When I first met my husband he was caring sweet and made me feel like a princess all the time. We had an amazing relationship. Got married and I felt finally my life was were it was supposed to be. We had all the important conversations on how our marriage should work etc. I moved down to be with him after we married but something to me wasnt right.
He had an ex gf that was always calling him while we were dating, he would tell her everything we were doing or going, when I would come down to vist ( before we got married ) I finally asked him why does she have to know our personal life. He told me he is just friends with her and that was it. She even sent a message to his boys on facebook asking if we had arrived in Las Vegas yet on our wedding day.???
So I am finally married and settled in and then a crisis happened. My daughter become very ill and was in ICU for a week. He didnt know how to handle it. The night she was admitted my hubby said I cannot stay I have to go to work in the morning. I was devestated, I am in a new country, no idea of what to do with insurance etc. I needed him to be with me. I stayed at the hospital 24/7 and he finally told me to go home and get some rest and he would stay with my daughter. Things worked out and she came home. I was still pretty stressed from that ordeal. Then it started with his ex gf calling at late hours saying she was drunk, can he come and pick her up etc. He finally told her that he was married and his new wife wouldnt like that. He always told his friends that if they were drunk he would come and pick them up because he got a DUI and learnt from that. It happened off and on for the next 6 months. I told him if she calls again I will go and pick her up. She never called again. She was always texting him for information about his family what we were doing and I thought it was an invasion of our privacy but unfortunately he didnt feel that way and told me I was insecure. She kept on texting him over the next three years. He would lie to me who was texting him but forgot that I was the one who was paying the bills and seeing our cell bill. It became a hot issue that I tried to hide from him because lieing isnt worth it. But telling him only made it worse. I told him when I moved here and married him my ex's didnt mean anything and having them phone me would be pointless I moved on and that was it. He said well my ex's are just friends and that is something I have to get over.
I finally decided I needed to find out why they were talking but unfortunately another crisis happens, my husband get a rare blood disorder which he will have for life with no cure. He was devistated and his life fell through the floor and so did our marraige. The honeymoon was cancelled and so was the reception and for the next 8 months of high doses of prednisone, he completely changed. Things we discussed about our marraige, how we would handle things all became the back seat.
I told him numerous times that I think it would be best for us to leave so he could deal with his illness and hopefully we could resume our marraige. It never happened. Then another woman enters the picture, his ex wife. She was texting and calling him as well. I finally flipped out and said it is me or these other women. He said if he wanted to go back to these women he would have, he choose me period. They have no children together but she had 4 from previous marriages. She when she would have a problem with on of them she would call to discuss it with him....they were divorced for over 9 years!!!
I finally blocked his ex wife and the kids because I had enough of their drama brought into our lives while my hubby was trying to deal with his illness. he came home upset because the grandma phoned him and said no one could get a hold of him. I was like yes I blocked them I was tired of their crap being brought into a new marriage, this is not what I signed up for. I reminded him that he told me things with his ex's were done and over with.
Now fast forward a few years and the illness has taken its tole, alot of depression and feeling worthless. We dont have sex anymore, tells me he has ED but has never got tested for it. He looks at porn in the bathroom and is in there after work for 45 mins. Like I dont know what he is doing. There is no romance, no more sexy text messages, I feel like I have been married for 25 years and it has only been 4. He will tell me in the morning before he goes to work that he loves me, peck on the cheek and when he goes to bed same thing. If I wanted that I would have just kept a bf not a husband.
Now another ex gf has popped into the relationship. I blocked her as well as the ex wife and everyone else I can think of.
He got angry about me blocking them so I finally gave up and told him fine I unblocked them. He told me from that day forward I am not allowed to look at the phone bill, check his emails or text messages. He said that if I stop doing that our marriage would be alot better. That tells me he is still hiding something. So as soon as I unblocked them, he was texting them or phoning them. Funny how he tells me he doesnt have time at work to be chatting on the phone
I know something is going on, I am not stupid. I work, cook and clean, take care of all the bills, financials, my daughter, he homework, he barely has to lift a finger.
I have decided to go on with my life and my daughters because no man should ever put his wife at the bottom of the pile. I have stopped going out of my way to get things for him when he is capable of doing so.
All I am asking is for him to realize I am the one he married and wanted. But inturn he is showing his attention to the others and will go out of his way to help them but not this marriage. The lieing to me has taken its tole, these women are married and know my hubby has a kind heart but at the same time how would they like it if I starting phoning there husbands, sending photos, and making their life a living hell.
I wish he could realize what he has done to this marriage. I dont look at him the same way anymore.
My question is, why is our society changing for the worst. I love my husband and want to go to councelling. He excuse is well that will be expensive. Wow doenst make me feel worth it.
I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel as though he wants his cake and eat it too