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Suspicious Charge

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 1:44 PM
  • 47 Replies

I am new to Cafe Mom, so I am uncertain if I am posting in the right group, but hopefully someone may have some advice.

My husband and I have a great marriage besides a few disagreements here and there.  He spends his spare time at home, and we know everything possible about each other.

Yesterday, I logged into his checking account because I just felt something wasn't right (yes, I agree I was in the wrong for doing this).  I noticed that Friday morning after work (he works third shift) he went out to eat.  This is extremely uncommon for him.  He always arrives home at the same time every morning.  The fact that he went out to eat doesn't bother me at all.  What bothers me is I am more than certain he bought for two due to the charge.  There is no way he paid for one meal.  I was never informed of this outing, and as dd and I woke up he acted as if he had come straight home from work.  I would say he was maybe an hour late, but I just assumed he worked over and thought nothing of it.

This is bugging me more than maybe it should.  On one hand, I would like to know who he was with (I have no doubt that it was an innocent breakfast).  On the other hand, how would I even ask without him knowing I was snooping in his banking information?  The fact that he has gone five days and not mentioned it shows me that he isn't going to tell me.  In addition, on his checking log he keeps, he titled the charge as a convenient store and not a restaurant.  Obviously, he knew I would ask about it if I saw where he really was at.  Should I just let it go?  Should I just admit I was snooping and get to the bottom of it?  He will be find a way to turn it on me if he did take a coworker out and say that I shouldn't be looking at his stuff.  If it was a male, I don't see why he wouldn't have told me Friday morning.  What really upsets me is I don't know the last time he and I had a meal out alone.

Sorry if it seems like I am talking in circles, I just don't know where to go from here.  Hoping to get some advice from unbiased people instead of asking friends and family

by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 1:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Texasladybug84
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 1:58 PM
Ask him point blank but without accusing him. I def don't let anything go that deserves an explanation.
How often is he late coming home? Can u check the phone records? These simple things can help you squash your fears. But either way putting things under the rug won't make it go away.
GL
UCFknight
by Brenda on Mar. 12, 2014 at 1:59 PM

Why would you, or him feel like you were snooping? Is there something going on that you feel the need to "snoop"?  I would honestly  just ask. My husband and I have nothing to hide. I have forgotten when I've gone out with a friend (/so has he), and he has asked about this or that charge, and vice aversa. 

pinkcsmtlgy
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:00 PM

If he never gave you cause to worry before I wouldn't think anything of it. But if he had I would talk to him about it. Good luck.

sc2014
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:03 PM
He is never late, that was a first. He has no cell phone for me to worry about ...thank goodness. Thanks for your input!

Quoting Texasladybug84: Ask him point blank but without accusing him. I def don't let anything go that deserves an explanation.
How often is he late coming home? Can u check the phone records? These simple things can help you squash your fears. But either way putting things under the rug won't make it go away.
GL
sugareemommee
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:05 PM
Pssshh I don't care about "snooping" when it comes to family money. Is it that uncommon for you to check the account?

I give you credit for not saying anything this long - but you need to address it, period point blank.

If it's innocent he'll calmly explain, if it's not - he'll try to shift blame by getting annoyed you checked the account. Regardless - you need to know for peace of mind.
sc2014
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:07 PM
Just an update: DD was playing in his jeep today and dumped out a bag he had in the floor...sure enough there was the receipt for the restaurant. He surely was not bringing it in the house, and seems to me he did not want me to see it. Now, should I use the receipt as my way of knowing he went out with someone without my knowledge?
furbabymum
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 Well, I'm a confrontational person so I'd be all up in his business. I don't think you were wrong for checking the account either. You're married, it's both your money, you can look at the account.

I'd be like, why did you go to __________, who did you go with and why the fuck are you lying about it bastard!

furbabymum
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

 Honestly, if you can't bring this up with him without having to find an excuse than you two are in bigger trouble than whatever he's up to.

Quoting sc2014: Just an update: DD was playing in his jeep today and dumped out a bag he had in the floor...sure enough there was the receipt for the restaurant. He surely was not bringing it in the house, and seems to me he did not want me to see it. Now, should I use the receipt as my way of knowing he went out with someone without my knowledge?

 

ShirreeM
by Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:28 PM
Bump
polkaspots
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:33 PM
Start off by apologizing and admitting to snooping and explain why you did it, and then ask about the charge. Don't accuse him of anything.
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