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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I literally can't talk to dh anymore

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 9:22 AM
  • 45 Replies
Ok so I've posted on here a few times about my relationship with dh. The jist is...

Dh cheated a while back, I found out a year ago I also found out he was watching a ton of porn which is something he lied to me about and knew it hurt. Anyways, we tried working things out. At first it went a bit better, I got pregnant with this baby during that time. A few weeks after getting pregnant I found out that he had had other affairs and things have just gotten worse since.

He told me he would delete Facebook, MySpace all that stuff and he did. He said I could have passwords to everything and I do. He said I could check his phone anytime I want to and sometimes I do.

None of this makes me feel any better though. I wonder if some of the contacts in his phone are really women and he's given them a guys name. Some of the calls that don't have a name u wonder if they are other women. I wonder if he is just hiding things better and has secret accounts or erases certain things and leaves the stuff that makes him look innocent.

All communication is literally dead anymore. We don't text or call each other through the day like we did while he was at work (like on breaks) when he gets home he eats, showers, does paper work. I tend to the kids and finish cleaning up. Then the kids and I bathe by that time it's like 8:30. Giving us about an hour and a half to spend time together. We both agreed the quality of time needed to be better and we wanted more romance and affection. But nothing happens.

I don't know how to make anything happen. He gets on his phone then I will. Or he gets his nose stuck in the tv and he acts like in a wench for asking to turn it off. The kids constantly end up interrupting us mainly our littlest so it's hard when a conversation does start because we can't focus. Babysitters aren't an option. We are financially having a difficult time due to his hours being cut back. And we have no family to watch the kids. After they are in bed we just sit there neither of us can think of anything to say.

How do you find things to do or to talk about in your relationship?
by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 9:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
serenitycat
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 9:49 AM

If you two really want to find things to do and make it work than start doing activities together...

my dh and i play on the wii, play board games, play tennis (free at schools), hike in the park (kids can come too), garden...

Each of you start thinking about what you like about each other!  

Rockabella
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 9:52 AM
I keep trying to think of things like that but there always ends up being problems.

With the weather being cold most outdoor stuff is out. My dh and my son both have bad eczema and the cold weather makes it worse. We have a wii but only like two games for it. We occasionally play scrabble we only have two other board games and there just never seems to be time

We try to rent movies here and there but it doesn't help with communication because we tend to just sit there in silence since we've never seen the movie. It is starting to feel hopeless

Quoting serenitycat:

If you two really want to find things to do and make it work than start doing activities together...


my dh and i play on the wii, play board games, play tennis (free at schools), hike in the park (kids can come too), garden...


Each of you start thinking about what you like about each other!  

serenitycat
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this

your whole attitude is a bit negative - start being happy (yes its a choice) and enjoy the things you have - so you only have three games - scrabble and two board games - well play those and talk about stuff - play cards - wear a scarf - i go outside in all weather - start thinking about what you love about each other -

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Dec. 31, 2013 at 10:03 AM
First.. put the cell phones down.

Second, even if you do nothing but look at eachother, sit and face one another. Don't go into separate rooms, don't get caught up with something else.. just be there with each other.

You can't spend time together if you both allow yourselves the distractions.
rockinmomto2
by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 10:04 AM
2 moms liked this

It sounds like it's stemming from the cheating and all the lying. You need to figure out if you can truly forgive him for all of that. My husband cheated on me last year, and I thought I had forgiven him and moved on, but I haven't. 

If you do want to work this out, I'd suggest finding a counselor to help you two out. If your insurance won't cover it, you can look for free services in your area, or services based upon your income.

Rockabella
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Ill try it :)

Quoting AnGLInterrupted: First.. put the cell phones down.



Second, even if you do nothing but look at eachother, sit and face one another. Don't go into separate rooms, don't get caught up with something else.. just be there with each other.



You can't spend time together if you both allow yourselves the distractions.
Rockabella
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 10:24 AM
I'll look into it. I know insurance won't cover it but maybe I can find something lower cost or something

Quoting rockinmomto2:

It sounds like it's stemming from the cheating and all the lying. You need to figure out if you can truly forgive him for all of that. My husband cheated on me last year, and I thought I had forgiven him and moved on, but I haven't. 

If you do want to work this out, I'd suggest finding a counselor to help you two out. If your insurance won't cover it, you can look for free services in your area, or services based upon your income.

Rockabella
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 10:28 AM
I don't mind going out in the cold but dh and ds skin will start to crack from their eczema.

I am the first to admit I do not have the happiest personality. I have depression and can't take meds for It because I've been pregnant or breastfeeding so much the past couple of years. It's just hard to find anything to be positive about and the rare times I've had an ok day dh ruins it with his crappy attitude but I'm going to try :)

Quoting serenitycat:

your whole attitude is a bit negative - start being happy (yes its a choice) and enjoy the things you have - so you only have three games - scrabble and two board games - well play those and talk about stuff - play cards - wear a scarf - i go outside in all weather - start thinking about what you love about each other -

rockinmomto2
by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 10:41 AM

Most counties offer some sort of free or reduced counseling services. They might not be on par with the $150/hr therapists, but they'll help, and probably more than you think.

Quoting Rockabella: I'll look into it. I know insurance won't cover it but maybe I can find something lower cost or something

Quoting rockinmomto2:

It sounds like it's stemming from the cheating and all the lying. You need to figure out if you can truly forgive him for all of that. My husband cheated on me last year, and I thought I had forgiven him and moved on, but I haven't. 

If you do want to work this out, I'd suggest finding a counselor to help you two out. If your insurance won't cover it, you can look for free services in your area, or services based upon your income.


Rockabella
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Thanks I really hope so. I don't know how much more I can take. I don't wan to end it but also don't want to live unhappy

Quoting rockinmomto2:

Most counties offer some sort of free or reduced counseling services. They might not be on par with the $150/hr therapists, but they'll help, and probably more than you think.

Quoting Rockabella: I'll look into it. I know insurance won't cover it but maybe I can find something lower cost or something



Quoting rockinmomto2:

It sounds like it's stemming from the cheating and all the lying. You need to figure out if you can truly forgive him for all of that. My husband cheated on me last year, and I thought I had forgiven him and moved on, but I haven't. 

If you do want to work this out, I'd suggest finding a counselor to help you two out. If your insurance won't cover it, you can look for free services in your area, or services based upon your income.


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