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Why We Aren't Getting the Pleasure We Deserve - Are you guilty?

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:42 AM
  • 25 Replies

Why We Aren't Getting the Pleasure We Deserve From Sex

by Michele Zipp

couple kissingWhile talking to a friend about sex -- because, yes, girls do this sometimes especially when we are wearing frilly panties and having pillow fights -- she told me that she doesn't really have orgasms. She doesn't fake them either. Wait. What does she mean by really? She only sort of has them? Yes. Sort of. She's more concerned with how she looks than how she feels. And this is the case for so many women. Some cases are worse. There is no sort of -- there's only nothing.

Many of us aren't getting the pleasure we deserve from sex. And a lot of the time, it's all our own fault.

Another friend told me that she just doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk to her boyfriend about what she needs to get off. So she just takes care of herself when he's not around. Essentially, she saying Sure, it's fine you come all over my chest. I'm not freaked out about putting your penis in my mouth. But when it comes to telling you what will make me have an orgasm, I'm too uptight to do that.

What is wrong with this picture?!

Perhaps it has to do with some sort of deep-rooted subservient nonsense left over from ... oh you know that time women weren't allowed to vote. We're a bit screwed and clearly not often enough in the satisfying way. But recognizing, and talking, about this issue only helps women own up to how they've denied themselves the pleasure they deserve and do something about it. And by doing something about it, I mean having an orgasm. More orgasms. The first orgasm. The best orgasms.

We need to relax more. Stop worrying about the laundry. If your legs aren't perfectly shaved. If you forgot to work on your abs that day. Or the fact it may take a half hour for us to come.

We need to communicate more. Tell your lover what feels good. Then tell him again. Tell him whenever you can and whenever it's necessary. Give him directions because we all know from being in a car with him he isn't going to stop and ask for them.

And if all these things fail, hang in there until you get a little bit older because I have to tell you that sex gets better as we age. (Who's with me?) Maybe we automatically become more relaxed. Maybe we are more comfortable talking about anything. Maybe we are smarter about everything. Maybe. Maybe it's all about patience and concentration and being open to feeling good. Yes. It's about all those things. Things that no matter how old or young you are, you should apply particularly when it comes to sex.

Are you guilty of not communicating enough or being too distracted to have orgasms?

by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BonitaM
by Platinum Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:20 AM

No, I tell DH exactly how and when I want it.  I'm a fairly selfish lover and thankfully DH is a very giving lover.  I admit once in a while I do get a little distracted but for the most part I don't let anything get in the way of good sex.

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:26 AM

No commmunicate in the bedroom. He knows what I like and don't like.

sonnyswoman75
by Malisa on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:28 AM
I have a hard time focusing sometimes, I let my mind wander.
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Vegan_Goddess
by Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 10:35 AM
Without a little foreplay, this can sometimes happen to me too.

Quoting sonnyswoman75: I have a hard time focusing sometimes, I let my mind wander.
sonnyswoman75
by Malisa on Jan. 23, 2014 at 11:00 AM
Yeah I agree if there is foreplay I will find myself getting way more into it. My fiancée tends to like me to iniate and start foreplay, which usually means me giving him orally and I find myself getting bored and turned off.

Quoting Vegan_Goddess: Without a little foreplay, this can sometimes happen to me too.



Quoting sonnyswoman75: I have a hard time focusing sometimes, I let my mind wander.
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Vegan_Goddess
by Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 11:12 AM
My ex was like that. I always had to chase him. It got old.



Quoting sonnyswoman75: Yeah I agree if there is foreplay I will find myself getting way more into it. My fiancée tends to like me to iniate and start foreplay, which usually means me giving him orally and I find myself getting bored and turned off.



Quoting Vegan_Goddess: Without a little foreplay, this can sometimes happen to me too.





Quoting sonnyswoman75: I have a hard time focusing sometimes, I let my mind wander.
sonnyswoman75
by Malisa on Jan. 23, 2014 at 11:17 AM
How did you handle that? I'm thinking about just not even trying and seeing if he steps up his game.

Quoting Vegan_Goddess: My ex was like that. I always had to chase him. It got old.







Quoting sonnyswoman75: Yeah I agree if there is foreplay I will find myself getting way more into it. My fiancée tends to like me to iniate and start foreplay, which usually means me giving him orally and I find myself getting bored and turned off.





Quoting Vegan_Goddess: Without a little foreplay, this can sometimes happen to me too.







Quoting sonnyswoman75: I have a hard time focusing sometimes, I let my mind wander.
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JRSMOM0621
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 11:21 AM

distracted yes. I am always worried about being too loud, if he is bothered that I havent shaved my legs this week... everything that comes to mind when it shouldnt. Lately its been about my body. I feel ultra fat and bloated with me nearing the end of my pregnancy. he says he finds me beautiful but when I look in the mirror I see new stretch marks in different places than where I have for my son, I see rolls where my weight took root.

Mommy to one angel, 1 crazy toddler and 1 on the way!!
korra2013
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 11:24 AM
I'm usually distracted. My husband and i don't have sex very often because i can't enjoy it. When i am ready though he is willing and i guess that's all that matters.
sonnyswoman75
by Malisa on Jan. 23, 2014 at 11:24 AM
I used to be afraid to make noise when having sex, but then I learned men love when we express ourselves like that.

Quoting JRSMOM0621:

distracted yes. I am always worried about being too loud, if he is bothered that I havent shaved my legs this week... everything that comes to mind when it shouldnt. Lately its been about my body. I feel ultra fat and bloated with me nearing the end of my pregnancy. he says he finds me beautiful but when I look in the mirror I see new stretch marks in different places than where I have for my son, I see rolls where my weight took root.

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