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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

CAN HE REALLY CHANGE??

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:11 AM
  • 15 Replies

Hi Ladies,

I have been out of the loop for a bit.  I hope 2014 is off to a great start for you all.  I'm in need of some advice and options...

Last summer my live in boyfriend and I broke up for the gallionth time and at the time I moved back home with my parents. 4+ years of back and forth.  Well anyway, little bit before Christmas he contacted me and we started talking AGAIN! Talking leads to meeting and Duncan Donuts, which leads to dinner, which leads to ganging out more and more....

Over that last three months communication has been great.  He has even finally opened up about things from his childhood that he has never told me.  Including abuse I was never aware of. We have started talking about reconciling.  Before it would always be, "I'm sorry I made a mistake" and we would just get back together.  This time he realizes and sees the partner that he is "ON" for a while and then "OFF", just shutting down in the relationship.  When he is on, ladies he is a wonderful man, but when he shuts down, run!!  In his words, there is something that keeps bringing us together but we need to figure out while we can never make it last..

After the break up in August I couldn't shake the brake up and started seeing a theropist.  Thank God she turned out to be thr right onr, and has helped me alot.  Of his own accord,  he decided to start seeing her also and has been going for a month or so now.  The theropist feels for now seeing us seprately is the best way and down the road as a couple.

I am very proud of him for taking these steps and the last few months have been pretty good.  But in the back of my head I always have this doubt weather it is genuine or just to get back in my good graces.  So the question I pose is do you think this is true change?  Can people really change?  Thanks for taking the time to read this...

by on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
preemiemom45
by Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:16 AM
Yes, I do think people can change but after the gazillionith breakup I wouldn't go back no matter what. You said that when's he's "off" then you need to run, why? Is he abusive (physically, verbally, etc)? That's something I could never forgive and would never take the risk again that he could be "off" again someday. I especially wouldn't want to raise kids with someone who has ever made me think "RUN!"
Brattzilla
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:33 AM

after 4+yrs of a gazzillion break-ups?   You 2 seem to be a toxic couple, and may be better off as Just Friends.  I dont think anyone can change "who they are"...they can change habits, or behaviors, but not their personality or their character.  

Listen to your gut, and just be his friend...and let the relationship aspect go

lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:42 AM

 Yes people can change. I find it extremely sad and selfish you drag kids through this ! Let him go and give your kids a stable home.

Maks1mommy
by Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:44 AM
1 mom liked this

They can only change if THEY want to... 

help1027
by Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:51 AM

I don't have any childern Lucky

 

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 12:39 PM

 Anyone can change. The key is the person has to want to change

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 7:41 AM

Yes, people CAN change.  They rarely do, but it is possible.   If you do decide to get back together, take things VERY slowly.  Don't allow yourself to get caught up in the moment and move too fast.   It's said that the best predictor of future is past behavior.   It sounds like it's still too early to be sure that this change will stick.   Good Luck no matter what.

cafay
by Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:34 AM

People can change I believe. But they have to put in the work and he has to prove it over a long period of time. And you have to let all the other stuff go. If you can't,do everyone involved a favor and walk away. There's something called bridges, and you both may have burned yours.Proceed with great caution!

serenitycat
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:36 AM

people do change - and I know i have - that being said i dont think i would stay in a relationship that is riddled with break ups -

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 1:13 PM

 Well men can change. Mine has changed a lot. He's almost unrecognizable as the monster I used to live with. Anyway, my biggest question will be about your kids. This is harming them, a lot. So I would take things VERY VERY slow for their sake. I wouldn't be moving back in with him until I was positive he'd changed for the better.

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