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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Have You Ever Had To Deal With Stalker? : (

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:27 AM
  • 146 Replies

Have you ever had to deal with a stalker?

For how long? Were you able to get it to stop?

Do you  feel safe now?

 YVONNE

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:37 AM
2 moms liked this

No, thankfully. 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:40 AM

A very, very long time and another life ago, I had to get a protection order against a guy who was a Iittle too into me when I wasn't into him. 

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:49 AM

 My ex husband stalked me after I filed for a divorce and the entire year it takes to get the divorce finalized in  our  state and even after. The first 3 months he had to  be in  the mental hospital after I left because he had to be on 24 hour watch because he was suicidal and unstable. When  he got out, he moved into the house right next door to me and the  kids so he could keep an eye on  me. Numerous times a day I 'd be busy doing someting and I'd get a phone call or even a knock at the front door and I'd ask him what he wanted and he acted really hesitatant and awkward and then would say "Ummm I ummm I just wanted to see your face or hear your voice." That would scare me and frustrate me and I would tell him that is inappropirate and unacceptable and he is only to call or talk to me if it pertains to something important about the 4 kids (I had full custody of ).

Sometimes at night I'd have me and all thekids lay to sleep on the hardwood floors in  the downstairs living room to keep cooler because itd get so hot  in the summer upstairs and we had no running water or electrcity to cool us down and I'd have the winddows open for venilation and  I heard a n0oise and he wasstanding theere in  the dark with his face pressed against the  screen just watching us/ well mostly watching me, ... Iwas his obsession not  thekids.);

I didnt start dating until the divorce was finalized a year later and when I got serious with Todd and he started staying weekends at  my house, we'd be in  my bedroom and we'd hear my ex in  his clock shop LATE LATE in the middle of thenight that is attached to my bedroom divided only by a locked door and he was listening to us and yelling comments thru the wall, it freaked the hell out of us and we  were scared he  was going to shoot us thru the wall orsomething, so we tried to have our weekends at todds apt instead and we'd bring all the kids overthere instead.

7 months into mine and Todds relationship we bought a house together a glorious HOUR away from there and we didnt tell him whre our house was, we told the ccourt he had to  pick up the kids at a public location downtown because I didnt feel safe. He told me on the phone, creeplily, IKNOW where you live... I told him even if you do you damn well better not show up in my yard even for a second or I'm calling the police. so he never did. but I was always afraid he would while todd was at work or something, we lived in a very low crime safe town that seemed set back in  time but we had locks and deadbolts on the  doors and windows all over the house.

The kids said he refused to date anyone else (he still wont over 12+ yrs later and lives as a literal recluse now) and they said he still had my  pictures in his house, his business and even in  his van.

When I got married to Todd, he called me on the phone  and said "That marriage is only a piece of paper its not real, OUR marraige was in  a church and in  gods eyes you and I will always be married no matter what your piece of paper says, what god joins together let no man put asunder, you are still MY wife and always will be." I got mad and scared and said "NO! What we had was NEVER a real marriage because a real marriage consists of  real love and I shouldnt have married you because I was a messed up teen andmarried you for thewrong reasons and loved you as a PERSON but was never in  love with you, that is not a real marriage and even  God knew it wasnt".

Now the kids are grown up and on their own and todd and i moved again and Ihavent heard from him in years but I will always feel at least a little bit nervous. He refuses to talk to any of the adult kids at all.

If he ever does try to  contact me again since there is NO reason  to now that the kids are adults and he wants nothing to do with them and we moved and have new address and phonenumber we didnt give him, if he does contact me ever again I WILL get a protection order against him. The only reason I didnt early on is my kids begged me not to because they were afraid itwould affect them getting to see him but as it turned out he very very rarely ever chose to see them or talk to them anyway, I think more than  not he was always jealous  of them and how passi0onately I loved them and his only obsession  was me.

The only somewhat comforting thing he did that eased my anxiety a little bit was one day before we moved far away from his neighboring house, he approached Todd when we were dating and planning on moving in  together and he was crying and he said he liked how he saw todd deal with the kids in the yard and how he makes them laugh and how much he helps me and that he noticed todd always opens the house and car door for \me every single time without fail and he said just treat her  like she deserves, there is no one as special as her in the  world, she is  irreplaceable and my only comfort will be to know she is being treated the way she deserves and that from his observations Todd seemed like that kind of person that would treat me  that way.

For years I was scared he'd show up at my house and kill me as in if hecouldnt have me no one could kiind of thing and then probably kill himself too... I'll always be at least a little worried in the back of  my mind but as time goes on my anxiety has lessened at least.

 YVONNE

MagicTemptation
by Christina on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:52 AM

I once had a guy knock on my door at 2am. Luckily I had a guy staying with me and he answered the door. The man was surpised when my date answered. He told my friend that he met me at work and that I offered to do house cleaning for him. My date told him if he every saw him around here again he would need a hearse. The guy must of followed me home from work one day. And I never offered to clean someone's house. I quit my job the next day.


I had two stalkers at my last job. One would come in every day and just stand and watch me. He would ask to take me out even after repeatedly telling him I had a man and children. He had even seen Kevin and the kids bc they would come up to the store a lot to visit. The guy would follow me around and just stare. Management banned him.

The other guy would leave me letters and trinkets. The letters were written partially in german. He would right pages about my blonde hair and blue eyes and how it was the divine race. The trinkets were things like billbury pills (vitamins for your eyes), matches, lipgloss, mints, bandaids (I kid you not!). He would never hand the letters and stuff to me, but to coworkers and ask them to pass it along to me. Nutjob. I passed it all over to my boss. They finally banned him.  My old boss called me last week and asked me if I remembered his name, what he drove, where he lives etc... apparently now he is harrassing someone else.

JRSMOM0621
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 8:56 AM

 Twice. Once when I was 16 and again when I was 18/19. When I was 16 I lost my wallet on the way home from school (or so the guy said) and started following me to work all the time and home. I didnt have a car so I had to walk by his house every day to and from school, and to and from work. I carried a pocket knife every day but had to check it in at the front office (they knew I had it due to a stalker). And at work I had several people taking me to and from breaks and stuff. It was horrible but I am thankful that they made me feel safe :) When I was 18 it was a guy who refused to hear no for an answer. Thankfully his dad was a lawyer and all I had to say was pressing charges if you cant get your son undercontrol. I feel safe now because the guy when I was 16 has moved and I havent heard from the other guy in years. I went to self defense classes and always carry my knife with me. I know how to use a gun but dont have a my conciel permit yet. (sorry I know my spelling sucks).

Mommy to one angel, 1 crazy toddler and 1 on the way!!
earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:00 AM

 Oh gosh, that is  so scary, I am so relieved for you that it was a long time ago and you are safe now and that your  protection order worked for you! HUGS

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

A very, very long time and another life ago, I had to get a protection order against a guy who was a Iittle too into me when I wasn't into him. 

 

 YVONNE

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:08 AM

 Oh my gosh, how creepy. I am glad your employment place helped to try to protect you  too. I hope his new stalking victim will get away safely too.

I was so mad when I was 17 and lived a really high crime city and bad neighborhood Pontiac, MI that had rapes on the block  and drive by shootings and drug dealers  and we had deadbolts up anddownthe whole d0or and a peephole and one  night some guy I have never seen before in my life, some old guy was pounding on my apt door inside the building  at like 1am and yelling Yvonne Yvonne I  just want to talk to you, open the door I just want to talk to you  and was wiggling the  door knob hard like trying to open the door  and I looked thru peephole and had never seen him before and didnt work outside the home at the time and have no idea to this day how he knew my name, I was shaking and crying I was so scared he was going  to get in, I called 911 but the police in  that city is corrupt and useless. the dispatcher acted annoyed with  me and said "Did you tell him to go away bc the cops are c0omming? I said NO! I dont want him to because I dont  want him to get away I want the cops to get him so I dont have to worry about him running loose every single night without them knowing who he is, she yelled at me, I am NOT sending a car until I HEAR you YELL LOUDLY to him to go away that the  cops are coming, so cryiing even  harder I did it and of course by the time the cops came he was gone. I was so paranoid he'd come back after that but luckily he never did.

Quoting MagicTemptation:

I once had a guy knock on my door at 2am. Luckily I had a guy staying with me and he answered the door. The man was surpised when my date answered. He told my friend that he met me at work and that I offered to do house cleaning for him. My date told him if he every saw him around here again he would need a hearse. The guy must of followed me home from work one day. And I never offered to clean someone's house. I quit my job the next day.

 

I had two stalkers at my last job. One would come in every day and just stand and watch me. He would ask to take me out even after repeatedly telling him I had a man and children. He had even seen Kevin and the kids bc they would come up to the store a lot to visit. The guy would follow me around and just stare. Management banned him.

The other guy would leave me letters and trinkets. The letters were written partially in german. He would right pages about my blonde hair and blue eyes and how it was the divine race. The trinkets were things like billbury pills (vitamins for your eyes), matches, lipgloss, mints, bandaids (I kid you not!). He would never hand the letters and stuff to me, but to coworkers and ask them to pass it along to me. Nutjob. I passed it all over to my boss. They finally banned him.  My old boss called me last week and asked me if I remembered his name, what he drove, where he lives etc... apparently now he is harrassing someone else.

 

 YVONNE

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:21 AM

 Todd and I worry about our  3 adult daughters 20, 21 as I think all women are in danger of stalkers but when they look like damn models and get attention everywhere they go even if they are dressed in  work clothes or sweats heads turn like they are going to break their damn  necks and  they have  had to deal with people stalkng them at work and some of them have had to be banned from their work places as customers because of it,  one guy even told one daughter he'd like to cut up her body inlittle pieces and keep them for souviners in the wall of his house! omgod!!! She said he said he was kidding afterwards but \she had a creepy uneasy feeling around him and told him to not contact her at all because she had a bad feeliing it wasnt as much of a joke as he claimed.

They even had stalkeers in school, they said they would go into the school store and these 2 guys would be standing out\side the store and they'd end up in their classes sitting next  to  them and one  daughter switched classes because of it and the one guy ended up in t hat class\ too and then they'd go to the parking garage in the inner city where the school was and they'd be standing out there, they wouldnt say anything to the girls but they\'d be everywhere  they were it was scary.

The girls said they also get guys ask then out and hit on them or try to cut them off in  cars when they are riding their bikes or walking that they dont  even know to ask them out and it scares them. Also the girls have high standards and prefer to be single and happy than settle for less than their ideal best in any relationnship so are picky about who they date and so therefore dont accept dates easily and even  though they are polite yet clear about saying no thank you some of them badger them on and on and eventually the girls have to get reallly firm and say LOOK Its not happening I'm sorry, please move on. I wish you the best but I'm not intererested and some guys dont take rejetion well.

We worry about them all the time. Their dad and brothers and I HATE how much attention they get no matter what they do or how dressed downthey might  get or purposely go out without makeup  to try to lessen  that or wheere they go, none of that seems to help.... you never know when one of those guys could get dangerous. : (

 YVONNE

Monsita
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:22 AM
2 moms liked this
So sorry you went through something like this....
So glad you are safe and happy!!!


Quoting earthangel1967:

 My ex husband stalked me after I filed for a divorce and the entire year it takes to get the divorce finalized in  our  state and even after. The first 3 months he had to  be in  the mental hospital after I left because he had to be on 24 hour watch because he was suicidal and unstable. When  he got out, he moved into the house right next door to me and the  kids so he could keep an eye on  me. Numerous times a day I 'd be busy doing someting and I'd get a phone call or even a knock at the front door and I'd ask him what he wanted and he acted really hesitatant and awkward and then would say "Ummm I ummm I just wanted to see your face or hear your voice." That would scare me and frustrate me and I would tell him that is inappropirate and unacceptable and he is only to call or talk to me if it pertains to something important about the 4 kids (I had full custody of ).


Sometimes at night I'd have me and all thekids lay to sleep on the hardwood floors in  the downstairs living room to keep cooler because itd get so hot  in the summer upstairs and we had no running water or electrcity to cool us down and I'd have the winddows open for venilation and  I heard a n0oise and he wasstanding theere in  the dark with his face pressed against the  screen just watching us/ well mostly watching me, ... Iwas his obsession not  thekids.);


I didnt start dating until the divorce was finalized a year later and when I got serious with Todd and he started staying weekends at  my house, we'd be in  my bedroom and we'd hear my ex in  his clock shop LATE LATE in the middle of thenight that is attached to my bedroom divided only by a locked door and he was listening to us and yelling comments thru the wall, it freaked the hell out of us and we  were scared he  was going to shoot us thru the wall orsomething, so we tried to have our weekends at todds apt instead and we'd bring all the kids overthere instead.


7 months into mine and Todds relationship we bought a house together a glorious HOUR away from there and we didnt tell him whre our house was, we told the ccourt he had to  pick up the kids at a public location downtown because I didnt feel safe. He told me on the phone, creeplily, IKNOW where you live... I told him even if you do you damn well better not show up in my yard even for a second or I'm calling the police. so he never did. but I was always afraid he would while todd was at work or something, we lived in a very low crime safe town that seemed set back in  time but we had locks and deadbolts on the  doors and windows all over the house.


The kids said he refused to date anyone else (he still wont over 12+ yrs later and lives as a literal recluse now) and they said he still had my  pictures in his house, his business and even in  his van.


When I got married to Todd, he called me on the phone  and said "That marriage is only a piece of paper its not real, OUR marraige was in  a church and in  gods eyes you and I will always be married no matter what your piece of paper says, what god joins together let no man put asunder, you are still MY wife and always will be." I got mad and scared and said "NO! What we had was NEVER a real marriage because a real marriage consists of  real love and I shouldnt have married you because I was a messed up teen andmarried you for thewrong reasons and loved you as a PERSON but was never in  love with you, that is not a real marriage and even  God knew it wasnt".


Now the kids are grown up and on their own and todd and i moved again and Ihavent heard from him in years but I will always feel at least a little bit nervous. He refuses to talk to any of the adult kids at all.


If he ever does try to  contact me again since there is NO reason  to now that the kids are adults and he wants nothing to do with them and we moved and have new address and phonenumber we didnt give him, if he does contact me ever again I WILL get a protection order against him. The only reason I didnt early on is my kids begged me not to because they were afraid itwould affect them getting to see him but as it turned out he very very rarely ever chose to see them or talk to them anyway, I think more than  not he was always jealous  of them and how passi0onately I loved them and his only obsession  was me.


The only somewhat comforting thing he did that eased my anxiety a little bit was one day before we moved far away from his neighboring house, he approached Todd when we were dating and planning on moving in  together and he was crying and he said he liked how he saw todd deal with the kids in the yard and how he makes them laugh and how much he helps me and that he noticed todd always opens the house and car door for \me every single time without fail and he said just treat her  like she deserves, there is no one as special as her in the  world, she is  irreplaceable and my only comfort will be to know she is being treated the way she deserves and that from his observations Todd seemed like that kind of person that would treat me  that way.


For years I was scared he'd show up at my house and kill me as in if hecouldnt have me no one could kiind of thing and then probably kill himself too... I'll always be at least a little worried in the back of  my mind but as time goes on my anxiety has lessened at least.


MagicTemptation
by Christina on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:40 AM

Wow! What crappy officers! Kevin works private security in New Orleans. The company he works for not only serves businesses but communities/districts as well. It takes the New Orleans police dept. an average of an hour and a half to respond to a call. People in the districts that the private security firm overseas usually gets called first to respond. I am so glad we don't live in the city.

Quoting earthangel1967:

 Oh my gosh, how creepy. I am glad your employment place helped to try to protect you  too. I hope his new stalking victim will get away safely too.

I was so mad when I was 17 and lived a really high crime city and bad neighborhood Pontiac, MI that had rapes on the block  and drive by shootings and drug dealers  and we had deadbolts up anddownthe whole d0or and a peephole and one  night some guy I have never seen before in my life, some old guy was pounding on my apt door inside the building  at like 1am and yelling Yvonne Yvonne I  just want to talk to you, open the door I just want to talk to you  and was wiggling the  door knob hard like trying to open the door  and I looked thru peephole and had never seen him before and didnt work outside the home at the time and have no idea to this day how he knew my name, I was shaking and crying I was so scared he was going  to get in, I called 911 but the police in  that city is corrupt and useless. the dispatcher acted annoyed with  me and said "Did you tell him to go away bc the cops are c0omming? I said NO! I dont want him to because I dont  want him to get away I want the cops to get him so I dont have to worry about him running loose every single night without them knowing who he is, she yelled at me, I am NOT sending a car until I HEAR you YELL LOUDLY to him to go away that the  cops are coming, so cryiing even  harder I did it and of course by the time the cops came he was gone. I was so paranoid he'd come back after that but luckily he never did.

Quoting MagicTemptation:

I once had a guy knock on my door at 2am. Luckily I had a guy staying with me and he answered the door. The man was surpised when my date answered. He told my friend that he met me at work and that I offered to do house cleaning for him. My date told him if he every saw him around here again he would need a hearse. The guy must of followed me home from work one day. And I never offered to clean someone's house. I quit my job the next day.


I had two stalkers at my last job. One would come in every day and just stand and watch me. He would ask to take me out even after repeatedly telling him I had a man and children. He had even seen Kevin and the kids bc they would come up to the store a lot to visit. The guy would follow me around and just stare. Management banned him.

The other guy would leave me letters and trinkets. The letters were written partially in german. He would right pages about my blonde hair and blue eyes and how it was the divine race. The trinkets were things like billbury pills (vitamins for your eyes), matches, lipgloss, mints, bandaids (I kid you not!). He would never hand the letters and stuff to me, but to coworkers and ask them to pass it along to me. Nutjob. I passed it all over to my boss. They finally banned him.  My old boss called me last week and asked me if I remembered his name, what he drove, where he lives etc... apparently now he is harrassing someone else.

 


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