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I'm separated and it's our Anniversary

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 10:35 AM
  • 22 Replies
My husband and I have been separated since November. We still live in the same house, but I am moving into an apartment at the end of next month. If you are wondering why I am the one moving, it's bc I never wanted to live in the house we are currently living in, so I am happy to leave. Today is our 12 year anniversary. We are together with the kids today, and I have no idea how to act or what to say. Normally we'd be off on a day trip or overnight somewhere, or at the very least having a date night. I had suggested we makes some plans with the kids, at least to support the fact that we are still a family, even if we plan to divorce. Those plans fell through, so now we are just doing errands and such today. Anyone else been through this? I am the one that decided to leave, so I want to be compassionate to what he is feeling, yet I don't know if doing something significant today would be appropriate. I feel sad and confused...
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 10:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Sammie0402
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry you are going through this. If you are feeling sad about it do you think that maybe there is a glimpse of hope for reconciliation? 12 years is a long time to be married. Where do you see this separation going?
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lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 10:45 AM
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 I have not been in your situation. The fact that you are splitting up in my mind thinks ya all treat today like any other day. Try not to think about it.

MagicTemptation
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 10:58 AM

If you are seperated and there is no hope of getting back together. Ignore what today is. After you are divorced do you honestly think he would want to do get togethers on this day? Probably not.

Fayanne
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 11:38 AM

 Yep. Been there, done that. I was the one to leave, too. Just call it another day, and do what you need to do. He will have to deal with these demons on his own. Sounds like things are civil. Good for you. When I tried to have a 'normal' Christmas for the sake of the kids, I found out later I was accused of 'gloating at his misery'. 

Candace8609
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 11:41 AM
The 20th of this month was dh and my 4 year anniversary and we split up in August. It was very hard to handle. I know how it feels :'( hugs momma.
arismommy611
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 12:37 PM
I'm sad more so for our kids, because I never wanted this for them. And I am sad for him too, because I know he doesn't want this. I don't think that we can reconcile, because he is manipulative and controlling, and puts himself first. We married very young (19), and as we have grown up, I've seen what kind of person he really is. I still love him, but as a friend. He will not take responsibility for anything that went wrong, and I can't go back to someone who has put me down for so long. So it's like I am more sad for what could have been, or what I had hoped my life would turn out to be.

Quoting Sammie0402: I'm sorry you are going through this. If you are feeling sad about it do you think that maybe there is a glimpse of hope for reconciliation? 12 years is a long time to be married. Where do you see this separation going?
arismommy611
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 12:39 PM
Yeah, it is definitely awkward. This morning I didn't know if I would sound like a bitch for saying Happy Anniversary, or if I would look like a bitch for not saying it. Either way it sucks.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

 I have not been in your situation. The fact that you are splitting up in my mind thinks ya all treat today like any other day. Try not to think about it.

arismommy611
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 12:40 PM
No, you are probably right. We have agreed to coparent and be together for the kids on holidays, but today is different. It is weird though bc I know he and I will both be thinking about it, even if we are just going about like a normal day.

Quoting MagicTemptation:

If you are seperated and there is no hope of getting back together. Ignore what today is. After you are divorced do you honestly think he would want to do get togethers on this day? Probably not.

Aamy
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 12:42 PM
Why not use it as a perfect opportunity to work on your marriage?
arismommy611
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 12:44 PM
I am trying to be civil, but he is very manipulative and it makes it hard. He tries to get a rise out of me, and sometimes I fall for it, and I end up looking like the bad guy. I am really trying for my kids to be civil, and I would love to one day be friends and great parents. I am ready to move on and let go of the anger, but I don't know if he will ever get there. My therapist has told me that I will most likely always get the blame for everything that happened, so I try to just be aware and keep the peace as much as I can for the kids. I'm sorry you had to go through this too, I hope your situation is better now.

Quoting Fayanne:

 Yep. Been there, done that. I was the one to leave, too. Just call it another day, and do what you need to do. He will have to deal with these demons on his own. Sounds like things are civil. Good for you. When I tried to have a 'normal' Christmas for the sake of the kids, I found out later I was accused of 'gloating at his misery'. 

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