Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is Your Husband a Great Dad?

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2013 at 3:32 PM
  • 28 Replies

Dads Who Don't Change Diapers Are the New Deadbeat Dads

by Adriana Velez

dad babyWe all know the "detached dad" myth. That guy who reclines in his easy chair, reading the paper, while mom chases the kids and cooks dinner simultaneously. That guy who has never changed a diaper in his life because that's not his job. That guy with selective deafness who never seems to hear his baby crying at night or the kids arguing at the dinner table. Dad the "apprentice parent." Well guess what? A new survey is busting that detached dad myth wide open. Dads are into this hands-on parenting thing, in a big way.

In a nationwide survey of 4,000 dads, 9 out of 10 fathers of kids 5 or younger said they change diapers and bathe their kids several times a week. They also said they play with their kids and eat with them all the time. And 2 out of 3 read to their kids several times a week. Fathers of kids over 5 also claim to take an active role in parenting. Dads are more involved overall than they were just a few years ago in 2002. And they know it -- nearly 90 percent of dads said they thought they were doing at least a good job of parenting.

Well, that last one isn't surprising. Men usually aren't as riddled with guilt and self-doubt like moms are. (SIGH) I mean, if they're changing all those diapers, they're clearly living above expectations, so of course that makes them awesome dads. Also, it's worth mentioning that no one asked these dads' partners if they're really doing all this work. It's all self-reported data. But still, let's go with it.

Moms, I have two take-aways for us all.

1. Guys want to be good dads and they think they've got this whole daddy business down. So fine, let's hold them to a higher standard and let them really perform. Go for it, guys! We'll be at the bar down the block if you need us.

2. We should lower our expectations for ourselves to dad levels, because clearly that is working for the guys. Changed diapers "several times a week"? You get a gold star! Bathed your kid? High-five, you are doing "at least a good job" of parenting.

Seriously, though, I'm happy to see how seriously dads seem to take their jobs. They get it! Dads know that the real emotional fulfillment of fatherhood comes in all those little tasks they do for their kids every single day.

How do you think your husband or partner would respond to this survey?

Does he think he's a great dad, too?

by on Dec. 20, 2013 at 3:32 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
valrubio
by on Dec. 20, 2013 at 3:42 PM
My DH knows he is a great dad. We are about to have our 8th and he is very hands on. He is very comfortable around newborns and changes diapers and everything. I constantly leave the newborns with him to shop or other things and he has no problem with it.
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2013 at 3:52 PM

DH is a great dad but he's only ever changed a diaper or bathed DD when he absolutely had to. lol  Okay, sometimes I made him think he had to when I could have. lol  But he loves her more than anything, plays with her, protects her, provides for her, and always makes time for her no matter what he's doing.  He's wrapped around her little finger and she's wrapped around his heart.  I have no doubts.

RheaF
by Silver Member on Dec. 20, 2013 at 3:55 PM

 DH has never had an issue doing anything with the kids. He has been hands on and helping since day one (he actually changed both kids first poopy diapers,lol, no gagging involved).

I think DH is an amazing father, he would probably say he is ok,lol.

cybcm
by Member on Dec. 20, 2013 at 4:17 PM

I don't know how he would reply.

We are well past the baths and nappies stage (youngest is 6, oldest is 19) but at the time he did his fair share. He's always read to the kids/ had them read to him, and still does DS6's reader with him every night. He's very involved.

LadyBast
by Brenda on Dec. 20, 2013 at 4:18 PM

Yes and always has been, we are very lucky!

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Dec. 20, 2013 at 11:00 PM

Todd is an exceptional dad... as a matter of fact before I even met him he had sole custody of  his only biological daughter and was awesome not only with her but with keeping his apt clean and organized and tidy and spending all his free time when not at work, playing with her and keeping her entertained and having fun. Then when me and my 4 bio kids came along he loved and treated them as his own and we raised the kids as OUR 5 kids. Some of my kids had special needs but he didnt even care, he just told me to teach him how to take care of them properly and he was an eager quick learner and has been there for all of them thru the good and the bad into adulthood and still is and got all their initials tattooed on him. 

View Full Size Image YVONNE

Mommabearbergh
by Bronze Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 1:54 AM
Dh is a great dad. On the mornings I am at work he does dds hair. He changes diapers, kisses booboos and does hair and cook.
MamaSince2005
by on Dec. 21, 2013 at 2:37 AM

my (ex)husband is a deadbeat dad. for sure. 90% at least.  i do everything. when i ask for help, he tells me to do it later or don't do it. he didn't change our 3rd baby's diaper until she was 6 months old. he's never fed her or given her a bath. With our 2nd, he didn't help at all until i went on bedrest with my 3rd and after i had the baby. well, i'm pretty sure i got tired of being a "single mom" real fast while he was present. it put a lot of stress on me. i was always unhappy. it didn't work out, our marriage is over. i'm a lot happier now. i don't mind doing everything by myself. just as long as he's not around

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Dec. 21, 2013 at 3:37 PM

 My husband is a awesome dad

MomToovey
by Marianne on Dec. 21, 2013 at 5:03 PM

 My DH is an excellent dad.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)