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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Unsupportive or am I overly sensitive?

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 12:39 AM
  • 19 Replies
I'm 36 weeks and my boyfriend has avoided going to birth classes with me because we got in an argument the day prior. Since then he won't even sit down with me to go over anything related to childbirth stuff. Won't assist me with perineal massage. (I have a huge fear of tearing.

He's Been laid off for a month and not looking for a job. Keeps thinking his job will call him back soon but he does not know when. His unemployment runs out in April and all hes done is smoke pot and play video games. Saying he wants to relax before the baby arrives. Im still working but have very little income. I'm beyond stressed and i feel very unsupported. I've Been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Just went to the doctor today and they said I'm 3 cm dilated and might go into labor within this week.
Now i'm freaking out because I feel i don't have his support. Am i just being over sensitive or should i leave?
by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 12:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 1:20 AM

Some men freak out at the thought of becoming a father.  It kinda happened with my husband too where all of a sudden he wanted to go out with his boys when I could go into labor any day.  I called my Mom first when I went into labor and she is the one that took me to the hospital.  I only called him afterwards when i was already at the hospital.  Eh, as long as my Mom is there, I am fine with him not being there.  I will tell you when I was 3 cm on Tuesday, I delivered by that Thursday.

Amybelle
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 1:21 AM
4 moms liked this

I seriously wonder why so many Parents failed to raise young women who have self-respect and standards....., I'm outta here

P.S. I think you're trolling

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Mar. 4, 2014 at 5:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I would be upset too but unless you literally don't love him  anymore and he is a bad husband in other ways that you don't see ever changing and you already talked with him and expressed how you feel and how important these things are and ASK HIM HOW HE FEELS AND WHY TOO so he knows he matters too. (Some men unintentionally get jealous of all the attention given to mom and baby sometimes without even realizing it and wonder where they fit in  or don't feel like a priority anymore and can start to act distant or resentful ).  They need assurance and support too. He might be scared and he might feel overwhelmed or even depressed what with the loss of his job. 

If you are asking if you should leave your husband just over this... then I don't see how you two will make it over the long haul when life throws BIG curveballs and trials your way over the coming years and  it WILL because it does to everyone now and then. Hard times can either drive a couple apart or it can bond you closer together and make you a team to support and encourage and comfort eachother, neither one of you should need to do it all, you should both feel cared about and you should both feel listened to and important to eachother. ANd remember to do things for EACH OTHER to make one another a priority even after baby is born (because its a lot harder then). 

If you aren't in love with him  and don't care if you are with him or not or are with him  just because of the baby, then you shouldn't be with him regardless. 

If you DO love him, then you two BOTH need to work on your communication  with one another. 

Good luck

View Full Size Image YVONNE

Fayanne
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 5:23 AM
2 moms liked this

 Why are you pregnant with someone you're not married to? If he can't be supportive now, smokes pot (a deal breaker for me right there anyway), plays video games, not looking for a job while he sits around... what are you expecting to change? Past behavior predicts future performance.

Get out now. Sorry, but he doesn't sound like much of keeper, and you haven't said one positive thing about him.

committed4ever
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 6:30 AM
He's a loser. Dump him and work on your self esteem. You're not married so count your losses and move on for a decent life for you and your baby. You will look back and be so proud that you put your big girl panties on.
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 4, 2014 at 7:12 AM
4 moms liked this

Wow. You're having a baby with a real winner there. Perhaps you should have thought about that one before hand.

You're a single mother. Prepare for life as a single mother. I wouldn't count on him for anything, he still sounds like a kid himself.

chicalinda23m
by Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 7:39 AM
You have a child coming that will need you to be strong and put him above your boyfriend. If he's just sitting around, not wanting to help, then you don't need that in your life. You need to put your foot down now, and talk to him. Have get off his ass and find a job. Next thing he'll tell you when baby's here is "he's stressed out his old job's not calling, and the baby crying is just making it worse!"
Good luck!
MIA0223
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 7:48 AM
Not being Involved with birth stuff I get. That's sort of normal. I would say most men aren't in to that.
Heck, I wasn't even in to all that and I was the one pregnant!

But the rest is unacceptable! Smoking, playing video games all day, not working. Not ok!
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Brattzilla
by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 7:51 AM

Raise your standards a bit.   

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Mar. 4, 2014 at 8:22 AM

Oops sorry I misread I was thinking he was already  your husband during my original reply... him just being a boyfriend changes things... for a boyfriend whether  you are having child with him or not (preferably before  you even have sex with or get pregnant by him but too late now) you should have an ideals list and a DEALBREAKERS list and  even if he met most of your ideals if he  had ANY of the dealbreakers you dont even continue to date or communicate with him so you dont even accidentally fall in love with someone who is less than your personal best or is bad news for you... if he is this way as a boyfriend,  I can safely predict he will much worse if you ever make him a husband. 

Just because you have a child with a man does NOT mean that he is the man you should keep for yourself, he may always be involved in child's life for rest of life (or if he too much of a slacker deadbeat he might not even do that more than childsupport ) but either way it does  not mean that  YOU have  to have him for YOUR life partner.  You will want to only choose to be in relationships that are a good role model to your child of what a healthy relationship looks like anyway, because they learn more from what they see you live than what you tell them do and dont do. 

If you are going to leave him, the longer you wait the  more reasons it will be more difficult, so try to get what ever it takes to get you out sooner rather than later. 

good luck. 

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