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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How to confront a lie?!

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:10 AM
  • 35 Replies

 

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Question: Do I confront his lies, even though it will make him upset that I found them by being a sneak?

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No!

Yes!

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 So my SO has been telling me certain things and I felt they weren't true, come to find out they aren't!

Thankfully its nothing as far as another woman but the none the less, a LIE!!

I peeked at his phone this morning and I cant confront him about it because then he will get upset that I looked through his phone! But its certain subjects that need to be brought up! What to do ??

 

peeking

you rockCoffeMomm29

by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
nursesteph05
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:12 AM
What did u find??
brittybby2010
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:20 AM

Depends on what it was that you found.

Coffeemomm29
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:22 AM

 Mainly financial information. He paid his ex's half of rent because of his children, well last weekend he went to pick them up and some drama went down where she ended up calling the cops on him, he was so mad he said he cancelled the check for rent, well what i read was her saying he needs to pay his half or the land lord is taking him to court, So I wonder if he really did cancel it or he's just so broke he cant afford it.

Then he said he was going to get a couple tattoos and he said his friend who does his work is not going to charge him until later, well i read those texts too and that's not at all the truth, they were talking about prices. And our phone bill is due. So he's always telling me to have my priorities right when it comes to money and here he is being a hypocrite!

When we met, there was lies that eventually came out and I stuck with him because I liked the guy, but now I'm seeing this and making double think if he's always going to be a liar. We live together and pay bills together, So it may seem petty but he needs to have money!

Quoting nursesteph05: What did u find??

 

you rockCoffeMomm29

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:29 AM

talk to him about it, he should not be worried about you looking at his phone if he has nothing to hide. Todd nor I could care less if the other looks at our emails or phone or something (usualy dont but if did no big deal because nothing to hide. ) He can be mad if he wants over it but dont let him use that to beat around fact he is lying and being sneaky and non  communicative and not open  with you, ask him what each of you both him and you as well can do to imrpove trust and open communicaton and honesty in your relationship because that is  important to you. good luck

View Full Size Image YVONNE

Coffeemomm29
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:50 AM
1 mom liked this

 Thats exactly why he would get upset, he will say I dont trust him and it shows alot of how i think of him. I just need to say dont pay for tattoos, pay our bill and figure out what is going to happen for the ex's rent! But how do I bring all that up with out him thinking I was being nosey. Because how else would I know that info ?! 

YoMama0304
by New Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 11:58 AM
Why is he paying his ex's rent?

Quoting Coffeemomm29:

 Thats exactly why he would get upset, he will say I dont trust him and it shows alot of how i think of him. I just need to say dont pay for tattoos, pay our bill and figure out what is going to happen for the ex's rent! But how do I bring all that up with out him thinking I was being nosey. Because how else would I know that info ?! 

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Coffeemomm29
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 12:03 PM

 He was paying it beause they were still living together 2 months ago and were waiting until the 1st of this month to move, So when he moved out and in with me he had told her he was still going to help pay the last months rent. He says because his kids live there, So i get that, He's concerened about his children but he wont be paying it again.

JC2223
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 12:10 PM

A lie is a lie, for every one another brick falls off the wall of trust. You say he's lied in the past, you're catching him more now. What is there to confront? The actual content of the lies, or the fact that he is a liar? You're worried he will respond by turning it around on you by saying you don't trust him...what reason has he given you to trust him? Lies and the lack of trust are big red flags in any relationship. The fact that he shows financial irresponsibility is another red flag. Then add on that he will get upset with you for expecting him to be honest with you...that's shunning his accountability and manipulation. These are not good things in a relationship. Considering all this, I personally would be more concerned with the character of person he is showing you he is and not so concerned with the details of the lies. The content of a lie never bothers me as much as knowing that the other person didn't think I was worth the truth. That realization always hurts more! Good luck!!

Coffeemomm29
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 12:17 PM

 Thank you so much JC2223

I cant quote for some reason, it just quotes my original post. But you are so right. I just dont want to fight with him and him turn it on me, because thats exactly what he'll do :( I think the fact that he's lieng is whats more important then the actual content of the lie.

I think I'm much more worthy then that. The relationship is so new that if I broke it up it wouldn't hurt as much as a couple years of lies. I think I will bring it up even if he gets mad at least I'll be standing up for my self because I'm worth the truth!

jamamama00
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 12:19 PM
If you marry a broke ass who gets tattooed when the bills cant be paid, youre nuts!

Quoting Coffeemomm29:

 Mainly financial information. He paid his ex's half of rent because of his children, well last weekend he went to pick them up and some drama went down where she ended up calling the cops on him, he was so mad he said he cancelled the check for rent, well what i read was her saying he needs to pay his half or the land lord is taking him to court, So I wonder if he really did cancel it or he's just so broke he cant afford it.


Then he said he was going to get a couple tattoos and he said his friend who does his work is not going to charge him until later, well i read those texts too and that's not at all the truth, they were talking about prices. And our phone bill is due. So he's always telling me to have my priorities right when it comes to money and here he is being a hypocrite!


When we met, there was lies that eventually came out and I stuck with him because I liked the guy, but now I'm seeing this and making double think if he's always going to be a liar. We live together and pay bills together, So it may seem petty but he needs to have money!


Quoting nursesteph05: What did u find??

 

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