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Need advice,relationship is in a rut.please help.

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM
  • 9 Replies

Hello:) My name is Tish, im 25, from Oklahoma, i have 4 kids from previous relationships, almost a year ago i met RJ, we met online and started talking on the phone,text,skype, etc. quickly fell in love. We have been together since may and living together since july. Everything was perfect for awhile and although im still in the first stage, wanting affection and closeness, it seems hes not and it hurts,i thought i could ignore it until last night when i couldnt stop from crying. I couldnt tell you the last time we held hands,cuddled, have no clue when he last touched my arm or back just cause. Weve kissed maybe twice in the past week. The only time we get close or touch is when we get sexual. Its like we're just roommates, ive tried talking to him about it and he told me hed work on it,its only gotten worse. idk what to do, it hurts i feel like he doesnt want me, or something. and i dont wanna push the issue anymore cause i want him to WANT to be close to me and not just because i say something. I guess im coming here today for some advice. any?  idk i just cant keep hurting, cant keep hiding the tears

by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM
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Replies (1-9):
jessmeyer
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 8:55 PM
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Have you actually sat him down and told him how you feel about it and why it hurts you that this is going on? Do you think it is something else that is pushing him away? I know that when I get emotional and cry my husband withdrawals from me even more.

MagicTemptation
by Gold Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 9:01 PM
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Do all the kids live with you? Maybe, like you said, it is a rut. Y'all have gotten into the motion of being providers and parents and forgot how to work on the relationship. Did you mention how you feel in passing, or sit down without distractions and had a heart to heart? Do you try to hold his hand, sit next to him and cuddle up to him and he reject you?

TishMarie88
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 9:06 PM

no he doesnt reject me but if i try to cuddle he just lays his hands out to the side or on his chest, doesnt touch me really, and i feel like he doesnt want to so ive stopped trying. I hide my crying so it doesnt push him away more. and i have told him how i feel a lil, not that it hurts, i mentioned it when it first started,before it got too bad and he said hed work on it but he hasnt at all.

TishMarie88
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 9:08 PM

no my twin boys live at their dads (hes related to the judge, in process of trying to get them back) but we spend all day just us while the girls are at school, we had a candle lit dinner and took a shower together a couple weeks ago,he sang to me and we made love but he hasnt tried since then to show any affection really.

Razzbaby1988
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 9:12 PM
Girl, don't wait on him! And don't sit him down m talk, if you want affection show affection, you want a kiss then initiate it. It takes 2 to tango honey and sometimes men aren't as open and as affectionate as we are.. Also.. If your kids live with you, 4 is quite a few, maybe he feels embarrassed being all smoochy with you in front of kids, it's a lack of respect and he knows the kids aren't his. Maybe he is trying to win them over to like him?
_mimimosley_
by Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 9:14 PM
My dh is that way, but he has his moments everyday where he will want to hold me and"cuddle"me. We have never been hand holders which doesn't bother me, but we are kisses and huggers. I don't have much advice just get your lovin in when you can and enjoy it. Best luck.
What part of Oklahoma are you in? I'm in okc
TishMarie88
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 9:16 PM

the kids already love him and he calls them his kids, they are in their rooms playing half the time if we're not doing something with em,,us two hand out in our room watching tv most of the time cuz the chronic pain we both have. so theres plenty of alone time for the affection.

TishMarie88
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 9:18 PM
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mimimosley, im by tulsa, in a small town, Hominy.

Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 9:24 PM

 together since May and living together since July? Sounds like you jumped in too quickly before finding out if he was someone who could truly meet your needs.

Try some couples counseling. You've only been together a short time, that's way too short for things to get stale that quickly.

Sorry..

my daughter is reading a book she really likes, The Soulmate Experience, or something like that. I've never read it, but she really likes it.

maybe some relationship books can help, if he's willing.

what were his past relationships like?

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