bother me because I have no one else to talk to other wise he will get mad I told our business so then he gets mad about what I have to say. Its killing me inside. I can't just not talk about my feelings. And I should be able to talk to him about anything right?:'(

Quoting LaughCryLive:

Has he tried to calm you down at all during this fight? Maybe he's too upset himself and has to walk away.
Fayanne
by Silver Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 5:19 AM
3 moms liked this

 you should be able to feel he's  listening and understands, but perhaps he's frustrated and doesn't know what to do about your feelings.

Men are action oriented, they need to be able to 'fix' things.  Give him  concrete  things he can 'do'. Don't expect him to be able to just listen the way your best GF can.. for many men, that's not a way they can act

Quoting carson101013:

Its like I try to talk to him about things that bother me because I have no one else to talk to other wise he will get mad I told our business so then he gets mad about what I have to say. Its killing me inside. I can't just not talk about my feelings. And I should be able to talk to him about anything right?:'(

Quoting LaughCryLive:

Has he tried to calm you down at all during this fight? Maybe he's too upset himself and has to walk away.

 

                   
    Life is divine chaos
Embrace it.  Forgive  yourself.   Breathe
           And enjoy the ride....   

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 12, 2013 at 7:08 AM
1 mom liked this

 No, my husband usually knows just what to say to help me feel better than anyone else but if that doesnt work, he just holds me and pets my hair and stuff while I cry because sometimes there IS nothing you can say or do ya know?

Also sometimes crying is like healthy purging and cleansing and can be healing.

I agree with Fayanne though, all men are individuals and different  and so you cant compare one to another, it's not fair, sometimes men or even anyone can  feel helpless and not feel sure of HOW to help their loved one feel better and because of their unsureness they do nothing, or even say nothing but that does NOT mean that person doesnt care, maybe  they care so much  they even feel paralyzed for fear nothing they say or do will be sufficient and then they'll feel even worse and if they say or  do the wrong thing it might make you feel worse.

Also when you are venting to him, make you sure you arent saying things like You always, you  never, you  should, you need to , you  ... because stuff like that makes a person feel attacked and defensive and close off and possibly not even hear all that you  said bc they are too busy thinking of what to say to defend themselves, try to say things like I feel, I need, I appreciate but would also appreciate if, or WE statements like what can WE do to work on .... how do you  feel we could improve this situation together? things like that. If he ever DOES make the slightest effort to comfort you make SURE you thank him and let him know very clearly how much that gesture or even few kind words meant to you  and how much they helped because you get MORE OF  what you  put the most focus and attention on and especially praise. So if you get even a HINT of what you need from him, make him KNOW without a doubt that meant the world to you and he will be more likely to try that again  in the future.

Some people are raised without a lot of emotional expression in their households and don't know  what to do with it because its so foreign and feels awkward and uncomfortable .. again that does NOT mean these  people dont care as much as someone who IS expressive.

feel better

Quoting Fayanne:

 you should be able to feel he's  listening and understands, but perhaps he's frustrated and doesn't no what to do about your feelings.

Men are action oriented, they need to be able to 'fix' things.  Give him  concert things he can 'do'. Don't expect him to be able to just listen the way your best GF can.. for many men, that's not a way they can act

Quoting carson101013:

Its like I try to talk to him about things that bother me because I have no one else to talk to other wise he will get mad I told our business so then he gets mad about what I have to say. Its killing me inside. I can't just not talk about my feelings. And I should be able to talk to him about anything right?:'(

Quoting LaughCryLive:

Has he tried to calm you down at all during this fight? Maybe he's too upset himself and has to walk away.

 

 

 YVONNE

Unapologetic
by New Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 7:18 AM
1 mom liked this

My husband has gotten up and gone to bed when we haven't resolved things. 

It isn't that he is trying to be rude - it is that I have decided that the perfect time for me to decide I want to talk to him about how I am feeling is less than an hour before he needs to go to bed. He gets up for work at 3:30AM.

I have gotten better in recent years about timing thing better. That has helped us communicate a lot better.

MrzPalmer
by Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 7:55 AM

Oh hell no, when my water works starts happening he turns into a big softy and caters to me. He hates seeing me cry, he'll even apologize for something that he didnt even do just so we can end the fight and that irrates me to all get out cause im like dont say your sorry for something you didnt do or say and then I have to turn around and say im sorry.... Its just weird how things go for us when we fight. But communication is NEVER a problem with us. 

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:23 AM

I'm so sorry to hear that.   Maybe it's best to wait until things have cooled down after the fight before you talk about it?   Problems are rarely solved in the heat of the moment.

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