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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

What are the off-the-wall things YOUR man does before sex?

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:24 AM
  • 16 Replies

12 Dumb Things Husbands Have Done Before Sex

by Ericka Sóuter

manMen! They will never cease to surprise us. That is especially true when it comes to sex. The other day, a friend told me about her husband's quirky pre-sex habit. On their scheduled nookie nights (yes, they put sex on the calendar; otherwise, it wouldn't happen), he clips his toenails. He does it EVERY TIME. It drives her nuts, but she doesn't really have a good reason for telling him not to. After all, she imagines it's because he doesn't want to scratch up her legs. The whole scenario made me chuckle. So I asked other wives about the off-the-wall things their husbands did before sex too. Here are the hilarious answers. 

  1. “He feeds the dog. It’s like he always remembers at that exact moment we are getting ready to, you know. Then he comes back to the room and all I can think about is him unknowingly rubbing microscopic bits of dog food over my body.”
  2. "He does push-ups. Like he's pumping himself up or something."
  3. "He showers for like an HOUR. Probably because he wants to relax in there and wind down. I get it, but I am also going to be fast asleep by the time he finally decides to emerge from his mini spa day."
  4. "He was a little drunk and he peed on me."
  5. "He called his mother. It didn't just kill the mood, just the thought of her makes me mad."
  6. "He put Vicks Vapor Rub on his penis."
  7. "He flossed -- IN BED. I could see the particulars flicking from his mouth. YUCK."
  8. "He makes really sarcastic or inappropriate jokes to 'rile me up.' He thinks it's a turn-on. It isn't. Though I think it might be for him!"
  9.  "He pooped. I mean seriously, who wants to get it on with a guy who just made our bathroom smell like the monkey house in the zoo."
  10. "Oh God, my husband sometimes makes this sound ... like a little hum ... da da dum before sex. I've been trying to find a nice way to tell him to STOP for ages now."
  11. "One time I went to use my mouth on my husband before sex and it tasted horrible! Turns out he had put hand sanitizer on it! WTF is wrong with men?!"
  12. "I've caught him tweezing the gray hairs from his private parts right before. There is something so unsexy hearing him yell ouch a zillion times."

What are the off-the-wall things your man does before sex?

by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Acid
by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 11:21 AM
2 moms liked this

These are not men..they are boys.

lanceandhailey
by Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 11:23 AM

LOL nothing weird here, thank goodness...

BonitaM
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 11:56 AM

He makes stupid jokes or tries to wrestle me.  I hate it and I tell him that it's a turn off but he still doesn't get it. 

starreyedcutie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 12:48 PM
Uhh my hubby doesnt do anything crazy before sex lol
Mrsmayaguy
by Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:28 PM

He does a "sexy" dance sometimes.  Its really not sexy its STUPID. Hilarious even. He knows how funny it is so he laughs and it reminds me of the boy I feel in love with so then Im turned on by the no rhythm hump dance he does! 

mommyof24ever
by Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 6:06 PM
It not what he does before sex....its what he does after sex ....and it makes me just run......he farts really loud and explosive right after about 60 percent of the time.........he doesn't have he best stomache I kno...but.....it kills the after glow.....ugggh! Lol
MsJane66
by Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 6:27 PM

Always takes a shower...which is good...but he ALWAYS thinks I want to get down on him. Sorry NOT everytime. Boys.

MrsHayward1
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 6:58 PM

I dont have this problem my babe is so sexy everything about him I love.

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Feb. 24, 2014 at 7:19 PM
LOL Those are weird! I can't think of anything? He does a little dance!!
committed4ever
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 7:46 PM

 Boy those are some GROSS things!  DH does none of that kind of stuff except shower, which is fine with me. 

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