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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Do you say "I love you" to your partner or spouse?

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:41 AM
  • 121 Replies

Is Saying 'I Love You' Important in a Good Marriage?

Saying i Love You in your marriage is importantI can't remember the last time my husband said, "I love you." We used to say it to each other at the end of phone conversations. But then our relationship got pretty strained and "I love you" got replaced with "Okay, bye."

Or a hang-up. Ugh.

To be fair, we never said those three words a lot, even when our relationship was good, but I often wonder at what point do we start staying it again, and if it's really necessary to hear in order to have a solid relationship and marriage.

I guess when you grow up in a home where you never hear "I love you," it sort of makes sense why it's not the most comfortable thing for you to say. My dad really never said it to me, and while my mom used to, our relationship is on the rocks right now. And I'm pretty sure my husband's parents rarely told him they loved him, and certainly don't now.

As our therapist pointed out, all that gets translated to our own relationship, and so while we obviously engage in loving acts, for the most part, we don't actually say those words to each other. We sort of fell out of love.

But I'm not sure at what point you feel like you're in love again enough to say "I love you." Is it a lightning strike? A feeling of overwhelming joy?

I'd like to think that I'm the kind of person who believes actions speak much louder than words. So even if I'm not hearing "I love you" from my husband, if he does something thoughtful, like bring home flowers or take all the kids out to the playground so I can have a bit of quiet, he is showing me what he's not saying.

I still haven't quite wrapped my mind around cleaning my car as an act of love, but I'm trying, really I am.

But lately I've been feeling like I need to hear it too. I want to know that I'm his "one and only" and that he really does care about me to the point where he wants me to know, not just in what he does but in what he says.

The truth is, I don't say it either and I haven't in a long time. Perhaps like him, I'm easing myself back into it by showing him with my actions. Or maybe it's because I'm not yet at the point of my wounds being healed. Because when I say "I love you," I really want to mean it. And I'm not sure if I can say that right now.

Do you say "I love you" to your partner or spouse?

by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Annellyse
by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:44 AM
9 moms liked this

We say it all the time.  Before one of us leaves the house, in our text messages, and just randomly throughout the day.

skylersmom44
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:45 AM

We say it all day long. Every time we hug, call each other, text, leave the house, go to bed ect. We probably say it 20 times a day. Same for our children.

Pnukey
by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:46 AM

Yes, all the time. Every time we part. Every time we hang up the phone. Every time we go to sleep. It's morbid, I know, but if something were to happen, our last words to each other (DH and the kids) will always be "I love you."

bmw29
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this
Neither of our parents were the affectionate type and neither of us are typically comfortable with displays of affection but that doesn't include how we interact with each other or ds. We say I love you to each other and ds easily and often. We've been together for 13 years and that's never changed.
LovingLife88
by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:49 AM
We say it all the time. He has a friend that is a prick and he tried not saying it once. Oh boy I did not like that I made him say it anyways. We don't hold hands anymore he better say I love you!
charleyangel317
by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:50 AM

 Yes we do

MizzSuzy
by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:50 AM
Yes all the time when he leaves in the morning to go to work and when he gets out of work he calls me and again when we go to sleep.
amyjane22
by on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:51 AM
2 moms liked this

We say it before bed, when getting off the phone, when he leaves for work or I leave to go somewhere, and just throughout the day.  I grew up in a home where it was said often, and we all still tell each other we love one another all the time in my family....so it's comfortable for me.  DH was always comfortable telling me, but he's had to warm up to saying it to my family. 

m.garcia21
by Member on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:52 AM
We say it all day everyday
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Jan. 24, 2014 at 10:52 AM

We say it a all the time.  We say it several times in a conversation. lol  It's important for me to hear it from DH because I know he never says it just in passing...he says it because he means it.  I love that about him.  When he says something I can believe it because he speaks intentionally.  It took him a very long time to say those words to me so if I don't hear them as often as I'd like to I ask him....it's always because his mind is preoccupied and he doesn't realize he's not saying it as much even though he's thinking it. 

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