Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What will you do if your spouse dies early?

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:26 AM
  • 50 Replies

Husband Who Can't Live Without Dead Wife Does the Unthinkable

by Kiri Blakeley

What would you do if your spouse died? Most of us would cry, grieve, gather emotional support, plan the funeral, get on about the business of insurance policies and paperwork, and try our best to go on, not only for any children, but for our friends, family, and ourselves. But some can't even bear the thought of another day without their beloved. Adrian Cross couldn't. Mere hours after he left the hospital where his soul mate, 37-year-old Tammy, died, he reportedly put on one of her pink nightgowns, held a picture of her, lay down on their bed, and committed suicide.

Friends and family say that 45-year-old Adrian of Wales was so devastated when his wife passed away in the hospital -- after what authorities think may have been a "weak" heart due to too many prescription drugs to deal with her anxiety -- that he lay over her body.

Family members testified at the death inquest that Adrian said, "I'll see you later, Tam," while he held her lifeless body. His aunt assumed he meant that he would come back to the hospital again later. But apparently he had much more heartbreaking things in mind.

He was found that evening at their home, in Tammy's nightgown, holding a picture of her, after having downed a cocktail of prescription drugs.

Apparently he had once told Tammy's sister-in-law: "If anything happens to her, I'll be right behind her." The two had reportedly not spent even one day apart in their entire 15-year marriage.

Wow. It sounds like this couple were truly, madly, deeply in love. Though it also sounds as if Tammy, and possibly her husband, struggled with some psychological issues, given that Tammy had long dealt with debilitating bouts of severe anxiety. Perhaps her frailty had brought them even closer together.

It doesn't seem like the two had children, but even so, they had many who loved them. Would it have been "better" if Adrian had stayed in this life for them? Better if maybe he had devoted the rest of his life to charitable endeavors? Or perhaps tried to raise awareness of the anxiety condition that Tammy suffered from?

It's hard to say. We can't judge what another person should do. I would hope if I pass before my time, someone doesn't come after me. I would want that person to stay behind and maybe honor me by doing work with animal rescue groups or something else I care about.

But who is to say that Adrian could have done anything, being so heartbroken. This is the person he had pledged to be with throughout life -- and in death. This was his choice. I hope they are peacefully together now. But I always prefer to hear that someone does not make this choice -- EVER.

What will you do if your spouse dies early?

If you or anyone you know is thinking suicide and needs help, please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:26 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:29 AM

 I'd cry a lot and be strong for our kids. Without kids it would be a different matter.

by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:30 AM
1 mom liked this

He has a pretty good life insurance policy...I like to remind him of that when he makes me mad lol

by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:32 AM
2 moms liked this




by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:34 AM
I would cry and be lost without him but I will need to be strong. I will need to fight a custody battle that hopefully I would win because if my dh dies I not only loose my sole mate and best friend but I will also loose 3 prices of my heart that if I don't fight for I will never see again and be worried sick about them.
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this
my life would have a void that could never be filled. id be devastated. I.would mourn him and deff never remarry. id focus 100% on my dd
by Brenda on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:58 PM

I have no idea get the life insurance bank it and hope to hell we can survive on it b/c I cannot work having a disabled daughter... I would be a total mess, and life would stop for me!

by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 1:00 PM
How heartbreaking :(

I would obviously cry and cry and cry, deal with the depression and go seek therapy(i know I would need it dealing with another big death in my life). I would have to do whatever I could to stay sane for my child though.
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 1:03 PM

I'd be heart broken, really not know where to start. I'd have to suck it up on some level,  we have 2 kids. 

by Trica on Mar. 7, 2014 at 1:05 PM
I will try not to lose it!
Money wise we'll be ok me and the kids. He has two huge policies. Mentally, it'll be hard. I can't imagine it buy living and dying is apart of life.
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 1:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I won't know unless I'm in that situation (and I hope I never am), but I do know I will be devastated beyond belief, for both my child and myself. Losing a parent and losing a spouse are equally devastating; it would be so hard for us, and it would kill me to see my child have to feel that pain of losing his father.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)