Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I can't deny it any longer..... :( (Desperately needed vent)

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:27 PM
  • 53 Replies

  I have tried and tried to deny the fact that my husband is verbally abusive and just a horrible father. No matter what I do, I am called lazy, a b****, and a horrible wife. The kids are constantly being yelled at because they 'misbehave'. Nothing any of us do is good enough for my husband unless we are following his visions of the perfect family.


  Today he was yelling at our 9 month old because she was crying. She was in her playpen and woke up from a nap. All she wanted was to be picked up but instead he yelled at her, telling her that he wished he could scream loud enough to irritate her and hurt her ears. Then he was saying I was being a b****, an a**hole, and a horrible wife because I was telling him all he had to do was pick her up.


  He is beginning to go too far with his anger, and I am beginning to believe I am running out of choices. If things continue this way, and if he continues to act the way he does, I am not going to have any choice but to leave him. Even though he has said that if I do then he will either take the kids from me, or he will have joined custody, and him being mean to the kids is the main reason why I would be leaving.


  I love this man to death. He mean the world to me. But my children mean so much more. God help us...

by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:27 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
preemiemom45
by Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:31 PM
6 moms liked this
You know what to do, you said it in your post. Kids that grow up in that environment risk repeating the cycle. Do it for your kids: time to leave. No baby (or any other kid or adult) should be treated like that!

If he's willing, you can suggest therapy for him by himself or possibly with you. It that's not an option because he won't go or it just doesn't work, then protect your kids and leave.

I'm so sorry! Hugs!!
preemiemom45
by Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:34 PM
Also, here's another bump for you. Maybe there are other women who have been through this before that can offer advice.
MomToovey
by Marianne on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:36 PM
3 moms liked this

 I am so sorry you're going through this, but I'm proud of you for realizing what's going on and knowing that you need to keep yourself and your children safe. Good luck with everything.

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:36 PM
2 moms liked this

Document everything... and as far as joint custody, you can request a pscyh consult on him. Have a psychologist talk to your other kids and that will paint a full picture for the judge. He can claim all he wants, but once those kids talk, it's all over his perfect father image.


withsecond
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:37 PM
6 moms liked this
Why wait to see how much worse he'll get?
Leave now.
He's abusive. Let him talk all the shit he wants about what he'll do, a court will be the one to decide. Not him.
amberNewman0213
by Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:42 PM
1 mom liked this
Is he stressed out a lot? Do you work? Does he work? His anger may seem out of hand. But it sounds like an underlying problem is what's causing his outburst. While he should be able to control his anger stress can make u not really realize how your acting and make you snippy.
roseblossom90
by Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:44 PM

Our oldest is just 21 months old. There would be no way that she could say anything. And when he is around other people he is perfectly good to the kids. It is just when he is here at home with them. I would like to be able to record or video him whenever he does crap like this, but I don't know of a way to do it that he wouldn't know about it.

Quoting TommyAbby:

Document everything... and as far as joint custody, you can request a pscyh consult on him. Have a psychologist talk to your other kids and that will paint a full picture for the judge. He can claim all he wants, but once those kids talk, it's all over his perfect father image.



Willie24622
by New Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:44 PM

Im generally an advocate for staying and working things out. However in this case a little preplanning could make a big difference for you. I know you love him but he really doesn't sound stabil. You may need to leave temporarily for him to understand that he really needs some help. If you had to leave do you have the ability to do so? Do you have access to money, records, childrens SS #'s etc? I don't want you to wait until something physical happens. Verbal abuse is abuse none the less. It's exactly the same as him punching you in the face. Would you stay if he were beating you every day? He's doing it with his words and he's doing it to your kids as well. There are apps that you can install in your phone to keep information. Try lock box. It allows you to store sensitive info and is only accesible by password. Guys who are this abusive are very manipulative as well. He'll make you look like the bad parent, don't be in a position to lose everything.


Luv.My.Kidz
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:46 PM

Yeah... My DH knows that if he was like that to our kids and that way to me his ass would be out. Yes we're going through a stressful time right now with the miscarriage and he's pissing me off with his insensitivities... however he would NEVER be consistantly act that way towards me. I know he loves me and I know what we're going through is effecting him as much as it is me (though more physically me)... I would NEVER EVER allow him to treat our children the way yours does.

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Jan. 1, 2014 at 5:48 PM
2 moms liked this

There are recording devices on most cell phones now....leave your phone out while he is around. 

There are also things you can buy that record.. picture frames with built in microphones..

OR.. just get a regular digital recorder (or 2) and put it somewhere in the main room on your house..and hide it..like under the sofa, up on a shelf.. somewhere he wouldn't look. THen you can download the comments and how he acts and save it on your computer under a file like "Recipes" or whatever files you only use.

And still demand a psych eval..



Quoting roseblossom90:

Our oldest is just 21 months old. There would be no way that she could say anything. And when he is around other people he is perfectly good to the kids. It is just when he is here at home with them. I would like to be able to record or video him whenever he does crap like this, but I don't know of a way to do it that he wouldn't know about it.

Quoting TommyAbby:

Document everything... and as far as joint custody, you can request a pscyh consult on him. Have a psychologist talk to your other kids and that will paint a full picture for the judge. He can claim all he wants, but once those kids talk, it's all over his perfect father image.




Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)