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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Just not feeling the love... =(

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:06 AM
  • 10 Replies

SO says he loves me, all the time, he says nice things to me, he helps around the house, he washed my car for me the other day, he holds my hand when we're out together, wants me to spend time with his family and friends....but I'm just not feeling like he loves me. And I don't know if it's just me or what.

I feel like I've changed a lot for him, and like maybe he shouldn't have wanted me to.I've kept my house a lot cleaner since he moved in (but that's not really him changing me...the house just needs to be clean anyway, and I need to be better at it - I've always been more of an "organized mess" kind of person). He's a neat freak so kids stuff being out everywhere or dishes not being done right away really irritates him, so I try my best to keep it  picked up. He doesn't like me being a medic, doesn't want me working 24 hours with another guy, so I stopped working nights at my side job. Ended up quitting that job because I'm pregnant and really shouldn't be on an ambulance anyway, and the money wasn't worth it for a 12 hour shift here and there. I still work full time as a medic in an office setting - and I'm definitely not quitting that, nor does he want me to. He wants me to go back to school for nursing because he knows I love taking care of patients and this job doesn't give me much opportunity for that, and I can make more as a nurse than as a medic. He says he will fully support me when I go back to school.

He really irritated me this weekend, and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. We went to his hometown to see his mom and grandma, and went to a bonfire with his friends while we were there. I got mad at first because I had to go to the bathroom, and it was really difficult to get him to leave the beach to take me to one (sorry, I am not peeing behind a truck in broad daylight when it's facing where other cars driving in would be able to see me). And then made me mad too when I kept telling him I needed to eat something and he didn't want to leave for us to get dinner. He does not drink often (like, almost never) but he got pretty tore up at the bonfire. Before he was drinking, he of course introduced me to all of his friends and was talking to them but continually checking on me to make sure I was having a good time and wasn't just being left out. After he'd had a few and we were alone for a minute (we went to the gas station with his friend to get more beer but we stayed in the truck) he told me "I love you so much, I want you to know you're my everything, my world, my life, you're my beginning and my end and I love you more than life itself." Which is great and all but I wish he hadn't been drunk when he said it. He introduced me to a couple of people later as his wife (weird because he had just said earlier when asked if we were getting married that we would eventually but he didn't want to be pushed into it). At this point, I finally got some crackers from the gas station so I at least wasn't starving anymore. After several more drinks, he has a friend there that's a girl (who is nice, I was talking to her most of the night, they never dated or anything), and he walked up behind her and was playing with the pockets on her butt. Not like in a sexual way, but it just pissed me off. He's told me before he doesn' t like me being flirty when I'm drinking, so I feel like that should go both ways. 

What made me really mad was the way he responded when I told him (the next morning, after he sobered up) it upset me. I was trying to explain my feelings on it (not yelling at him,just telling him what had happened and that I was upset about it), and he just wouldn't even listen. He insisted that he did not touch her butt, and called me "f'ing stupid" for saying that he did. (He didn't remember apparently...I of course wasn't drinking, so I knew everything that went on.) He finally did listen later and apologized, but it really hurt me that he made my feelings seem so unimportant to him. And this isn't the first time he's reacted that way to me being mad about something.

It's like he can't handle someone being mad at him, so he reacts like a kid and just gets angry back without even listening. And I feel like if you love someone, you should listen to them and not just yell at them because you don't like what they're saying.

His grandma was also saying he doesn't love me, and I know I shouldn't listen to her (this woman is bat shit crazy and one of the rudest people I've ever met in my life), but it bothers me still. I don't know, I just really don't feel loved right now, but I don't know if I should feel that way, or if it's just my crazy hormones.

Sorry this is so long, I guess I just needed to let some stuff out. :(

by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
deenzarees_mom2
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this
what your feeling is normal your pregnant your hormones are everywhere it will pass after the baby is born...but think of it this way your pregnant n he is too in a sense his hormones may seem outta whack too it will get better hang in there
Fayanne
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 5:31 PM

 he probably learned his 'fighting style' from his parents' example. How ever they fought as a couple has been his example to follow

and.. you need to encourage him to show you love in a way that is meaningful to you. One person's "I Love you" is not everyone's "I love you"

                   
    Life is divine chaos
Embrace it.  Forgive  yourself.   Breathe
           And enjoy the ride....   

connie45
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 5:36 PM

I think that you are not in love with him.   He seems to be trying a little too hard to reassure you that he does love you....hmmmm......  but from what you write - you are not in love with him.  

jessijames911
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 5:39 PM


I'm confused.....I love him very much. How would you get that I'm not in love with him?

Quoting connie45:

I think that you are not in love with him.   He seems to be trying a little too hard to reassure you that he does love you....hmmmm......  but from what you write - you are not in love with him.  



foxymomof4
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 5:50 PM
Sorry you are feeling down but it could be your hormones but also if he tells you all kinds of nice things but still being an asshole well the words are worth nothing. My DH tell me he loves me from time to time but his actions are louder than his words.
furbabymum
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:21 PM
2 moms liked this

 I'm sorry you lost me at "doesn't want me working alone with a man" like you are some whore who can't keep her legs shut.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:41 PM

You shouldn't ever change for a man. NEVER. Either a man loves you the way you are, or he doesn't love you. Period. 

Your posts here are kind of telling though, Iet me go look at your last one before I respond further. There is more going on here than just this.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:44 PM

Oh yeah, now I remember. You are pushing him to marry you.

jessijames911
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 8:03 AM


I think it's stupid, but he's not a medic, so I know he doesn't understand. For me, my partner is my partner...that's it. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 I'm sorry you lost me at "doesn't want me working alone with a man" like you are some whore who can't keep her legs shut.



jessijames911
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 8:07 AM


Yes. Or he feels pushed....I haven't said anything else to him on that subject. It does still bother me, especially with the new job he's starting. I'd be more comfortable with him living somewhere else during the week and only being home on Sundays if there was more of a committment. But I'm leaving him alone about it - I want him to be with me because he wants to be with me, not because he has to since I'm pregnant. Maybe the new job will be a good thing...some time apart should definitely show whether or not we want to be together.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Oh yeah, now I remember. You are pushing him to marry you.



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