So I posted about sharing passwords and having access to electronics the other day. I guess my real question is this: is it so wrong to expect your SO to accommodate your needs? A little background. I have been single for about 10 years, raising my 2 daughters, age 13 and 20 (yeah, I'm not a kid). I have MAJOR insecurity and trust issues, stemming from a father who cheated on my mother (and made me keep his secret, since he took his girlfriend on a weekend trip to the races), a father who later abandoned us, a grandfather who sexually fondled and molested me from infancy through maybe 10-11? A brother who raped me repeatedly while growing up (from maybe 3-8?) A neighbor who tried to molest me at around 11 or 12, but I got out of there real quick, and when I told my mother about the molestation (first about my grandfather when I was 12, then about my brother when I was 18) and she did nothing. They were stil;l allowed around me, they were never brought up on charges...NOTHING! So I don't trust people. People have to prove to me they are trustworthy. I have asked my SO for access to this stuff, sort of as proof that there's nothing to worry about. If any of his high school skank friends get a little too innappropriate, it would be nice to see him respond with "Not interested. I'm happily taken". Just to show me I can trust so we can move forward. I have caught him in some lies, some he knows about, some he doesn't. He thinks this is an invasion of his privacy. And I get that, and under normal circumstances I would agree, but if you know that someone you love needs something, why would you withhold it? Especially if you know it would make them feel better???
He doesn't have a car. I get up every morning that he has to work at 5 AM and I bring him there by 5:45. I love sleep. I need sleep. But I give that up for him, so he doesn't have to ride his bike 5 miles each way.I pick him up every night, too. No matter what I am doing, I stop and get him.
He gets very warm, even when it's not so warm out. We live in a northern state. He usually has the AC on until October at night, and a fan on all winter. I FREEZE anytime the temp is below 70, so I use an electric blanket, which really isn't the best, but I don't ask him to turn the fan and ac off, because I know that they help him to feel more comfortable. I enjoy outdoor stufff in the summer, but I don't ask him to do that stuff because it's too hot for him.
He has bad knees and a bad back. I love to hike out local parks in the summer, but I don't even ask because I know it will hurt him. We have very few intimate positions, which makes our private time a little boring, but I love him and don't push it. If boring sex makes him more comfortable, then I do it. Without complaint.
I've never been one to cook. I mean, I fixed my children wholesome food, but now I COOK, because my SO is a real meat and potatoes kind of man. I HATE cooking, but he loves eating, so I do it.
Which brings me back to my point, if him allowing me access to stuff makes me more comfortable, is it really such a horrible request? Isn't a relationship about meeting each other's needs? We have been together almost 3 years. This has been an ongoing issue. I live by the motto "Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing". Yes, it's invading his privacy, but if it helps me relax and learn that he can be trusted, is it so wrong??? Am I really wrong, and should I be "white knuckling" my way through this relationship, or is it reasonable, given my history, to request this of the man who claims to love me?