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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Dh financially inept, wwyd

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 5:47 AM
  • 16 Replies
For the last 2 years my husband has ran our business without me because we chose that I should be a sahm. Recently he had a falling out with his father due to a messy divorce with his mom, which shut down the business (we ran it like a family business). Little did I know that he had been borrowing money without paying ppl back and not staying on top of the finances. Now that everything has come to light I am angry with him. I mean the business was making good money and he saved nothing and went into debt so I can't understand. When I try to talk to him, he talks about our lifestyle, blames me and shuts down. I have sold my car and brought a small bar that at least enables me to feed the kids and pay some bills but it doesn't make half of what he used to take home. To make things more difficult I am 9 months pregnant and don't have anything for the baby. He's always asking for money and doesn't help me run the bar I am really getting fed up. How can I address this? I am less than 2 Weeks due, rent needs to be paid and I am beyond exhausted. Any advice will help.
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 5:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mjgm1966
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 5:50 AM

 Oh wow.  So sorry to hear that.  My only advice--from now on, make sure you are involved in all the financial aspects of your marriage.  I'm sure his pride is hurting as well.  But, he'll need to learn to swallow it and step up!  Good luck.

LadyBast
by Brenda on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:21 AM

Wow so sorry talk to him and make him understand, try any place you can for help now that you are due and so close many places will help w/you and the baby and maybe the rest of the family churches even your state but do it now before the baby.. Good luck Hun and keep you chin up it will get better

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:25 AM

 Was he "borrowing" money, aka embezzling and you'll be hearing from some lawyers here soon?

I'd put that man on an allowance. Of course he'd just take it then, seems like his mentality. Honestly, I've no patience for a man child. If he couldn't be a partner for me I wouldn't have him.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:36 AM
2 moms liked this

I don't know that I'd have bought a bar in the middle of financial troubles. 85% of bars lose money and close within the first three years. It sounds like both of you need to sit down with a financial counselor and figure out what to do, or if bankruptcy is in your best interest.

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Nov. 19, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Wow sorry to hear that!
Put your family on a budget!
mamadola
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:28 AM
I was in the bar/night club business before the whole sahm thing. Its a small bar with good clients (regulars) which keep me in the black and food on the table.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't know that I'd have bought a bar in the middle of financial troubles. 85% of bars lose money and close within the first three years. It sounds like both of you need to sit down with a financial counselor and figure out what to do, or if bankruptcy is in your best interest.


ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:30 AM

I wish you luck.

Quoting mamadola:

I was in the bar/night club business before the whole sahm thing. Its a small bar with good clients (regulars) which keep me in the black and food on the table.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't know that I'd have bought a bar in the middle of financial troubles. 85% of bars lose money and close within the first three years. It sounds like both of you need to sit down with a financial counselor and figure out what to do, or if bankruptcy is in your best interest.



mamadola
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:32 AM
He's not really a "man child" but after seeing how he was managing the business I now know for sure he is not a business man. I think he doesn't understand need and want which had him borrow money personally for things like holidays and huge TVs, needless to say gross and net aren't words he considered.


Quoting furbabymum:

 Was he "borrowing" money, aka embezzling and you'll be hearing from some lawyers here soon?


I'd put that man on an allowance. Of course he'd just take it then, seems like his mentality. Honestly, I've no patience for a man child. If he couldn't be a partner for me I wouldn't have him.


mamadola
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:37 AM
The issue I am really having is getting him to accept that our income has changed and that I cannot whole heartily let him run my small business. I love him, he's a great dad but his depression is killing me. He could still do our previous business on a smaller scale but I think he had given up. Btw we used to make handmade teak/iron furniture, mostly custom.
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 11:47 AM
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 Well can you convince him to take some finance classes? Dave Ramsey is awesome imo.

I'd say make sure he doesn't have access to any of the money but I think he'd just take out a credit card or something and run ya'll into the ground. Depression or not I'd probably have a come to Jesus meeting with my DH.

Quoting mamadola:

The issue I am really having is getting him to accept that our income has changed and that I cannot whole heartily let him run my small business. I love him, he's a great dad but his depression is killing me. He could still do our previous business on a smaller scale but I think he had given up. Btw we used to make handmade teak/iron furniture, mostly custom.

 

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