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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

hubby trouble

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 2:17 AM
  • 83 Replies
2 moms liked this
I don't know what to do or think. My dh has been getting very close with a female coworker. She texts him ALL the time, all hours. I've been as open and accepting as I can, but for a while now, we have not been getting along. I get the cranky, non happy man. But as soon as she texts him or he sees her, he is all smiles and happy. I've explained how it makes me feel, but he just gets offensive and gets mad at me. I have never told him I wanted him to stop talking to her. I am worried though because she has been with another man who was attached. That was a very rocky relationship, and she shared every detail to my dh. That relationship ended in an unfortunate way, suicide. And she has been leaning on my dh since. One night she texted him at 2:30 in the morning asking him to call her. He did, she was drunk and crying and he offered to go pick her up and take her home. Luckily she said no. I was pissed, and he got mad at me because of it. Since then, I'm not allowed to say anything about it. She texts, and texts, and texts. And he told me he tells her about our problems. Right now we are fighting because he wanted to stay up and text with her. This started at 1:30am. In one breath he understands, and will admit he wouldn't like me to be as close to another man, the next, I'm a bitch because I don't like that she texts all the time.

As an extra note, we started dating in highschool and have been together for 20 years.
by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 2:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 2:53 AM

i would have an issue with it BIG time!

ang1976
by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 3:02 AM
2 moms liked this
I almost want to find some guy to be friends with, just so I can text with him all the time, to see what dh does. Any time I've had a guy friend, I have ended the friendship because dh would get mad and say they were trying to get with me. Or he would threaten to beat the crap out of them and they'd stop talking to me.
niteangelbaby
by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 5:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting ang1976: I almost want to find some guy to be friends with, just so I can text with him all the time, to see what dh does. Any time I've had a guy friend, I have ended the friendship because dh would get mad and say they were trying to get with me. Or he would threaten to beat the crap out of them and they'd stop talking to me.
Seems like your dh thinks he's the exemption to the moral rules he's laid down for you which he himself should follow. I think you should become friends with a guy that won't be scared off and just go with it.
Perfect_Misfit
by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 5:47 AM
3 moms liked this
Seems like hubby wants to make rules he can't follow himself. Tell him to quit texting her that she's gonna wind up costing him the marriage. My hubby tried to text another girl and got called out on it. So I withdrew from him and it's taken a while to get over. I gave up all my guy friends for him I expect the same respect in return.
Fairfieldwizard
by Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 7:56 AM
6 moms liked this

If you love your DH and want to make a go of this, here's another idea besides telling him how you feel, giving him ultimatums and all the other crappy wifey stuff we do that never works. Men do not do feelings. Repeat that. Nobody likes ultimatums and demands. And the passive-aggressive crap some others have claimed worked. A temporary fix at best. More likely they're just looked at as the crazy witch they married.

Life is a competition. If you're not competing with another woman, you're competing with a sporting event, a job, a cool car, a smartphone and yes, even kids. Get your cleats on and get out there.

Be a changed person. Fawn over him. Show him you are crazy about him. Be sexy. Get dressed up for him Write him dirty notes. Torment him with nakedness (my personal favorite). Make him his favorite food. Then, also make sure you come across as NEEDING him. You NEED him to fix the cable tv. Or fix the leaky faucet. Or You need him to talk to the mechanic about your car because you don't understand the problem. Dare i say, pretend if you have to. Added bonus: if you make this switch instantly without warning, you will totally freak him out. If there's a spark, you'll have a nice toasty fire burning in no time. 

Please spare the expressions of how you feel, though. What the hell is a guy supposed to do with that?

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Dec. 17, 2013 at 8:16 AM
2 moms liked this

I am a huge proponent of being able to have opposite sex friends, and being able to be your own person. However, even I have some boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. No woman ever, EVER, needs to text or call your husband after 8pm unless it is a work related emergency. NEVER. That is absolutely not ok. 

If having a relationship with this woman is causing you stress, and if his communication with her is taking away from time with you, AND, if he is using her as a soundboard for his problems as well he has crossed the line into an emotional affair. This needs to stop. You need to sit him down and say it's her or me, and be prepared to hear "her". If he continues to say it's ridiculous, go to her and tell her she needs to stop. If it's a co-worker, go to their boss if you have to. 

This IS an emotional affair. I'm very sorry. You've lost a good part of your husband to this woman already. If he can't see that he is more invested in her than you, then you need to drag him to counseling. 

bcauseimthemom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I would put an end to that shit right now.  I would call her and explain what is going on in your words.  After you do it let hubby know what you did and if he gets pissed then tell him to watch the door on the way out.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Dec. 17, 2013 at 8:19 AM
7 moms liked this

While some parts of this I would agree with, this isn't about sex. Her husband absolutely does do feelings, he's just sharing his with another woman, and listening to hers, and comforting her instead of his wife. 

As a wife you shouldn't ever have to compete with another woman for your husband. The competition is over at that point, you won. And this is a really sad way to get through life. You'll never be a happy person if you are constantly competing with other people. 

Quoting Fairfieldwizard:

If you love your DH and want to make a go of this, here's another idea besides telling him how you feel, giving him ultimatums and all the other crappy wifey stuff we do that never works. Men do not do feelings. Repeat that. Nobody likes ultimatums and demands. And the passive-aggressive crap some others have claimed worked. A temporary fix at best. More likely they're just looked at as the crazy witch they married.

Life is a competition. If you're not competing with another woman, you're competing with a sporting event, a job, a cool car, a smartphone and yes, even kids. Get your cleats on and get out there.

Be a changed person. Fawn over him. Show him you are crazy about him. Be sexy. Get dressed up for him Write him dirty notes. Torment him with nakedness (my personal favorite). Make him his favorite food. Then, also make sure you come across as NEEDING him. You NEED him to fix the cable tv. Or fix the leaky faucet. Or You need him to talk to the mechanic about your car because you don't understand the problem. Dare i say, pretend if you have to. Added bonus: if you make this switch instantly without warning, you will totally freak him out. If there's a spark, you'll have a nice toasty fire burning in no time. 

Please spare the expressions of how you feel, though. What the hell is a guy supposed to do with that?


TommyAbby
by Melissa on Dec. 17, 2013 at 8:20 AM
4 moms liked this

It's either her or you.. and I wouldn't put up with that crap for one day.. She has other friends and family she can turn to.. not a married man. 


Fairfieldwizard
by Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 8:28 AM


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

While some parts of this I would agree with, this isn't about sex. Her husband absolutely does do feelings, he's just sharing his with another woman, and listening to hers, and comforting her instead of his wife. 

As a wife you shouldn't ever have to compete with another woman for your husband. The competition is over at that point, you won. And this is a really sad way to get through life. You'll never be a happy person if you are constantly competing with other people. 

Quoting Fairfieldwizard:

If you love your DH and want to make a go of this, here's another idea besides telling him how you feel, giving him ultimatums and all the other crappy wifey stuff we do that never works. Men do not do feelings. Repeat that. Nobody likes ultimatums and demands. And the passive-aggressive crap some others have claimed worked. A temporary fix at best. More likely they're just looked at as the crazy witch they married.

Life is a competition. If you're not competing with another woman, you're competing with a sporting event, a job, a cool car, a smartphone and yes, even kids. Get your cleats on and get out there.

Be a changed person. Fawn over him. Show him you are crazy about him. Be sexy. Get dressed up for him Write him dirty notes. Torment him with nakedness (my personal favorite). Make him his favorite food. Then, also make sure you come across as NEEDING him. You NEED him to fix the cable tv. Or fix the leaky faucet. Or You need him to talk to the mechanic about your car because you don't understand the problem. Dare i say, pretend if you have to. Added bonus: if you make this switch instantly without warning, you will totally freak him out. If there's a spark, you'll have a nice toasty fire burning in no time. 

Please spare the expressions of how you feel, though. What the hell is a guy supposed to do with that?

See, that's your problem, readwriteluv. For men, it's ALWAYS about just two things. Sex is the first and food is the second. You only think he does feelings. He's pretending to do feelings so that he can get to the sex. He might not even realize it but that's the way they're wired. 

If you think that somehow the competition ended at marriage, your're wrong. Unless your married to a troll, there's a woman out there who wants your guy. They want them for sex. They want them to sove their problems or they want them because they're sociopaths who just want you not to have them. Then, reread the part about how guys are wired.

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