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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Abuse???

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2014 at 9:34 AM
  • 18 Replies

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 1/2 years known each other for 9 years. The first yr or so was great. We had a healthy relationship, took holidays together and enjoyed each others company. However the first yr of our marriage i started to notice a few little things. Such as: he would wait by his car for me to come home and question why i was late and who i was with, screen my phone calls, check my history on the computer and then he started to get very sarcastic towards my family. I just tried to ignore it all until it stared to get worse. He would argue about everything and be so mean to me.

I've threatened to leave so many times i have lost count. He has been married twice before, has four grown sons and he is a grandparent at 45 yrs old and has nothing to do with any of them. I no longer question him about his actions with his family as it always ends up with him arugeing about it.

We have now moved to Scotland (away from England) and i am on the verge of leaving him for good yet he doesn't know my family is driving up in a few days to help me move all my belongings and my dog. I'm scared. I don't know how he is going to react as he has such a terrible temper on him. He constantly calls me names, accuses me of having an affair, i'm not allowed to watch my own tv programs as he gets mad, he needs to know my whereabouts all the time and i hate having sex with him.

I don't know what to do and feel so alone.

by on Jan. 22, 2014 at 9:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
withsecond
by on Jan. 22, 2014 at 9:55 AM

Damn. It sounds like it's good that you're getting out of there. It's also good that you have family that is coming to help you. At least you won't be alone while you're leaving. 

Good luck to you.

Clemency3
by on Jan. 22, 2014 at 10:44 AM
3 moms liked this

I'd even go to the police and have them attend the moment you leave just to ensure that it can be done safely. but yea that is abusive and unfortunate. sorry you had to go through that. 

emarin77
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 1:49 PM

You can either make a plan to leave with one of your family members that do not live with you or contact a service that helps spouses in abusive famiies.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 1:59 PM

 Leave when he is not home

garfieldplanner
by on Jan. 22, 2014 at 2:03 PM

I kinda got confused reading your post. Are you leaving when your family gets there or are you thinking of leaving? 

allie1974
by Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 2:47 PM
My parents are giving me 24 hrs to make up my mind. Its a long drive for them. I know if I stay things won't change. I just don't know what's holding me back. He hasn't even apologised for his behaviour last night, not that that doesn't surprise me.
Mrs.Missi
by Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 2:57 PM
Run lady run. That's not a real man that's a control freak.
allie1974
by Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:18 PM
Thank u to all of u that has been kind enough to help me. X
tsdaughe
by on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:24 PM

Definetly abuse and you are doing the right thing. If you can, try to plan moving out when he is not home. If you cannot avoid it just make sure you call the police/authorities as soon as any yelling and threats start. I was assaulted by an ex when I threw him out. Its sad because it actually can take sometime (like over a year or so) for a man's controlling and abusive behavior to start. You are doing the right thing. Stay strong and use all the family and friends you can as support and try to seperate yourself from him financially as fast as you can to avoid him taking money, stealing money and locking you out of joint accounts. Make sure you bring any important legal documents and insurance papers with you so he cannot hold them hostage to try to get you to return. Edit to add: I saw you have not made up your mind. I wanted to say his behavior WILL get worse. Not maybe. It will. Next, it will be physical abuse. Not maybe. It WILL escalate to that.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:25 PM
2 moms liked this

 Wow. I'm so sorry. I'd arrange for the police to be present when your family arrives. This way they can put a temporary restraining order on him. He has to stay away until you're gone. Do it!

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